Wishes

“...Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise....”
- Maya Angelou, Still I Rise

Into every journey, there are ups and downs. Waves that rise and fall. Clouds that come and go.

My wish for you, is that you find the strength to keep moving forward when you think you can’t go any further. I wish that in the darkness you can still see the light and that you can feel the warmth in a smile. I wish for you to find a way to dig deeper, to ask for help when you need it, and to offer support when you can. I wish for you to know that you are strong, much more than you think you are. I wish for you to know you are cared for, you are thought of, and you are missed when you are not around. I wish for you to always be kind, and to answer anger and intolerance with kindness. I wish for you to have all that you need, enough food, enough shelter, enough warmth and love.

I am sending a smile your way, with warm thoughts to carry you through. You are not alone. We are all here for you. And you are safe.

Titles can be hard...

I am a little apprehensive about the banquet and all of the practices leading up to it. I have been in a lot more pain/ discomfort lately and I have difficulty getting through 2.5 hours of teaching classes. Now, the banquet isn’t a class, but a long day like that takes its toll. Even this past Saturday was really challenging to get through. But, we shall see how things go right? Flares come and go and maybe the banquet will be on a good day...

So that’s where I am at. I try to stay as positive as I can, and take each day as it comes. I have been on this path long enough to know that there are always some bumps in the road but that road does have its smooth spots. I have learned to focus on other things when I hit a bump, and if I stay focused on the path, accept the bumps or detours then all will be good. As it should be.

Black Belt

Almost 10 years ago, I took off my second degree brown belt, and tied a black belt around my waist. To this day, I am still earning that belt. It took a lot of sweat blood and tears before I was able to earn it. And that journey continues as I earn the right to keep it tied around my waist.

My actions, my attitude, and my approach will determine my path. Respect is earned, it is not a right. My actions, my attitude and my approach will either earn that respect or not. My instructors have spent and continue to spend their time and their expertise teaching me. That is a gift that I will always cherish. They spent a lot of time helping me on my path to black Belt, and each time I graded for my next degree, that fact was not lost. Time and time again, they are there to help me.

There is so much knowledge between the masters in our school, it is difficult not to be humbled. I look up to them and I hope that one day, with hard work, discipline and respect, I might have half the knowledge that they do

Just smile

One of the reasons I love teaching the younger kids, is that they are usually in the moment. They don’t worry about anything while they are learning Kung fu. Except maybe that someone else went first... kids amaze me that way. They can spot a small ant carrying something and just stop and watch. Or they just stop and smell the flowers along the way, not worried about slowing anyone down. And they truly experience Kung Fu. They don’t concern themselves with their next stripe or their next belt. They are just in the now.

I find my best time to be in the moment is when I am practicing Tai Chi. And I have learned to just smile to myself when I realize that I have skipped ahead in the form, or repeated a certain part. I have learned to accept that moment and that this is just where I needed to be in the form.

As adults, it’s too easy to forget how to be in the moment, and cherish each one.

Choices

So, I know where I am, and what I am doing. Or not doing. I am aware that I make choices to protect my ego. I am aware of when I choose to avoid things. I am also aware of when I try something regardless of the outcome. I am aware of when I make a positive choice. I can choose to push myself, or hastily retreat. I can fold inwards or spread my wings outwards.

I can compare myself to those around me, or I can compare myself to yesterday and measure my growth. I can let injury or illness stop me, or I can adapt to the best of my abilities. I can wallow, or celebrate.

There are many, many choices to make, each and every day. Every moment. Some will be unconscious, and some will be with purpose

Still breathing

I’m still breathing. I am still moving forward, although not always at a speed that’s visible. I am still adapting. I am doing my requirements, but am not where I should be at this time. I write down my numbers when I think of it, so there is a lot that are unaccounted for.

I am the only one responsible and I am the only one who can change this.

I usually start getting excited this time of year, as we start to prep for Chinese New Year. But this year I am finding it harder to psyche myself up. I worry about how I am going to handle all the practices physically, and how well I’ll be able to handle the whole day of the banquet. But now that I have this written, I understand that there is no point in worrying about it yet. The best thing to do, is to do my best each day. And to take each day as it comes. I’ll adapt. I’ll move forward. I’ll keep breathing.

Breathe and recalibrate

How do you ground yourself when things change in a hurry? How do you adapt? How do you cope? I think we need to understand that change is constant and sometimes it isn’t even obvious. Other times, it’s as subtle as a surprise snowfall. With change, we have to remember to breathe. To stop and recalibrate our plans so that they can mesh with the new path.

Staying grounded during change is important so that your ability to remain calm stays intact. Kung Fu has been important to me in that aspect. It’s like delving into the void and trusting the basics to see you through. I tend to withdraw before I can embrace change. Although sometimes this leads to simply distracting myself until I have to deal with it directly

Tiger Challenge!

Ever have those days where there are so many thoughts racing through your head, however you know they are negative so you do your best to distract yourself to keep them from taking hold? That’s me today. It’s made this blog a little more challenging to write, but here it is.

The Tiger Challenge is this week, and while I think I am prepared, I don’t truly believe that I ever would be entirely. I guess that’s a good thing though, since that just reminds me that this is a journey and not a destination. I will always need to improve in some aspect of my training, and really that’s the exciting part.

So, good luck to everyone that entered! See you there!

Snorkel

Chronic stress and worry can leave you run down, no matter how much rest you think you are getting and how good you are taking care of yourself. And that stress and worry might not even be in the forefront, but it is taking its toll regardless.

I came down with the flu this weekend, and am currently sitting here in yoga pants and a hoodie drinking a super smoothie my husband made me. I have a cat and a dog asleep beside me, and I am feeling snug like anyone likes to feel when they are sick. I know my numbers slid backwards a little weekend because of this “bug” and hopefully I can pick them up when I start to feel better

I am thankful for:
My husband/ best friend, my children and all of my family,
My Kung Fu family and training with them,
The home that I am privileged to live in, and
The food that I eat.

I am thankful for:
The privilege of an education,
The opportunity to work,
The freedom to vote, and
To make my own choices.

I am thankful for:
The health care that I have access to,
The different therapies available,
Mental health awareness, and
That we are actively fighting the stigma.

I am thankful for:
The country I live in,
The trees that surround me,
The earth beneath my feet, and
The air around me.

I will try not to take these things for granted, and to cherish it all while I strive to live in each moment.

Patience

I spent 3 hours at the Stollery on Saturday night where I was reminded of the value of patience. When our daughter cut her finger in the midst of an art project she immediately had an anxiety attack. We had to be patient while we calmed her down and treated her before we visited the hospital.

I was also impressed with patience displayed at the hospital. The nurses and the doctor were all amazing, but I guess when you are dealing with sick/ injured children and their stressed out parents it’s vital. (On a side note, no stitches were required).

Patience is also important with our training. If we aren’t patient, we can’t make the progress we desire. We have to trust our instructors, and the guidance they give. They have paved the way and have made all the mistakes already. They have the knowledge and experience to provide us with what we need on our individual journeys. They make sure we have a strong base before we can build up our pyramid. And so we need to be patient and not get lost in the race to Black Belt. The Black Belt is not the end, it’s the beginning.

So let’s practice patience. With our training, and with each other

Yoga power

Flexibility is something I don’t have a lot of anymore. But thankfully, Sifu Stoddart’s yoga seminar is a tool that I can use. I am really enjoying this seminar and the time goes so fast.
These seminars are a great way to expand our knowledge and fine tune our training. A big thank you to all the instructors who have led them, and we appreciate your expertise and your time

Tiger Challenge = My Challenge

Yesterday I started playing with my Kwan Do in preparation for the Tiger Challenge. Competing still terrifies me, but I think if I do a creative musical form that might take some of the edge off. In a way, I find this approach funny. Why? Because I don’t think I am very creative when it comes to creating my own form. I do know that the more I get out there the easier it will be. And it’s something that I knew I would have to do. So let’s make the best of it. I can’t wait to see everyone out there!

Where am I?

So where am I at? Lately, there have been highs and lows. I have felt a lot of anxiety and stress over school - specifically our daughter going to university. I have worried a lot about how she will cope and adapt, and how we as parents can help while at the same time giving her ample opportunity to grow as an adult. That’s way harder than I ever thought. And so with the extra stress, my body has been in a lot more pain, I have had less sleep because of that, and my training has taken a little hit. However, that being said, I feel good after the first week of our Kung fu classes. A lot of faces that were missing over the summer have returned and there are some new ones too. I cherish the reconnection and love making them with the new kids.

So where am I at? Somewhere in the middle I guess. Right now, the negatives are balanced by the positives and I can’t complain about that.

So fresh!

The kwoon is clean, and feels kind of new. It took the work of a team and someone to lead the way. It is an amazing feeling to put your own sweat into the school, and to train in it after makes it more special. I feel grateful to everyone who helped out and organized. And for those who couldn’t make it, we missed you.

Good luck to everyone in your first week of school! Can’t wait to see you on the mats!

I am aware of where my mind is right now, but I am also aware that I need to blog. Even though I would rather put it off until I know I can say something positive and relevant. My mind has been in the past today. And while reflecting on the person I am missing tremendously, I was reminded of a question that someone in a similar situation asked me a little while ago. She asked if grief ever gets better, and I answered as best as I could at the time. But as I continued to think about it, I realize that my answer should be that it changes. It doesn’t go away, but it does change.

Everything changes. The seasons, trends, relationships, jobs, circumstances, as well as points of view. But our Kung Fu changes as well. Or rather the journey does. My body cannot perform like it could 10 years ago, and I could mourn that. Or I can cherish where I am at now, and make the most of it. There is so much depth to Kung Fu, and so much that I still want to learn. So what do I do? I need to push myself when I can, and reflect more when I cannot push myself.

So on days like today, when I would just love to build a cushion fort and hide, I will push myself and do what is should be doing. Cherishing what I have and trying to stay in the moment.

A long time ago...

15 1/2 years. That’s how long I have been training at Silent River King Fu. It has given me strength to make difficult decisions and has served to help me through them. It has given me confidence to push myself out of my comfort zone, and a safe place to land. Training here has allowed my spirit to grow, and continues to inspire me to live a healthy lifestyle. Training at Silent River Kung Fu has allowed me to nurture my empathy, allowing me to become a more compassionate citizen of the earth.

I started because I wanted to learn self defence. In return, I have become a better mother than I imagined I could be. My journey has allowed me to set the example to my children that you can do anything if you keep trying. And training at SRKF has given me a much bigger family, that are always there for support and encouragement.

15 1/2 years, and I don’t see an end in sight.

Fire!

I am sitting here beside the wood stove, nursing my third migraine this week. But it’s a perfect day for a fire, and to just stay cozy. During open training yesterday, I realized that there a few forms that I haven’t practiced in a while, and as I tried to get through them, I found myself questioning if I was even doing them correctly. I have neglected them, and that was very obvious to me. So my mission now is to practice them more often.

All of our forms are important and they are my favourite part of Kung Fu.

Above the clouds

I was looking out at the clouds from the plane the other day, and I started to think about how they are always changing and are never truly gone. Their shape changes, they drop rain, sleet, hail and snow. Sometimes they seem that they are gone, but really they’re not. They are becoming clouds from the evaporation, or they are joining with the earth.

And that got me thinking about how our training is always evolving. We get injured, our circumstances change, our focus shifts to another aspect. But as we learn, we evolve; but only if we keep training in some form. Sometimes our focus is just on the physical aspects, sometimes it’s just on the mental part. And sometimes it might be on a specific piece.

I felt very small when I was looking at the clouds below. But yet I felt at peace. As long as I am training, I will evolve. And I have control over that

Breathe in, breathe out

Where am I? My back seems to be on the mend, but my brain is taking over. When I am at the school, it’s easier to be in the moment, and I can usually turn my brain off and just train/ learn/teach. Mentally, I am not where I want to be, so I think I just need to keep training, doing the basics, and I will progress. I will be mindful about my training as much as I can. I will practice. I will review my requirements and make adjustments to my plan if needed. I will keep moving forward.

Ouch

Setbacks are a natural progression toward any goal. The best laid plan will always have hiccups and challenges along the way. Right now, I am struggling with a little setback. I generally have chronic pain, but this past week I did something to my middle back. I’m not sure what, but it has definitely made it more difficult to do my physical requirements. I have seen the chiropractor twice now, so hopefully I will be in better shape this week.

A Hero

I watched the documentary Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood twice and both times left me in awe and wonder. I watched that show as a kid, and yes I am dating myself. But the lessons he put into his program were amazing and what the world needed, and in my opinion, still needs. I don’t recall the lessons and wisdom that I was exposed to as a child, but I do remember how they made me feel. They made me feel good. It was a calm program, which touched on the important everyday things that us adults tend to forget to help our children with. Things like death, divorce, war, and tolerance to name a few.

Fred Rogers was an amazing person. He wrote the program, produced it, acted in it, wrote and sang the songs, and voiced the puppets. His calling and passion was children. I connected with this passion, as I am most comfortable with children. When I teach Kung Fu, I am most comfortable and confident with the kids. Put me in a room full of people, and I will find the children there and chances are I would prefer to play with them than to mingle with adults.

Watching this documentary reminded me that the world needs more compassion, tolerance and kindness. The world needs more leaders who inspire these qualities in us. Fred Rogers passed away in 2003. He will be missed. One of my heroes and I didn’t even know it until recently.

Another great day!

I truly enjoyed Canada Day, and all the demos and busyness that goes with it. The migraine I started with didn’t get a foothold and that allowed me to be present in the moment all day. I am proud of everyone who was there - everyone looked great, and the lion dance and dragon were a hit. Regardless of the extra challenge posed from the awesome wind, it was a huge success.

Thanks to everyone who helped set up, and who dedicated their time. I enjoyed spending the day with you.

Ack! There’s pepperoni on my back?

No, I did not lay on a bed of meat. I had an acupuncture appointment and had cupping done. However, when my daughter glanced at my back, she said it looked like I had pepperoni on it and started laughing her butt off.

Well, it’s all part of my self care. I have tried many things to help ease my fibromyalgia symptoms, and a few have helped a little temporarily. But the acupuncture and cupping are what is helping the most for me to get a decent nights sleep.

Self care is so important, not only when we are training in Kung Fu, but in our everyday lives. It’s so easy to get caught up in a hurricane of stuff, but we cannot sustain that kind of a pace without consequences. Taking a day off once a week from your requirements to allow your body to rest is vital. Taking time to shut off your electronics and unplug from the world for a little is vital for your mind. Connecting with your family in person is vital for your soul.

Self care means reaching out when you are struggling. It’s recognizing where you are, and what you need. Self care can be hard, as we don’t always recognize when we need it. But looking out for each other, goes a long way.

Family

Family is important to me. And I am grateful to have an amazing family. Both my Kung Fu family and the ones I am related to.

I was invited to a baby shower yesterday, for someone in my new family. I had a lot of anxiety because I have only met the new mom a couple of times, and while I did know my mother in law would be there, I was still way out of my element. Every part of me wanted to stay home, but I knew that I would have regrets. And I am so glad that I pushed myself, as it was a great day.

If I let my anxiety or my depression win, I wouldn’t be where I am today. ( but sometimes it does win) If I didn’t have my family that believed in me, I wouldn’t be where I am today. It is easy to take the path that allows us to stay in our comfort zone. However it doesn’t allow us the opportunity to grow.

Our demos can be intimidating to perform in. But if we avoid trying, we will have difficulty in overcoming them. Our Kung Fu family is all about supporting and encouraging each other. Let’s cherish that and grow together.

Take aways

One of the highlights from this past weekend was our lion dance and demo for the seniors in Stony Plain. They were very engaged and seemed to really appreciate our presence. I had the chance to speak with a few of them, and it reinforced how much we can learn from them. It was also a reminder to be in the moment as much as I can so life doesn’t just slip by.

Where am I and what am I doing?

Acts of kindness and gratitude are two things that can help us to stay in the moment, or return to the present moment. They require us to be mindful of what we are doing in that very instance and it is very grounding. Being mindful can be difficult but it’s not impossible. It takes a little discipline to stop, breath deeply, and remember where you are and what you are doing.

I neglected to do this during the parade and our demo and I regret it. I was on auto pilot and I feel like I missed out on something amazing. I promise I won’t do this on Canada Day!

Family

Yesterday was about family and community. It was about kindness. It was about supporting each other, and it was about having fun. It was both a finale and a beginning to raising awareness and making change.

I am sure that what we have in our school isn’t unique, but it is something that I really appreciate and cherish. The Pandamonium reminds me of what we can accomplish together, and how we can change the world.

Thanks to everyone who was involved, whether you were there for 5 minutes or the whole day. Thanks to everyone who organized, who volunteered, who gave a piece of themselves. It wouldn’t have been a success without you.

Shazaam!

I know that if I don’t write this now, it probably won’t get done this week. So while my head hurts and I am trying to feel motivated, I figured I should just write. I’m not sure where this post will lead, but I am sure it will go somewhere. It’s like our journey. In order for it to evolve in any way, we have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Train when you don’t feel like training. Write, when you don’t feel like you have anything of worth to say. Do something kind when you are in a bad mood.

When life is sitting on us, and it feels like we can’t move, somehow our hearts keep beating, and our lungs keep breathing. So keeping that in front of me, I trust that if I keep moving forward, keep as positive as I can and keep my mentors close by, I can achieve achieve anything. My journey will unfold. Maybe not as I thought it would, but that’s where the hidden gems lie. If you keep showing up, eventually you will be in the right place at the right time and something wonderful will happen.

And something wonderful did happen. This post practically wrote itself, and all I had to do is sit down and start typing. High five!

In the garden

I was down with a migraine yesterday so I didn’t write my blog like I had wanted. The issue now, is I have no idea what to write about. I feel comfortable about where my forms are, and my other requirements are coming along ok right now.

I spent some time in the garden today, and it felt really nice to get in there. I’m not an avid gardener, nor am I really very good. I am also somewhat squeamish when it comes to the life within the dirt. But today gave me some time to just be, and to reflect. I am thankful for my family, and the love and support they give me. I am thankful for my Kung Fu family, for their support and kindness. I am thankful for being able to plant a garden, and to feel the sun on my face. I am thankful to be here, in this moment.

Sweet Sixteen

Our youngest is 16 years old today. 16. And when I think about it, I realize that I have been training in Kung Fu for 15 of those years. A long time on one hand, but barely any time on the other. I still have so much to learn.

Looking back, I still remember her birthday vividly. Her blue eyes staring at me in the middle of the night, all bright eyed and bushy tailed having slept through all the visits throughout the day. And now here we are. I watched her train in Kung fu for 11 years and watched her attain the her 2nd degree brown belt. She doesn’t train anymore, but I can see all of the good lessons it has taught her.

As I sit here and reflect, I have also come to realize how lucky I am to have been able to watch some students grow up. I have seen many go from the Lil Leopards all the way up to the teen/ Adult classes. It really reminds me that time flies, and that we need to cherish all of the moments that we can.

Humility, empathy and compassion

“What humility does for one is it reminds us that there are people before me. I have already been paid for. And what I need to do is prepare myself so that I can pay for someone else who has yet to come but who may be here and needs me.” - Maya Angelou -

I love this quote. It says so much, and applies to everything. We pay our respect for those that came before us when we bow in and out of class. I think about this every time I am on the mats. Because of those that have given us this gift of Kung Fu, I am able to learn, and pass it on to the students of today. And they will be able to pass it on in the future.

We are so very lucky to be training in a traditional martial art. In a world where it seems to be every man for himself, we strive to give to each other and our community. We learn empathy and compassion, as the back bone of our self defence. And because of this, we can change the world.

Progressing wisely

Patience and progressing wisely. A simple phrase to keep in front of myself at all times. I need to be patient with myself and with others when it comes to learning new things. And the same applies to recovering from injuries or illness. Progressing wisely is important as we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others on our journey, nor in our recovery. It’s knowing when to push ourselves and when to stop. When to apply our patience, and when to challenge ourselves.

We are teaching our daughters to drive, and to drive a stick shift no less. It requires a lot of patience, as what comes naturally to us, isn’t so natural for them. It’s knowing when to be compassionate and when to push a little harder. I recognize that I am a little nervous in the passenger seat, so it requires a little more effort on my part to be calm and to laugh at the little mistakes that they make. I have made them count less times too.

When we practice Kung Fu, we need to be patient with ourselves when we take a little longer to understand a concept, and we need to know when to push ourselves just a little harder. But we also need to listen to our instructors, as they have been there before us, and have already experienced the path before us. They are patient with us, and they offer us the tools to progress wisely. It’s up to us to listen and follow through.

For the love of art...

For the love of art. No, I’m not the artist I wish I was, nor am I the artist that our daughter is. I learned a lot last Saturday when our daughter and I took a Watercolour class together. It was a birthday gift for her, and a I Ho Chuan goal for myself.

It was a great day as I got to spend some serious quality time with her, and watching the joy on her face as she created is something that I will forever cherish. I learned that day, that I am very hard on myself and spent a lot of time trying not to compare myself to her or to the others in the class. I learned that when it comes to creating art, I am not good with details and prefer to create images that are more abstract and less precise. Our Haley is all about the details.

This got me thinking about my eye for detail when it comes to Kung Fu. I know it’s there, but I also realized that sometimes I miss the details because my mind is already somewhere else. I have to work on that, and it will start with being more mindful. Stopping and asking myself that very valuable question: “Where am I and what am I doing?”

I couldn’t upload her painting, but it can be seen here on Instagram @c0rrupted.king

Kindness

Kindness is...not random
Kindness is...something we need more of
Kindness is...an act of selflessness
Kindness is...a smile to a stranger
Kindness is...an extra hug to a loved one
Kindness is...doing a little extra for someone else
Kindness is...a warm hand on a cold night
Kindness is...a phone call when you feel alone
Kindness is...listening to stories of the good old days from older generations
Kindness is...making breakfast for your loved one
Kindness is...a ripple in a giant pond
Kindness is...has a butterfly effect
Kindness is...the warm feeling you get in making someone else’s day
Kindness is...thoughtful and requires little energy

Where is the value?

Where is the value in blogging? Where is the value in reading our teammates blogs? Or the value in leaving a like or a comment?

I find that although finding words or mining out my thoughts to write a blog can be difficult, it’s crucial in the journey. It marks places where you are having difficulties, where you are having successes and is a great place to mark your path. It serves to sort out the weeks goals and review them. It helps to keep you accountable, both to yourself and to the team.

Reading your teammates blogs, keeps you connected when you are away, or when you feel a disconnect. We can help each other if we know where we are all at, and what we are struggling with. I sometimes get motivated by reading other blogs, and inspired by the journeys taking place around me.

And the value in liking and/ or commenting? It let’s us all know that we are not alone in the journey. I won’t always comment, as there isn’t always something to say. However I do make an effort to read them all (or watch) and I appreciate the same.

We are a team, and while we have separate journeys, we are going through this together. Through all the ups and downs, there is strength in numbers. Together we can accomplish great things.

Apparently, you can’t reason with a zombie...

I took a test for fun recently to find out my role in the event of a zombie apocalypse and I’d be the voice of reason. But I was told you can’t reason with zombies, and growing cauliflower to confuse them wouldn’t actually work. Oh well.

I’ll just work on my sword skills then. My Tai Chi Broadsword to be precise. I am ready to show what I have, but I haven’t completed the whole form yet, however I plan to have this done in the next 2 weeks. It is coming along, and so far my wrists are holding up, which was a concern going in.

I think I will have to speed up my form in order for it to look presentable in a demo though (and in the case of a zombie invasion).

Grateful

I missed my blog day yesterday due to a migraine, so here it is, albeit a day late. This past week, I have been thinking about those that came before us and that have helped to shape us as we are today.

My thoughts were with family members that are no longer with us, and also with the martial arts masters that have passed. The people we surround ourselves with have an influence on the decisions we make and the values that we hold close.

I have also considered where I might be if not for our past masters. I don’t know what my life would look like, but I can say that I am truly grateful to be learning Kung Fu and to be living a life of consequence. I have seen what it has done for myself, for my daughters, and for our whole family. I am in Canada, learning a martial art that only 50 years ago I might not have had the opportunity because I am not Chinese.

Over the last 15 years, I have seen the faces around me change. I no longer hang around with the people I used to and I contribute this to my evolution. My values have changed, and I know I am a better person than I used to be. And this is reflected in the people I surround myself with.

I am thankful for my family, my Kung Fu family, and the opportunities that I have had.

Ha Ha!

I have a few ideas floating around around my head right now, but I am also not feeling great at the moment so I hope this is linear. Please bear with me. Bare with me? No, it’s got to be bear with me. Right?

Today was a rest day, which was totally needed, both physically and mentally. And my family is super supportive so they helped distract my weary brain, and I felt lots of love today. Which was needed, and for their time and love I am totally grateful. Thanks family.

My requirements are coming along, and I am already much further ahead than I was last year at this time. My new app is helping quite a bit. I am still learning the Tai Chi Broadsword form, and will have that down by the end of March I hope. I definitely connect with Tai Chi, and am really enjoying this form so far.

I am going to be taking an art class with my daughter in early April and I am really looking forward to that. I am not as talented as she is, but it will be awesome to spend the day with her and be creative together.

Yes, this is a choppy blog, but you were warned that it wasn’t going to be great. You kept reading, so that’s on you. Ha ha!

My journey

As with previous years, my journey is and will be defined by mental illness. Depression and anxiety have been personal acquaintances for as long as I can remember.

During the year of the rooster, I let them lie to me and my blogging and requirements suffered because I gave in. This year I am striving to fight the whole time.

It can be difficult to write when my mind is screaming at me that I am not good at anything, but I just need to start. Once I start, the process kicks in and the words are there. One blog I wrote during one of those darker times, was about success. A success can be as simple as getting out of bed and getting dressed. It can be as simple as putting one step out the door when your mind is telling you to crawl under the covers.

I am not under any illusions that I won’t have difficult days, today being one of them. However, if I simply do my sit-ups and push-ups, I am further ahead. I will keep forging ahead, and I won’t give up. I will let the good days lead me forward, and I will try to keep my perspective.

There is an orange tabby in my lap right now, and that makes me happy.

Abstraction

Saturday we walked in the Coldest Night of the Year fundraiser with the Csillag family and the Bjorkquist family. This fundraiser was for the parkland food bank, and was important to bring awareness to, as well as raise funds for.

Where I felt the most impact, was how much the inability to buy food was such an abstraction for me. I always try to buy a little extra when I buy groceries and place them in the food bank bin on my way out. But that isn’t enough. I believe the effects are similar to just writing a cheque for a charity without caring or understanding why you are doing so.

It reminded me of the periods of time in my life where I struggled to put food on the table. It was a reminder that people of all circumstances, near and far struggle with the same issues. How something that I take for granted is a luxury for so many.

So how do I keep this in front of me? Why is it easier for me to keep the charities we support in front of me, but yet all of these others are still an abstraction? I don’t have an answer, other than to reflect, and to be grateful every day.

I want to thank the Csillag family for leading our team in this. I had a wonderful time, and am so very glad that we were able to participate.

Best year ever!

Goodbye Rooster, hello Dog!

The banquet is now behind us, and we are into the new year. I have to say that last night went relatively well, and while I was looking forward to having it behind us, I am sort of sad to see it go.

It’s takes a lot of space in my head, and after a while it is both tiring but invigorating at the same time. Strange I know. Anyway, on to new goals, and a fresh new year.

Welcome to all of the new members, and I am also happy to see all of you who are returning. I will miss those of you who aren’t on the team this year, but you won’t be forgotten!

Let’s have the best year ever!

Oh my brain!

I was down with a migraine yesterday so missed my blog day. And to be honest, I am not sure where to start today. I’m nervous about the banquet this year as our format is different, and I just feel like something is missing. My brain perhaps?

I am sure though that we will have fun, and we will get through it. It’s a bit exciting as we should have people there who have never experienced our banquet before and I am looking forward to their reactions.

Only a few days more, and then onto the Year of the Dog! Woof!

Food 101

I’m a vegetarian and have been for many years. And I generally don’t find it too difficult, nor do I even miss meat. However, it can make going out interesting sometimes.

Last night we went to the Ging Wu Chinese New Year banquet, and I was reminded of my eating habits/ issues. In theory, being vegetarian at the banquet isn’t so tough. Being a picky vegetarian is though. I have always had issues with texture when it comes to food, so I am careful with what I put in my mouth. And last night was not easy for texture. I didn’t starve by any means, although I did eat beforehand.

Mushrooms are a big deterrent for me, even though they are so good for you. The taste and texture is just wrong. I am starting to like tomatoes though, although I do still have a ways to go there too. Anyway, I hope to improve my palette, so that I can enjoy more variety.

Tai Chi

I have been practicing Tai Chi since 2009, and I am still working on it. Like Kung Fu, it’s a lifelong journey as there is always something new to learn, and I will never really master it.

Tai Chi has many benefits. It’s great for building those little muscles, for balance, for flow, stress relief, meditation, and even pain relief. And anyone can do Tai Chi. It is low impact, or no impact, and therefore does not stress any muscles or joints.

When I started learning Tai Chi, I was just healing from a broken ankle. While it took time, with practice the little muscles got stronger and gave me more stability. Of course there are still days where that ankle bothers me, but I don’t think that I would’ve healed as well without Tai Chi.

For me, Tai Chi offers moving meditation. It gives me so much mentally, and allows me to be in the moment. I can feel my heart rate drop, my breathing slow down, and my stress melt away. I become more in tune with my body and everything that I am feeling, both physically and mentally.

Adding Tai Chi to your Kung Fu training is a great way to enhance your balance, flow and timing.

Goals

There is nothing like a demo, banquet or tournament to prepare for. They help us to re-focus on our training by giving us a very specific goal to work towards.

It’s easy to become complacent and accept mediocrity when we don’t have any goals. And those goals are just dreams if we don’t have a plan to achieve them. We all have our goals for the year, both the mandatory ones and the personal ones, but we also have some mechanisms (goals) to help us along the way. The Chinese New Year banquet, the Pandamonium, Heritage Days, Canada Day, the Tiger Challenge, and the other demos that occur throughout the year.

I am thankful for those opportunities as they give me the needed motivation when I don’t realize that I have lost mine. They serve as an important anchor in my training, so that I don’t quietly drift away. They keep me engaged with my teammates and with the school, as well as it brings me back to the community.

Spear or Broadsword

It’s too bad this blog won’t write itself. I have been trying (more like thinking about I) for a few hours now. Too often when I get like this, I put it off and I am lucky if I can get something out for the week.

I have finished putting my year of the dog requirements into a spreadsheet for tracking and I have been pondering my weapon form choice. I was planning on the schools spear form, but after talking about it with Sifu Brinker, it might not be my best option. The tendinitis I experience will definitely slow me down and very possibly hold me back. So what to do? I realize it’s a risk for any weapon and it’s a risk I have to mitigate. My second choice is the Tai Chi Broadsword form with the light weight sword. It’s very, very late in the game for me to be second guessing this.

I think I just talked myself into the Tai Chi Broadsword. Less risk involved, and therefore the smarter thing to do.

Hm. I guess this blog did just write itself.

Joy

One of the reasons I love teaching kids is simple. Joy. It is so rewarding to see their smiles, hear their giggles and see the delight in their eyes. I see their joy, and I also feel joy and that makes it so worthwhile. It can be challenging sometimes, but those challenges make joy even more rewarding.

I cherish seeing the students grow, and improve. Watching them grow more confident reminds me of what this journey is all about. The younger kids especially are almost always in the moment and don’t sweat the small stuff. I have so much to learn from them.

Traditions

Traditions help keep us connected, bring people together, and remind us of things that need to be remembered.

Traditions can be used to show signs of respect, and are important to keeping us in the moment. Reminding us of where we are and what we are doing. They remind of where we come from, and what gifts and opportunities we have been given.

They may remind us of who we have lost, and can give us an opportunity to reflect and keep them in our hearts.

Think about who you are. Think about all of the people and experiences that have helped to mold you and that have brought you here today. And all of the different paths taken, that brought you here.

There are a lot of students that I don’t know yet, and black belts that I have only heard of by name. However, they are important in my journey. I am here today, grateful for all of those who have come before me, those who train with me now, and those that I have yet to meet.