External what?

For a while now, I have been focusing more on my internal Kung Fu, and it’s time to start working on my external. It started with my broken ankle two years ago, and I now have injuries that seem to either accumulate, or they seem to appear as I am healing from another one.

UBBT8 is going to give me the push/ goals that will help to bring my external Kung Fu up to par. My shoulder/ hip harmony seems to depend upon the level of pain I am experiencing in my hip, and my foot/ hand harmony is dependent on the pain level in my foot. Haha, I am a mess. But I know I will get better.

My Tai Chi is coming along, and one of my requirements is to perform it completely 100 times over the next year. A couple of spots also aggravate my hip, but Tai Chi is a little more forgiving as to how I can adjust my body. I can make two smaller pivots, as opposed to one pivot, so that helps.

I need to work on my cane sequences a little more. I have been somewhat restrained with wrist tendonitis, but again, it’s all about adjustments. Say I can do two sets of the sequences instead of a dozen. I have had to make adjustments for my wrists in other areas too. For example, pushups hurt my wrists palms down, so I do knuckle pushups instead.

While I have these goofy little physical annoyances, I know that I will come out stronger over the next year. I am looking forward to starting it off with 1000 pushups and 1000 situps on January 1st.

37 Years

My parents have been married for 37 years today. They have always been a source of inspiration, and I think they have something special. In a time where divorce seems so easy, they still have a lot of love and affection for each other.

They have always set a good example for me and my brother, and continue to do so for my children. They have a solid base, and have always been there for each other. And they have always been there for their family.

They’ve always given their guidance freely, and their forgiveness comes quickly. They provide stability and a place I am always welcome. I receive unlimited love and nurturing, which enables me to give the same to my children.

I want to congratulate them today, and wish them many more years to come.

Plans and the number 8

My brain is full of things I want to accomplish, and it can be very overwhelming sometimes. I know I have to prioritize, and instead of thinking about them, I need to just sit down and put them into action.

I am excited because the UBBT 8 can really help me with this. I have some goals already laid out, and have been contemplating a few more. It’s a little scary, as I want to find the right balance right now, but I know I might bite off more than I can chew.

Overall, my biggest plan is to live simply, and to live in the moment as much as I can. All of my littler goals are going to contribute to this, and I hope to find more inner peace. It sounds a little hokey maybe, but I believe I can do this.

Choices

Every day we make choices. Some aren’t the best, but I think overall, we try to make the right ones. Sometimes, it’s easy to let someone get under our skin and to react accordingly, but sometimes, it’s better to just smile.

I was in the grocery store about a week ago, and something happened. Nothing extraordinary or anything, but I made a choice and I feel good about it. I was shopping with my youngest daughter (8 yrs), and we went to a checkout. When we pulled in with our cart, the light was on, but after unloading a few things, the cashier said “Excuse me, but I am closed.” Then I noticed her light was off. Nice. But instead of making it an issue, which would have been easy, I chose to smile, look at my daughter and tell her that we need to find a new cashier. The one next to us called out to us with a smile, so it helped me to keep my spirit up. I could have said something, but I felt that maybe this person had a bad day, or just a really long busy one, and so it isn’t a big deal for me to move on. And my daughter was with me, and there was no need to get upset in front of her. I want to teach her to have peace in her heart, and my choosing not to get angry and move on with a smile, I hope I set a good example for her.

Fist Bump

I am not sure what to write about this week.

Winter seems to be here to stay. On one hand I like it, but mostly I don’t like it, mostly due to the cold. I hate being cold, and since I can be cold in the midst of summer, I find it really frustrating sometimes. I also find that the dreariness and the dark affect me too, and so it can be difficult to start each day. It’s also easier to withdraw from things, but thankfully I have things like Kung Fu to keep me going.

No matter how I am feeling, going to Kung Fu whether to teach or to learn, I always feel better after. Chinese new year is coming, and I have started to think about my kids classes. I don’t know what direction we’ll go in yet, but I am excited about the possibilities.

The Black Dragons class tomorrow is going to focus on bullying. I feel that while the schools talk about a zero tolerance, they really don’t seem to do anything about it. I have seen it countless times, and I find that any change ultimately lies in the parents. Is that right? I don’t think so. What happened to suspensions? Or detentions? Or actual consequences to their actions? It needs to change. And I hope that I can start to make a lasting one.

Pandemonium and stuff

Something that I have been waiting for has finally happened! I got my letter of offer last Tuesday afternoon, and I started my new position on Wednesday. I am now a Health Services clerk, and so far I am loving it. It felt surreal on Wednesday, as I have waited for 5 months to go there, and the strange thing was that I was overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time.

I didn’t let go of all the previous job stress as quickly as I thought I would, and initially I was worried about my decision. However, it was the absolutely right one. I have zero doubts about that. I am able to utilize my previous experience/ knowledge, and am gaining more. I still have lots to learn, and I have to find a new rhythm, but that will come. So far, I like the people, and the passion they have for what they do.

This week, we completed our annual Pandemonium. It was a lot of fun, but I was a little disappointed that more students didn’t show up. It happens every year, and I only saw a couple of classes so I could be wrong, but what I don’t understand is that no matter if you fundraise or not, it is still a lot of fun to participate in. At least, I always have a lot of fun, however I can’t speak for everyone.

Congratulations to all who participated in the Pandemonium! Awesome job!

Hmmm

I am really not sure what to write about today. The Pandemonium is this week, and I am excited about it. I really hope it all comes together, and that everyone has fun completing it.

I have a lot going on right now in my head. I am refining my goals for the UBBT 8, trying to plan my classes, and have numerous other projects that I want to tackle. One thing at a time though right?

On another note, Aung San Suu Kyi was released from a 7 1/2 year house arrest in Burma yesterday. It will be interesting to see if she can make a difference in a country that has been ruled by the military for the last several decades. She has a lot of support, and is someone I admire. She has tenacity and passion, and is someone who makes a difference, even while under house arrest. The world is watching...

It’s amazing how one person can make such a difference. She gives hope to the thousands of supporters in her country, and hope to everyone around the world. Her spirit has not been broken, and I admire her strength.

Limbo

I have been waiting to hear about my transfer to a different unit, and at the end of October I was told that November 15th would be my start day. Well, I still don't have a letter, so that day will pass by and I will still be where I am now. The good thing is that I have a job, regardless and I am lucky. Many people don't. So I'll keep waiting in limbo, and doing what I do.

Acts of Kindness

My kids impressed me yesterday. I feel some guilt because I realized that I don’t always give them enough credit, and don’t always recognize how big their hearts are. I know I hold them to a high standard, and it causes me to miss some of the little things.

Yesterday, we were heading up to my mom and dads, and were waiting for the elevator with a lady who was using the building cart to bring a couple of boxes and stuff upstairs. After pushing the button a few times, it became apparent that someone had locked the elevator on the 4th floor.

I asked the lady what floor she needed, and then I offered to help her carry it up the stairs. Haley was right in there, and so was Maya, even though she was really grouchy. It turns out the lady was getting a head start on moving her daughter into the building, and she was really nice. And extremely grateful, as she would have had to somehow bring up the boxes on her own.

Haley said to me after, that she felt really good for helping, and she had a giant smile on her face. And even though Maya refused to look at me, I knew that she felt good too. So while I volunteered them to help, they jumped right in, and made me proud.

It proves that small things can make a huge difference.

Treat others the way you want to be treated

How do we teach our children and peers to be leaders? I really believe in setting an example, so instead of talking too much, we need to actually do more. We need them to see us doing what we say to do, and to visibly see our passion.

So how do we show our children the way to lead when they are at school? How do you define the line between helping and being taken advantage of? I hope that be talking as a family, and discussing things that happen, without dismissing them is a good start. So is doing more at Kung Fu.

I try to be involved in my kids training, by training with them. I hope that with them seeing my involvement in my school, and by including them in our community, and volunteering our family, that it will encourage them to lead.

Together we can make a difference. We walk the walk, and talk the talk.

Kung Fu

I realized something not too long ago, and it became more evident this week in my older daughter.

I noticed her coordination in her swimming lessons over the summer, and her lessons now. Compared to the other kids her age, her ability to move her arms and legs together but separately is way ahead of the others.

And this week, she was telling me about how they are learning football in gym class. She was on a team of 4 with 3 other boys, and she was telling me that she is good at throwing, and that out of the kids in her class, she is one of the only ones who can step forward and throw the ball at the same time.

This brought our conversation to Kung Fu. I told her that it was Kung Fu that has given her that coordination, and the ability to move her body like that. She was a little surprised, but I explained that we do that stuff every class. It’s in our forms, in our techniques, and even sparring. As it dawned on her, that Kung Fu is going to help her in all sports, her face lit up.

I am really excited to see how much Kung Fu will positively influence the rest of her life. (Of course, there is the mental discipline and focus, but that’s for another blog)

Thanks for you...

My family, for bringing meaning to my life. For your unconditional love, laughter, and support.

My children, for giving me purpose, and a sense of being. For letting me relive your innocence, and for teaching me how to stay in the moment.

My Kung Fu, for helping me grow as a person, to become more accountable, and to further myself in making a difference in the world around me.

My friends, for sharing experiences, for the support in good and bad times, and for always being just a phone call away.

My health, for allowing me to be healthy enough to work hard to provide for my family, and to enjoy the life that I have blessed with.

My country, for giving me access to health care, the freedom to vote, and a relatively safe place to live.

Mother Earth, for providing us with air, soil, and water, so that we can cohabitate with all other life. I am sorry, that us, the human race, have not shown you enough respect, and I hope with all I am, that it isn’t too late.

Happy Thanksgiving.

This one is untitled.

It can be really hard to write something sometimes. I could take the easy way out, and tell myself I will do it tomorrow, but tomorrow never comes right?

So briefly - I have started physiotherapy for my wonky hip and wrist tendonitis. We’ll see how that goes. I have also been seriously considering UBBT 8 and have a few requirements for myself already. Hmmm, this blog isn’t much, but it’s something...

Not much today I'm afraid...

Sometimes these are really hard to write. It isn't like I don't have anything to say either, it's more that there is just too much to put into words without putting myself to sleep (or anyone else for that matter).

I have started the first steps in at least knowing what is going on with my hip. Something happened on May 8th, and the only thing unusual that comes to mind is playing tag at the park that day. It isn't always bad, but I know it's there, taunting me. It affects my training directly, and because I compensate for it, my bad ankle hasn't been feeling too nice. Arg.

I am happy though, that I think I found a direction for one of my classes. I guess that's what happens when you have to train differently, or not really at all. I am looking forward to developing it and seeing it through.

Till next time...

I’m not Acting, I am just pretending

I have been Acting Supervisor for two weeks now. I have the title, but really no authority. I can make the most basic decisions, and all others still have to be run through the big cheese. That’s alright though, as that part gives me less stress. But overall, the day to day stress is getting to me.

I am not going to go into details, as that would just be boring. There is always some stuff we would rather not have to deal with, but have to. I am thinking that this position has been giving me migraines though. Not my typical ones, but with the pain and sensitivity, I am sure that is what is going on.

One of my future bosses in Health Services had mentioned to me that Acting will give me some extra experience, and that moving to their unit will also give me more so in the future I can move into a higher position. But frankly, I am really not sure that is what I want. I like not having the extra stress associated with a higher position. My life is busy, and it satisfies me. I think I will leave any future Supervisor/ Manager positions for the others.

I am excited to be moving to Health Services in the next month or so. It is something that has always interested me, and while it is intimidating to start something new, I can’t wait.

For the love of...

Teaching.

Yesterday was our annual forms seminar. I have attended them as a cue belt, and as black belt, and I have to say that the learning never stops.

Teaching a form to a someone different, always offers me a new and fresh way of looking at things. And since we all learn differently, and teach differently, there is always great gains ( in my opinion).

We had 8 students, and while it was a good number for the kwoon, I was a little saddened that there weren’t more taking advantage of this opportunity. Oh well, next year.

What was pretty neat though, was that there was only on student who had attended a forms seminar before. It was truly great to see all those eager faces, and I really hope they got something valuable out of it. I know I did.

Tree Hugger

Children of the fragile forest gather around
Where bird song seems to be the loudest sound
A place called Summer, green as you could please
A place where we all proudly hug the trees.

Hug trees for the walnuts and sweet apples
For the shade above small country chapels
For giving squirrel and crow a place to live
For the priceless gift of oxygen they give.

Follow your feet across a woodland floor
Beneath the tall and ancient sycamore
Under redwood, under tall blue pine
Come with me and form an endless line.

Join the boy whose name is simply ME
Take your turn and hug a mighty tree
A wish we cast upon an August breeze
A dream to cross the seven sacred seas.

Release it now, just like a big balloon...
A prayer to reach the mountains of the moon
To citizens of Earth alas we say
Go find yourself a tree to hug today!

And if a grownup says Don’t be a fool!
Or Is that what they’re teaching you in school
Just find this poem and read this simple rhyme
It’s cool to HUG a TREE from time to time!

Children this is how the world can be
Making Earth plan A and not plan B
Wear Change! Share Change! Sing Change! Bring Change
And start by hugging a tree!


Todd-Michael St. Pierre

I got my running pants on!

I was just watching Bugs Bunny, and when he said this, I knew it was would be a perfect blog title.

Now what to write about! I have noticed my stress level being at a higher level over the past couple of weeks. I have found myself on many occasions in the midst of clenching my jaw, resulting in subsequent headaches, and overall tension. It has taken some thought to try to figure out what is going on, and I think I know now. Maybe I am a dork for worrying about it, especially when I don’t have any control over it.

The only thing that comes to mind, is the change my oldest daughter is heading for on September 1st. She is going to middle school, complete with new kids, a new bus, and a locker. Deep down I know she will adjust, but it has been really difficult this summer watching her grow up. I have dreams about sending her to school totally unprepared, and it has affected me, as much as I try to deny it.

My stress diminished a little once I had all their school supplies, but it is still there, niggling at me. I am just not ready for this! Again, I know she will be fine, and so will I, but this has been way harder than I ever imagined.

Once our routine is settled, I will settle down too. We don’t have any Kung Fu classes this week so the kids can get prepared for and settled into their back to school routines. It is a great idea, but I think that I need Kung Fu more than ever. So I am heading in for a couple of hours this week, not to train, but to put some sweat and blood into the Kwoon. It’s a mental training, and it will help me out a lot.

Sleep, sweet sleep

Orkut Myspace Sleep Well Comments & Graphics

Sleep is something that a lot of us take for granted. Yet, when you cannot fall asleep, the desperation is insurmountable.

Generally, I do not have any problems sleeping. I fall asleep fairly quickly, and I can nap without really trying, so I consider myself lucky. Sleep has a huge affect on us. It is when our bodies heal, and one way we get the energy we need to function.

Some impacts of sleep deprivation include poor concentration, poorer judgement, and a higher risk of injury. It can affect your relationships, how you learn, and how you perform. Long term deprivation is associated with high blood pressure, heart problems, a higher risk of stroke, obesity, and Attention Deficit Disorder. It has a direct impact on anxiety and it can become a vicious circle. Not enough sleep can aggravate anxiety, which can then make it more difficult to fall asleep.

Our environment can affect our sleep as well. Having a tv in your bedroom, having a lot of clutter around us, or having bright lights on as we fall asleep and having pets in our bed can disrupt our sleep.

So what can we do? Have a set routine, with specific waking and lights out times. Keeping that routine as much as possible, sleeping in the dark, so our bodies know it’s time to rest. It helps to minimize clutter, as well as getting some exercise every day, but not to exercise too close to bed time. Avoiding caffeine for approximately 6 hours before bed, as well as not eating a big meal right before bed will help encourage our bodies to rest.

Sleep is important, and we don’t realize it until we become deprived. It effects every aspect of our life. And with school starting right away, our sleep routines should be a priority.

Big Sigh

Unfortunately, I don't seem to have much to say. It will be great when the renovations at the Kwoon are finished, and I am enjoying how it is all coming together. It is wonderful working as a team (although I can't do a whole lot), and coming together as a Kung Fu family. It is slowly coming together, and it's going to be great.

On another note, I am exhausted. A large part is probably because of the major decline in physical training due to injury. Ah well...there is a reason why this is a life long journey to mastery.

Sometimes you just have to stick your neck out...

A couple of months ago, I stuck my neck out. Or put my foot in the door, or maybe I just threw my words out there and hoped they would stick where I wanted them too.

Last week, my effort bore fruit. I had been wanting to get into the health field, and before I took classes, I sent out an email to the Health Services unit in my building. And all I did was say that if there was ever any openings, I would like to be considered.

This past week, I was considered, and it looks like I will be working over there come September. I am really excited, and looking back, I made the right decision in throwing that email out there. So with that being said, I am really glad that I put myself out there, as change doesn’t happen without you making it happen.

I have known many people that bemoan their situation, and yet do nothing about it. They are just sitting around hoping that the opportunity will just present itself, and it never does. It is up to us to create our opportunities, and sometimes that means making your dreams known, showing up at the right place consistently, and being patient until the right time presents itself.

Take Kung Fu for example. If you don’t show up to class on a regular basis, and make that commitment, you could very well miss out on an opportunity to learn something fantastic. How easy would it be to miss a new way of seeing things from an instructor that hasn’t been to your class before? Or missing the opportunity to learn from someone like Master McNeill? Or even missing the opportunity to put your own sweat and blood into the place you train?

Great things don’t just happen. Great things are made to happen.

Progressing Wisely

Training has been a challenge for me again over the past 3 weeks, due to 2 broken ribs. But it’s nothing new right? I think that I am finally have things in perspective and am at a point where I am training/ progressing wisely.

With my latest injury, I took some time off. Not completely, as I continued to teach, and practice Tai Chi, but I did not push too hard. I was/ am aware of the impact of pushing too hard, too fast. I have done it many times before. It is difficult not to train, or to see how far you can go before it hurts, and it takes many reminders to take it easy. It’s so important to know when to rest, and when to push, and I am getting better at this. I have many injuries, that have become chronic from pushing too hard too fast, and I can say that it has held me back in the past.

This time, I made sure I took some time to rest, and I stayed engaged in my training by staying involved with the school. It would be really easy to just sit at home and feel sorry for myself, but by going anyway, doing a little training, and by surrounding myself with my Kung Fu family, I managed to stay engaged. Since it’s been 3 weeks since this rib injury, I can actually say that I don’t hurt too much anymore. I still have to be careful, but it is definitely getting better.

Itty Bitty Acres

This spring, I joined a CSA - Community Supported Agriculture. The idea of locally grown produce, without any chemicals whatsoever, and delivered close to home weekly really appealed to me. The concept is neat - you pay in advance for the season, and then once things are grown, they are harvested and brought to you. It can be a little risky I guess, as you take a chance on the weather like a farmer would. But that risk is worth it.

Interestingly, I had seen these advertised in the US, and within a week or so of discovering those, I found an ad for one here. I was so excited I had to find out more.

It was a decision I am really glad I made. We have only had two deliveries so far, but it tastes better (in my opinion) than store bought organic produce. Maybe it’s because I know it didn’t travel far, and that it was grown with love. I am excited because it is enabling us to eat more veggies this summer, and making an impact on our environment. All it takes is one person, one choice, to change the tide.

Even my kids are excited. When I pulled out a few giant lettuce leaves tonight, their eyes grew large, and the prospect of eating a locally grown salad had them digging right in. I think I have to find a few more recipes, as there is more veggies to come, that we don’t normally eat. But I can’t wait.

www.ittybittyacres.weebly.com

Sometimes

Sometimes it is hard to stay positive when the injustices of the world are in your face.

Sometimes it is hard to keep trying to make a difference, when it seems to go ignored.

Sometimes it is difficult to stay positive about your training when you have a broken rib, and every movement hurts.

Sometimes it is easy to see things from a different angle, when the usual angle is removed.

Sometimes it is easier to smile, when you focus on the here and now.

Sometimes, it is hard to take a deep breath, but not so to hard relax.

Sometimes going to my happy place is all I need to get through the day.

Sometimes perspective on life happens when we least expect it.

Sometimes your training guides you instead of you guiding it.

Sometimes, maybe all the time, things happen for a reason.

And sometimes a good blog is hard to write. :-(

ACME

So, another hiccup in my training has presented itself. I am not complaining, as it occurred during class and it was a great one. It’s amazing what can happen when your timing is off, even just for a second. One misjudged step can really impact (haha) things. I laugh at the word impact because that is exactly what happened.

As a blue belt (I think), I misjudged my timing during sparring, and walked into a kick, thus breaking some ribs and permanently changing how I train to this day. Take this same error in timing on Friday, and I walk into a kick again, and injure my ribs on the other side. Oops.

For the most part I would say my timing is pretty good, but obviously I have to work on it more. I know that with all my past injuries, my relationship with the six harmonies has suffered. I don’t mean to complain, as every injury has forced me to focus more on my mental training and that is a vital part of Kung Fu.

I was part of the Canada Day demo on Thursday, and it felt really good. Obviously the day before this latest rib injury. It has been a while since I was able to put my whole self into a form, without any real pain. The demo was in my opinion, pure awesomeness. It was great to see a whole group of us perform, and the crowd was fantastic. I really enjoy doing demo’s (even though my stomach was a mess that morning). Both Sifu Playter’s did a great job of the demo, as did all the participants. Way to go guys!!!

Alpha

Yesterday was our annual boot camp, and while I didn’t make it to the morning seminars, I was there for the afternoon and the couple that I was most looking forward to.

I missed the Alpha training by Karen Chambers the last time she was out 5 years ago, so it was really great to take part yesterday. I discovered that I have been using a lot of these techniques already, however I came away with some insight and ideas. And the opportunity to try one presented itself tonight.

My daughters were exhausted from the weekend Kung Fu Kids camp. Which is good. They played hard, and had a great time. My youngest daughter is a great sleeper, so while the storm tonight presented a little challenge for her to fall asleep in, it was an enormous obstacle for my oldest.

While lying in bed with her, I decided to try some guided meditation to help her relax, and hopefully drift off to sleep. She found her happy place, and it seemed to work - her breathing slowed down, and I could feel her whole body loosen up. However, those efforts were little for the lasting storm. Whenever I thought she was asleep, a clap of thunder would wake her again. I discovered though, that while guiding her meditation, I was also relaxed. The good thing is, I think I can use this with her on a more regular basis, and maybe, just maybe she can start doing it herself.

Harder than I thought

Somehow, I thought this week’s blog would be simple to write, but I am having some difficulties putting my thoughts into something coherent.

We have put the first three parts of the Tai Chi Long form together over the past couple of weeks, and I love it. I have had some problems in the past with putting them together with any flow, and now it is a little easier. I find that when we are learning one part, I tend to focus on that, and let the rest of the form slide. Shame on me. I am hoping that I can keep this up, and add part four on without forgetting anything. I really love Tai Chi, and the sense of peace it gives me.

I actually get that peace from all my forms - mostly the breathing ones. It feels great to just do the form, without thinking of anything. It always gives me a chuckle when I come out of the void - whether it’s from some injury yelling at me, or whatever brings me back. I always feel so lost. I forget where I am in the form, or what form I was doing in the first place.

I know I have to keep progressing wisely, so as to keep my injuries quiet, and hopefully I can reconnect the six harmonies.

Stealthy Snakes Slither Silently

Where am I, and what am I doing?

I am currently exploring a couple of avenues career wise. I have a meeting with another unit on Wednesday, and am looking into possibly taking a course through distance learning. Where these could lead me, I have no idea. But I do know, that I need to push forward. I will be acting supervisor for my current unit for a 4 month stint starting September, but I am not sure that it is what I truly want.

I have been trying to rest my body a bit - perhaps to heal a little. I guess it’s going alright, but like everything else it’s a journey. It’s a journey fraught with frustration and small joys. I just have to remember to celebrate the small joys, and shrug off the frustration.

I am here, and I am moving forward.

Superstar

I am sitting outside right now, and enjoying the sunshine (and wind). It seems like a windy year so far. Oh well.

I missed the parade yesterday, but I knew that if I chose to walk it, I would do some damage to my already gibbled body. I heard a lot of students showed up for it, and I am glad. We also cleaned up outside the kwoon yesterday - picked garbage, cut the grass, and hosed down the buildings. It was fun - something my kids were really excited about doing. That always impresses me when they see the impact we make when we pick up garbage. Every spring after the snow melts, and they see all the trash on the ground, they are eager to get out there and clean it up.

Speaking of kids, it is amazing how life with them changes. I remember when they were small, and thinking that I couldn’t wait until they grew up more and were more independent. Then things would be easier. Boy was I wrong. It seems to get harder the older they get. I miss the days when they were smaller, everything was black and white, and the answers were so much simpler. Now there are a lot of shades of grey, I question my decisions a lot more, they question my decisions a lot more, and the answers are not so simple anymore. They are growing up right before my eyes, and it seems that if I blink, I miss something. Don’t me wrong, they bring me joy every day, and I am proud of them and their accomplishments. Maybe I am just getting older.

At what point are they old enough to make their own decisions? When do they truly understand consequences, and that when I push them when they don’t want to be pushed, I am helping them to become accountable adults one day? I worry about resentment towards me for being stubborn about not quitting, and I worry if I am doing the right thing. At what point do I let them make more of their own decisions? I made a decision today that came from my heart, and while I question it, I know it was the right choice.

Something else I have thought about this week is how every family is different, and that I am thankful for the one I have. Every family has it’s own dynamics, and it’s own rituals. We have our way of doing things, and our way of supporting each other. We are as individuals unique, and yet we are almost extensions of each other. I see traits in my children, that I also see in myself, and yet there are traits that are completely their own. We are a sum of our parts, and we are special.

It's empty in there

I am not sure what to write about today. I am still figuring out how to keep training while my body heals (if that’s possible), without getting frustrated. I am surrounded by like minded people, all of whom inspire me with their discipline and focus, so staying motivated shouldn’t be a problem. But it is a struggle, with some days more difficult than others. Oh well, one day at a time.

On another unrelated note, the news has been depressing lately. There seem to have been a lot of incidents involving children in our surrounding area, and it is depressing. I know it is something that maybe seems disproportionate right now compared to other crimes, when it just might all seem to be happening at once. It can get hard to bear, and hard to keep believing we can make a difference, when there is so much apathy in the world.

But I know deep down, that as long as we keep spreading awareness, and keep trying, that difference can happen, and will. I just watched this video as it always makes me smile.

www.wherethehellismatt.com/videos.shtml?fbid=XgvV1bycc5q

A marionette, not batman.

When I think of the six harmonies, I think about a marionette puppet. One movement, creates another, where every movement is connected. If I move my hands, my feet also need to move - together, but separate. My knees and elbows move, together but separate. My hips and shoulders, also together but separate.

I have been noticing this mostly in Tai Chi, but there I struggle too, because of my injuries. My body cannot quite move in harmony, as I need to protect (or baby) the pains that occur when I try. However, moving slowly and with absolute purpose, has made me much more aware of how my body needs to move.

Yesterday, I found myself thinking more about my internal Kung Fu. I cannot seem to harmonize myself physically yet, so I need to focus more on my internal harmonies. My spirit should be connected to my intention, my intention should be connected to my chi, and my chi to my strength. It is challenging in that I have to compromise myself physically, and so I find myself not as mindful in my purpose, but if I go slower, I can see a direction. And from this direction, I know I can mindfully attempt to harmonize internally.

Not to complain, as my list of injuries has only made me more determined and more grateful for my training. Isn’t it interesting how injuries can pile up without even being aware? I still have a bum ankle ( whatever), I broke my baby toe 3 weeks ago, and I did something strange to my left hip playing freeze tag 2 weeks ago. (I’m probably an idiot for playing tag in the first place...). Then there is the tendonitis from work in both wrists. I am thinking I should name my pains, since they are hanging around for so long.

I am also thinking that by focusing more on my internal training, I can maybe influence how I react to the extra stresses I have been feeling. I am not batman. I have come to terms with that, although he is really cool. I don’t have superpowers, but I do have control over how I react. What I decide I can live with, and what I decide I can change. I can decide how I treat others, as this affects how I am treated. Do I want to be a doormat? Do I want to create boundaries so I am not stepped on? I have to make a choice as to when to be a friend, and when to be a coworker to be treated with respect.

Kung Fu comes into play here. When I need to destress, I have to step aside, and focus on being mindful of my breathing. My tool is to simply go through a breathing form in my head. Say Lung, or 18 Temple Motions. Even Tai Chi. It doesn’t always work as preventative though, and I tend to use it more after the fact. But it is something I can do to focus more internally.

Something to think about too..(yes, my rant is almost done), that when we are harmonized, our flow is there. When our bodies move in harmony, we are connected. Our chi is manifested and our art is true.

To all Mothers...

I am...Batman!

Okay, maybe I am not Batman, but I think he’s my favourite superhero.

Yesterday we had our annual Tiger Challenge Tournament at the Tri Leisure Centre. As usual it was inspiring for me, and it was truly great to see our students compete in the different divisions.

I am really proud of all the kids (and adults) for all of their hard work. My challenge came while judging the Lil Leopards/ Tiny Tigers. They all tried so hard, and they were so darn cute, that it made it tough sometimes to pick a winner.

It was great to see the Lion Dance competition although I didn’t really see it since I was busy with the little kids. However, I heard it, and it seemed to mesmerize everyone around us - including the kids who we were trying to get to compete.

All in all, it was a great day - and I really appreciated how everyone pulled together. My only complaint? I broke my baby toe again - and I didn’t even compete! Stupid chair, stupid me. I am sure Batman wouldn’t have done that!

That’s all for now folks...Tune in next week for more exciting(?) adventures.

Short

This will be short, as the tendonitis in my right wrist is screaming at me, and I am typing clumsily with my left hand.

It's been great to see so many at open training lately, and the focus and drive to train. The tournament is a really great tool, and I am really excited to see everyone's hard work pay off.

Good luck to everyone, and I hope you all have a really great time. It is a rewarding experience, and I always find it inspiring.

Until Saturday...Cheers.

Turmoil

I find myself in a place where I am not sure where to go. I am feeling a lot of stress at work, as there are some major changes happening, and I don’t know if I should take a step forward.

Basically, my unit will be without a manager for who knows how long, and there is an offer for one of us to act in that position for several months. We are down to half staff in our office, so there are only a few of us that will probably apply. And when I say us, I don’t necessarily mean I.

I have acted in this position while my manager was on holidays on several occasions, and I have managed staff in my past, so that really isn’t an issue. I just question how well I can lead, as the people I would have to supervise have been coworkers for 5 years. Those dynamics could create a lot of stress, but I suppose it could also be rewarding.

There is also someone in my office who will probably apply, but I really doubt how well I can work for her. She is a really nice person, but I had a difficult time working with her in a team in the past. I question how well I could handle her as a boss. I feel like I am losing continuity there, and with the flexibility I have there now, I am afraid of losing it all. There is also a chance she could be really good at this too...but I am afraid to find out.

I was just rereading this, and I have a thought. In a way, my journey to black belt was similar. I was surrounded by fellow sihings for a while, and they were people who were my peers, until I challenged and passed my black belt grading. Suddenly, I was a leader, and different from my previous fellow sihings. So how did I handle that? I simply did what I did, and hopefully while finding my new path, I inspired those around me to do the same. I led quietly, and still do. Maybe I can apply this at work as well.

I am who I am. I recognize my weaknesses, and have to work a little harder to recognize my strengths. Sometimes it is much easier to focus on the weaknesses, and to forget about the strengths. My family believes in me, so I should too. If I choose, I can look at this as an opportunity to grow, not as losing my way.

Is this a copout?

Yes, maybe it's a copout, but it's a good one. I have many things to write, but I can't seem to get any down, so here is a Dr. Seuss quote that I like quite a lot. In fact, it's the best one I've got!

Anyway...

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You’re on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
~Dr. Seuss

Keester Melody

It has been a weird week. I haven’t been at Kung Fu except for yesterday’s Tai Chi and open training. Other than Christmas, and I guess previous spring breaks, I haven’t been away from Kung fu this long.

I have missed it though, but at the same time it was nice to be home with my girls. We have been at Kung fu every day for the past 4 years (since I moved to Spruce Grove), and taking these breaks seem strange. It is a little different when we go on holidays because we actually go away. I managed to get some things accomplished around the house however (some spring cleaning), and things that I tend to put off because I am just ready to relax by the time the kids are in bed. It has been a good week though - time with my kids, and time for me.

I can’t wait for Kung Fu again.

On another note, I am stepping out of my comfort zone tomorrow. I somehow had myself convinced that I wouldn’t have to meet anyone new, and that somehow by joining the CSA, my veggies would miraculously end up in my fridge. I am not a social person, and meeting people is not something I look forward to. So tomorrow, I am meeting the lady whose produce I am going to be buying this summer. Her farm is called Itty Bitty Acres, and for a smallish price, I will have fresh, pesticide and herbicide free produce delivered weekly. I don’t want to go tomorrow, but I know it’s good for me to go out of my comfort zone, and who knows, maybe I will find a new friend.