Turmoil

I find myself in a place where I am not sure where to go. I am feeling a lot of stress at work, as there are some major changes happening, and I don’t know if I should take a step forward.

Basically, my unit will be without a manager for who knows how long, and there is an offer for one of us to act in that position for several months. We are down to half staff in our office, so there are only a few of us that will probably apply. And when I say us, I don’t necessarily mean I.

I have acted in this position while my manager was on holidays on several occasions, and I have managed staff in my past, so that really isn’t an issue. I just question how well I can lead, as the people I would have to supervise have been coworkers for 5 years. Those dynamics could create a lot of stress, but I suppose it could also be rewarding.

There is also someone in my office who will probably apply, but I really doubt how well I can work for her. She is a really nice person, but I had a difficult time working with her in a team in the past. I question how well I could handle her as a boss. I feel like I am losing continuity there, and with the flexibility I have there now, I am afraid of losing it all. There is also a chance she could be really good at this too...but I am afraid to find out.

I was just rereading this, and I have a thought. In a way, my journey to black belt was similar. I was surrounded by fellow sihings for a while, and they were people who were my peers, until I challenged and passed my black belt grading. Suddenly, I was a leader, and different from my previous fellow sihings. So how did I handle that? I simply did what I did, and hopefully while finding my new path, I inspired those around me to do the same. I led quietly, and still do. Maybe I can apply this at work as well.

I am who I am. I recognize my weaknesses, and have to work a little harder to recognize my strengths. Sometimes it is much easier to focus on the weaknesses, and to forget about the strengths. My family believes in me, so I should too. If I choose, I can look at this as an opportunity to grow, not as losing my way.