Peace to you...

I am looking forward to my training over the holidays. While on one hand I have been feeling overwhelmed with everything, I am learning a new form. It is one I started to learn a couple of years ago, but dropped it when I focused on training for my blackbelt. I didn’t feel it was fair to put energy into something new when I wanted to perfect all the rest of my curriculum.

I started learning the form on Saturday, and I really like it. The stances are a bit different from what I am used to and I have muscles that I forgot about. Or maybe it's because my stances haven't been deep enough before. Who knows, but I like it. It has a lot of flow to it, and it just feels good. Hopefully I can make it look as good as it feels.

On another note, I have been thinking about the past year, and the trials, tribulations and successes that I have endured. I couldn’t have gotten to where I am today without the support of my family, friends, and Kung Fu family. We are lucky to have the community that we do, and the way we have come together is humbling.

I know that we can and will make a change in our world. But it starts within.

Peace to you and yours, always.

Charlie Brown

I love putting up and decorating my Christmas tree. In fact, if I could do it for a living all year round I would.

Believe it or not, I had a job for about 4 years, seasonal of course, putting up commercial trees. It was the best job I ever had. It was dirty, and I was always scratched up, but the satisfaction has yet to be beat. It was only for about 5 months a year, but it was great. We put up trees in WEM, Canada Place, Manulife Place, the International Airport, to name a few.

But I am now a tree snob. I have “my” tree, and my girls have their own tree to decorate as they please. I finally put up our trees this weekend. It was unfortunately a long process, but I am content now that it is done. I get so much out of placing each branch, and placing each light, and then the seeing the final product. Anyone who sees my tree would probably see it as impersonal and think it belonged in a store. But it makes me happy and I could spend some serious down time just staring at it.

It has been a challenge with my girls though. Maya wants to help me, and it is really difficult to let her. But I do anyway, and this year felt really good. She is like me in that she likes things precise, and because she knew it was important to me, she took care in putting the decorations on.

I also found a great way to go to work in the morning. I drive past Central Park in Spruce Grove, and because it is still dark, I get to see all the trees lit up. It is beautiful and makes me smile. The lights aren’t perfect, but the sheer magnificence of them all is amazing. For me anyway. I know it is a lot of electriicity, but well...

I know this post doesn’t have any relevance to Kung Fu, except for the fact that it was a break in my routine. I am struggling with my life’s balance, and for a while, I can stare at my tree (s), and relax.

Off Balance

Finding the right balance, in my opinion, is the biggest challenge in training. It’s one thing to just go to the minimum required classes, but it’s another thing to feel the passion and energy one gets from putting in a lot of time. I feel off balance right now. I am training an extra 3 nights a week on top of everything else and am losing my ground.

When I got my second degree brown belt, it didn’t occur to me to stop going to the Monday/ Wednesday classes. I simply added the Friday class and I get so much out of that. I have continued to learn by attending those extra classes, and I am sure I always will.

And in training for my black belt over the last while, I have had to let things go in order to maintain some balance in my life. I have let some housework go, and am not nearly as organized as I would like to be. It was a necessary thing, and I would do it again without hesitation. But I feel like I am drowning.

How much do I lean on others to reach my personal goals? What changes can I make so that nothing suffers? I have to remind myself that I can relax a bit in a few months. This is a temporary thing. But is it? I need Kung Fu. But I need to breathe too. And I can’t forget that I am a mother. I don’t want to miss anything.

So I have decided for now, to cut out one of my extra classes on Wednesdays. It was a hard decision, but I have to find the balance somehow.

I refuse to quit trying to find that balance.

Peace

Preparing for the grading this year, has taken considerable time and committment. I have had to prioritize my usual activities and it worked out okay. And with my family committments, I am now at Kung Fu 6 days a week. Definitely a home away from home.

I found peace this week in a place I had almost forgotten about. Saying that I feel like a terrible mom because it has always been in front of my face, and I just didn’t take the time to look.

We look at sleeping babies, and peaceful is always a thought that comes to mind. The other night, my oldest daughter called me in to their room because she couldn’t sleep. Her sister was zonked right out, but she was having some trouble. So I crawled into bed with them, and she cuddled right up. She fell asleep within moments. I ended up laying there for a while, holding her, and listening to both girls breathe.

It gave me unbelievable peace. I haven’t felt that in a long time and it brought me almost to tears. In the chaos of our everyday lives, I had forgotten the gift of my children. They don’t need me to cuddle much anymore, and we spend more time rough housing. They are almost 8 and 6 1/2 years old, and are fairly independent.

Kung Fu has given us a way to connect through physical play - sparring in the kitchen, or grappling on the floor. But taking time to just cuddle while they slept was an unmeasurable pleasure.

The unconditional love and trust is so humbling. Just lying there, made all my stresses disappear, and time almost stood still. I know why I am a mother, and why I was given my two girls. They center me, and make me strive to be a better person. I have watched them grow into the people they are, and I am so proud. And what’s great, is that they have told me they are proud of me too.

The world is a tumultuous place right now. And I found peace in my very own home. In my arms, as my girls slept.

We give and give, and sometimes forget to really see what our return is. The responsibility of children is great, but the rewards cannot be measured.

Mental Block

I missed posting on Sunday like I usually do, and I am finding it hard to do today. I have enjoyed journalling once a week, and fairly often do it more. I actually wrote one last week on teaching, and I am sure I saved it, but haven’t been able to find it. Oops.

I am not too sure where this is going to go, so bare with me please.

1) I have been working hard on a couple of goals - Kung Fu of course. I have learned through the process of breaking down a few basic kicks, that I have a couple of bad habits. And I also learned that through these bad habits, I have less power. So by removing speed from the equation, and focusing on executing the technique slowly and purposely, my technique has improved as well as my power. It is very cool.

2) I have also had some mental blocks lately, blocks that could probably stop a roundhouse kick to the head. Okay, maybe not. I have had to approach my life as if I am a machine in order to get through the day, and have found myself wishing I could just stay in bed. However, the Pandamonium was a good kick in the pants. It was a lot of fun, I got all sweaty, and felt good after. It was good.

3) I have a secure job, but am not really happy with it. I have been trying to incorporate some of my Kung Fu passion into my teaching at work, but it is a challenge to say the least. It is really difficult to teach people something when they don’t want to be there. Open up and say “Ahhhhh”.

4) On a side note, I have had the opportunity to see a lot of changes in the world in my lifetime. The first African American president of the USA for one. I think that is a change that will echo for a long time, and it’s a good change. A promising change.

5) I can’t leave this on 4. It isn’t a good number, so here is number 5. I am still struggling to become a more assertive person, and Kung Fu has helped me somewhat. I sitll have a long ways to go, and I will as long as I continue to cherish the gift of Kung Fu. Kung Fu has definitely helped my kids become more confident. Within 6 months, at the age of 3, Haley went from a child with her head buried in my chest to the loudest kid in class. I have had parents come to me, and worry about why their child won’t come on the mats the first class of two they are there. I tell them to be persisitent in coming, and eventually it will happen. Patience, and consistency.

Some random thoughts for today. I feel better about journalling for today, even though it’s all over the place. It needed to come out.

“Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.” Hahahaha.

Alley Cat or Cat Fu?

I pushed myself to my limit last Saturday. It would have been nice to have been 100% healthy, but that was not the case. When I got injured again 6 weeks before the grading, I had entertained the idea of putting it off and waiting until next year. However, there was no guarantee that I would have been in any better shape then, and where would my head have been?

So I am very happy with myself, for pushing hard and getting through the day. It was more intense than I expected, and yet so rewarding. I still have a ways to go mind you, and this journey is only just beginning. I found myself surrounded by a couple of fellow students, who, with their intensity, pushed me harder too.

I have always considered myself to be fairly tough and strong, but next to them I feel like a sissy girl. Oh well. It gives me the chance to push even harder and raise the bar on my training. If my mental intensity can go up, and my technique gets better, then perhaps my overall physical output will be that much more impressive.

Or maybe I need to adjust my mentality, and be a tiger! (i’m a rabbit so this could be a challenge). A tiger is graceful, yet oh so powerful. Hm. I may have to start with an alley cat mentality.

Cat Fu anyone?

Handprints Project

This is my new project for Silent River Kung Fu. It started out with an idea, that has branched out into it's final project.

I have already posted my project on Kwoon Talk, but thought I would also post it here too. I had been thinking that we should do something at the end of our fundraiser - Shaolin Panda-monium, to celebrate our accomplishment. I thought it would fun to make a handprint to to mark this very thing.

By putting each of our handprints on a piece of square fabric, we will be able to sew them into a quilt or two to use in a silent auction at the Chinese New Year banquet. I am really excited. I can sew, but the quilting is best left up to my mom. However, I am looking forward to giving this a try.

I have already started to receive squares of 100% cotton (woven) to use in the quilts. But we need more before November 5th. I am not particular about colour, or whether it's patterned or plain. I don't have a preference, as they will be mixed up anyway.

I think the handprint quilt(s) will be a great way to end the fundraiser (which is going to a blast!) and it can bring some good. The money raised from the silent auction will of course be donated to the Benevolent Foundation for distribution to different charities. A good cause all around.

I can't wait to get started!


(The picture is of my youngest daughter - who sewed this quilt this weekend with the help of her Oma. I was truly amazed!)

Only...

18 hours to go...

This little piggy...

My training has taken on new intensity lately, which can be a little scary what with the injuries I seem to be prone to. A recurrent rib injury from 2 1/2 years ago, rib and knee injuries from 5 weeks ago, and the latest - a broken baby toe this past Friday night in class.

So my little piggy is taped up to her buddy beside her, and hopefully will be mostly better by Saturday. Fingers crossed.

I had another snag on Saturday besides my little piggy. I was practicing my 5 techniques, and realized that two of them have become one. I simply changed the 5th one, so I am good again, but I am worried. How come, when I have been practicing it one way for a few months, that all of a sudden my body is doing something different? What the heck? At least it happened yesterday instead of during the grading. That would have been awkward to say the least.

I got through the pre-grading and learned a lot about myself. I don’t feel I performed at my best, as I was full of nerves and my legs couldn’t stop shaking. But I did good in my opinion, and can breath with that part over. It was a good warm up for this Saturday, although I can already feel the pressure and stress. Stress builds character right? Funny thing though - I was so wired after the pre-grading, that I couldn’t sleep. So Thursday night, I managed to find 3 hours of sleep. I am hoping that I just pass out this Saturday. I will more than likely be absolutely exhausted after, so that’s a good thing.

It feels good to have the support of my family, friends, and fellow students. I have fought cyclical depression for a long time, and I crashed hard yesterday. I have taken all the necessary steps to try to control it in preperation for Saturday, but it wasn’t enough. However, I wouldn’t have gotten this far without all the support I have received. It is easy for me to lose my way, and not believe in myself and my abilities when I am in this place. But it’s important to pick myself up, and keep pushing. If I hadn’t, and given up a long time ago, I wouldn’t have accomplished what I have so far in life.

I am thankful for my kids - who have always cheered me on. They have this unshakable belief in me which has pushed me beyond what I thought possible. I am thankful for my parents who have gone above and beyond to help me get this far. I am thankful for my best friend, who has always been proud of me. And I am thankful for my fellow students who continue to inspire me to push harder. So if next week doesn’t go as well as I plan, I am proud of how far I have come. I am a different person than I was when I started Kung Fu. It has been an amazing journey so far, and I am looking forward to all the rest to come.

And in a moment of self pity - my poor baby toe!

Girls rock!

I have to share this because it inspired me, and made me realize just how much farther I have to go in my training. But it was good, really good to watch.

I have always enjoyed watching the UFC, and am very um, engaged in watching it. I get tense, and fidget a lot! I read an article on Gina Carano online and was inspired to watch her MMA fight last weekend, October 4th. It was with Elite XC, which doesn’t do MMA justice. They had one guy who’s style of fighting was “Facesmashing Fu”. What??? I don’t know that I can give them much support when that is considered mixed martial art.

Anyway, it was an amazing fight. This girl is solid, and has some very precise kicks and punches. I want to aspire to that. Not fighting in a cage, but being able to spar with that kind of intensity and precision. A new goal for the near future. Something for me to keep in mind though, is that she is an inch taller than I am, and about 30 pounds heavier. I may not be able to pack a punch the way she can, but one day I will be able to stand up, and spar more confidently.


The video of her fight is on YouTube - I had some issues with uploading the video here. It was Gina Carano vs. Kelly Kobold. Check it out, it's awesome!


Only 3 days until the pre-grading.
And only 9 days until grading day.
Wahoo!

Doubt

When in doubt, find the courage to keep pushing.

I think I Can!

The grading is closing in...

The count is as follows:

25 Days until D Day.
18 Training Days until D Day.

And only 16 days (Including weekends) until the Pre-Grade.

This isn't much time, but hopefully my plan is successful. I have put considerable thought into this, and I believe I can do this. If I train lightly, so as not to re-injure myself as I am prone to do, I should be able to explode at the Pre-Grade, and once more explode at Grading Day. So until then, lots of stretching, weight training (light), sit ups, light techniques and slow forms. Visualizing, and focusing on the goal.

It's been said that it's the journey, not the destination. I keep this in front of me all the time. Mentally, I am ready. I do have my doubts, don't get me wrong, but I believe I can do this. I think I can!

Heal already!

During open training yesterday, I realized just how close the grading is. I have to admit, that I am intimidated, frustrated with the slower than expected healing process, and determined to work my butt off and do the best I possibly can.

I am trying to eat well, and sleep as much as I can. I am constantly thinking about Kung Fu, and keeping my mind in the game. For anyone who has experienced an injury, going to class in any capacity is what we need. Sitting on the bench can give you a whole new vantage point from which to learn. By listening to the Sifu's and watching how other people move, it can give you a lot of insight into your own training. By taking these points, committing them to paper/ memory, you can then apply them to yourself.

A lot can also be said for doing your forms in your mind. It can be a fantastic distraction, or a great stress relief. I find that by doing Long or 18 Temple Motions in my head, I can reduce some situational stress. It helps to slow my breathing, and brings me back to the moment. It might not work for everyone, but it works for me.

I have been trying to review the curriculum in my head and visualize each technique as much as I can. There are some that I need to just do to "get it", but it is helping me stay focused.

The countdown is as follows:

33 days (Including weekends)
25 Training days until Grading.

Wow. Breath in. Breath out.

Fall

Colours are changing.
The air is crisper.
More purpose to the wind,
No more lazy hot breezes, but
Cooler air, determined to bring change.

The sun glints off the leaves,
Caught in their cycle of life.
From a bud, to leaf, a constant reminder
of life and death.

Or the reminder to live each day,
To the fullest.
Hibernation is near,
But still a ways away.

Close your eyes,
Feel the breeze,
Experience the trees,
As they shed their leaves to sleep.

Smell the air. Breath it in.
Breath it out.
See the colours.
See the change.
Cherish the moment.

You are seven years old.
The piles of leaves
Are an adventure, a play
in which you rejoice in yourself.
Feel the crispness of the leaves
In your hands before you throw
Them in the air. Jump.

Feel the softness, the crunching.
Look up. See the geese.
Their fomations a signal to the world.
Hibernation is near.
But still a ways away.

The colours don’t last,
But always return.
Feel the change,
Be the change.
Embrace it.
Cherish it.

Frustrated

Frustrated.

That is how I am feeling right now, and I hope that by writing, and remembering, I will pull myself out of this.

The loss of Travis Panasiuk has been tough. It doesn’t feel fair, and if I could change it I would in a heartbeat. He inspired me, and his very presence challenged me to push myself harder. One of my favourite memories, is of the first time we sparred each other. We had been partners in Lion Dance for a while, (he was my tail at the Chinese New Year), so to do something different was pretty cool. I remember how his face lit up when we met up on the mats and realized that we got to fight. It was a good match, and his enthusiasm was contagious. Actually, my last memory is similar. My last sparring match last Wednesday night in the Orange/ Green class was with Travis. It is a great way for me to remember him.

I hope that all my memories of him, can get me through my next challenge. I have been on my journey to black belt for a while, and I feel prepared. However, two technique mishaps on Saturday has me scared and frustrated.

My partner landed on me instead of beside me, and now my ribs on my good side are in considerable pain. Upon landing, I felt it on the right, and it travelled all the way to my left, or bad side. I also managed to land a kick wrong and torqued my knee the wrong way. It still hurts. So as it stands, I can’t lift anything, no pushups or deep breaths, and today running hurts. I am probably just being a big baby and maybe tomorrow will be better.

I hope that by keeping the memories of Travis in front of me, I will be able to make myself rest this week, train my brain and keep mentally prepared for my grading. He has challenged me to be the best I can, and it has me more determined than ever to succeed.

Travis, you are with us on our journeys, and have made me thankful that you were a part of our family. I am proud of what you have accomplished, and when I get through this part of my journey, I will be thinking of you. You have inspired me and challenged me. Thank you, I will miss you tremendously.

September

Today is September 01. It has brought with it sunshine and some considerable anxiety. Not quite what I expected.

Tomorrow is the first day of school. Not a huge deal, or so I thought. Haley is going to grade 3, and I am really cool with that. Maya is going to grade 1. That will be a huge change for her, as now she is there all day, every day. Funny, how you hear of moms that get upset over the first day of Kindergarten, and their babies are growing up. Kindergarten didn’t bother me much at all. However, Maya in grade 1 is a hard one for me. She will be fine I am sure, but tomorrow morning, when I drop them off at school, and leave them in their new classrooms, I will feel a sense of loss.

Until then, I have some anxiety over it. Do I have everything? Is everything in their backpacks? I have to make their lunches again. Are they going to be ready on time? Heck, am I?

September 01 also brought the realization that I am indeed grading in oh about, 54 days. 39 training days left to be exact. I handed in my requirements on Friday, and it hit me today. I am intimidated, and that is a good thing, I think. It will keep me training hard, and focused.

Breathe in, Breathe out.

1000 Sit Ups

I completed the pushup challenge yesterday, but I did sit ups instead due to my recurrent rib injury. Boy am I sore today.

As of yesterday at 2:00 pm, I had completed 660 sit ups. I was at 1000 at 7:30 last night. It is really amazing what we can do when we put our minds to it. (And bodies). The satisfaction from completing them was unbelievable, and I feel really good. The pain? It's good pain. It reminds me of the accomplishment, and has me in awe of how far I can push. Thanks for the challenge Sifus!

"If you have the courage to respect your body - the temple that houses the person that you are - personal mastery will not be far away. Each time you get into the gym for a workout on a day you just don't feel like exercising, you grow a little stronger as a human being. Each time you go out for a run on a cold winter's day when under the covers feels like the best place to be, you actualize your humanity just a little more. Working on improving your physical condition is a great way to improve your character and enrich the quality of your life. Good health is true wealth. What's the point of being the richest person in the graveyard?" - Robin Sharma.

This quote describes for me how I feel, each time I go to Kung Fu when I don't feel like it. I always feel so much better after. As well, as pushing myself physically with the sit ups, I feel so much better for reaching the goal.

Pushup!

I had an epiphany the other day. I have spent the last 6 months focused on September 01. D Day for a bunch of assignments due in order to be considered for the Black Belt grading.

I have done each one with as much gusto as I could possibly muster, and now September 01 is literally around the corner. I was pondering my pushup assignment, which will be completed without any problems. But then it hit me. I can't stop my pushups as of September 01. Not only have they become a habit of my day (I do some first thing when I roll out of bed), but I would lose all the benefits from them if I just quit. So, I will continue my 150 per day, and will continue to grow stronger.

Grading is October 25. I keep this date in front of me at all times, but I have realized that I must continue my hard training until then and beyond. I definitely don't have a problem with that, and have enjoyed the focus from this journey.

I worked exclusively on Kempo this past Saturday during open training. I have put it into a training plan to practice it 5 times a day. In particular, the replacement of a particular kick. I have been doing it one way for the last few years, and now need to change it. I know that by September 15, which is my goal for this kick, it should be second nature. But anyway, it was a good day. The more I focused on a specific thing, the more little things to fix came out. It was truly inspiring.

So, the countdown is as follows.

7 days until September 01.
47 days until October 25.

Back on track...I think

By Friday night, I was feeling pretty overwhelmed with my training and had some serious doubts as to my ability to grade this year. I was afraid that because I do still have a lot to work on, that I couldn't possibly be ready on time. Especially when looking at the numbers.

I got home after class, put my kids to bed, and distracted myself by doing some artwork. Nothing special, but it took my mind off things. I have been thinking about how much Kung Fu is a part of my life. I have been training for 5 a half years, both my girls are in it, and I know I would be lost if I couldn't train anymore.

So Saturday morning arrives, and the Lil Leopard class is the start of my day. I teach it with Sifu Robertson, and having the opportunity to teach them is an opportunity of a lifetime. It was a very challenging class, as they were very distracted and didn't have a lot of focus. But they were so fun. And they inspired me again, as to why I am in Kung Fu.

I have always taken my training very seriously, but teaching them allows me to see it from a completely opposite angle. It needs to be fun for them, while teaching them some basics. The constant movement and fun did wonders for my soul and my perspective on my training has a new light. I needed to take that step back and find the joy again.

I am so thankful for those kids. They help make Kung Fu (for me) very rewarding.

15 training days until September 01.
55 training days until October 25.
I am almost there.

Time is closing in

59 days left to train until Grading. This is conducive to training 5 days a week. Master Brinker has said, that we should be ready to grade for September 01. So training 5 days a week, that leaves only 19 days left to train until then. Yikes! This tells me to refine my training plan, and to also keep a close eye on my ribs. Meaning to be careful, not careless.

The values we learn

On Thursday this week, I was reminded of the values that Kung Fu helps instill in our children. I had a trying time with Maya who had a pretty rough day. She had a huge meltdown at daycare, and then had another one when I picked her up from there to go to Kung Fu. (And this was the same day that during a conversation with my best firend, we were discussing how much better she seems to be at handling her emotions lately.)

I managed to keep her meltdown from getting out of control and she was pretty calm by the time we got to the Kwoon. She had something to eat, and was listening to her favourite songs. So when she tried to climb back into the car when I dropped her off, I had had enough. I started to cry, and didn’t quite know how to handle her. Ultimately, I managed to get her to stand on the sidewalk while I parked my car, and while waitiing her out, she gave up and went in for her class.

Still being lost, I called the studio and spoke with Sifu Freitag, who after asking if I was okay, proceeded to reassure me that they would watch Maya and take care of things.

I have a guilty nature for whatever reason, and so felt just horrible to be dropping Maya off in that state of mind. I was sure that she was going to give them a hard time too, and what kind of a mother was I for dumping my child off for someone else to deal with?

On the way home to make a really quick supper for both girls, I took a step back, and reminded myself of what Kung Fu teaches our kids. I want Maya (and Haley) to learn respect, focus, and discipline. So I wasn’t dumping my child off, I was leaving her in a class, where the instructors are very capable of handlng this sort of thing, and ultimately teach them the very things I want them to learn. So I wasn’t a bad parent, although I still felt like one. I was a parent taking care of things - herself and her children.

My girls have learned so much and have benefitted so much from Kung Fu, as have I. It turns out, that Maya had a great class, and they didn’t have any problems with her. What a relief.

67 days left to train until grading.

The Countdown

On Friday, Master Brinker asked us how many training days we had left until our Black Belt grading. Guess what, none of us could answer it off hand.

I haven't been keeping track other than the looming date of October 25th. However, I decided to figure it out and here are the results from tomorrow, Monday July 21, 2008.

Days until grading - 97
Days without weekends - 72.

So, training 5 days a week only leaves me 72 days until the grading. Wow. That isn't much time. Now look at the September 01 deadline for pushups etc.

Days until September 01 - 42

So as it stands, I have 6000 more pushups/ situps to complete. That I can do easily, as long as I keep up with my schedule.

So there I have it, in black and white my deadlines. Only 72 days left. Here I go.

In passing

When I decided to blog, I committed to writing once a week. I haven't had much in the way of problems doing this, but today I found myself at a loss. I couldn't stay focused for more than two minutes, however now that I have started, my thoughts are coming.

Sihing Prince wrote about the Dancing Guy, whom I have seen many, many times on Campsite road. I find him entertaining as a rule, and I always smile. However today, I found myself wondering about him and what kind of a person he is? The girls and I went for a bike ride to the grocery store, and had the chance to pass him on the sidewalk. What scared me, is that I have always seen him from the safety of my locked car. Now I had to pass him in person, with my girls in tow. He could be absolutely harmless, but how could I know?

This got me thinking about an incident this past week too. I feel I shouldn't have much to fear where I work, as I am surrounded by RCMP members. However, as I pulled into my parking lot, I noticed a woman wandering around. I watched her head towards the gas station, and once I had gotten out of my car, she was heading in my general direction. I was really thankful that a member got out of her cruiser at the same time, and this woman approached her for money/ help instead of me. It really got me worried about all the staff in my building that probably wouldn't know what to do in a wiggly situation like that.

I have taken Kung Fu for many years, and I feel relatively confident that I could protect myself. But the biggest battle is avoiding those situations all together. I hope that somehow, through my training, and by leading by example, that more people will be aware of the possible dangers out there, that we don't usually give a second thought to.

As it turned out, Dancing Guy passed us without saying a word. I don't like that I made a potential judgement against him, but I would rather be safe than sorry.

Peace

What is more peaceful than a played out puppy?

A Passionate Voice

I watched a documentary the other night, about how singing brought a nation together, and beat Communism. It was inspirational, and got me thinking about the passion our voices bring in Kung Fu.

Think about your sound focus. What is its purpose? To breath? To scare your opponent? To occupy your mind? How about using your sound focus, or counting loudly for your partner, to bring out their passion, their intensity, their strength?

I found this to be so true at the Boot Camp this weekend. When your body is tired and sore, and when you think you don’t have any energy left, it is amazing where the reserves come from when your partner is yelling your numbers at you.

It gave me the encouragement to keep pushing, to find the joy in the exertion. It let me know that I wasn’t alone out there, that someone was cheering me on.

There was a post on Kwoon Talk earlier this month about encouraging your teamates, and how simple that can be. Just by running beside someone, believing in them, can give the strength to keep going. It is so true. Here’s an example from this weekend.

During the fitness test, I was ready to give up my horse stance at the 3.5 minute mark. But then when Master Brinker yelled out the time, I thought, hey, I can do another 30 seconds. Then he yelled out the 4 minute mark, and again, I thought, hey, only 30 more. Then the next thing I knew, I hit the 5 minute mark. Without that loud verbal encouragement, I might have given up before I was really ready.

And then the kicks were right after that. I could barely stand, let alone throw a kick. But I tried, and with my partner yelling out my numbers, I was able to go beyond what I thought I was capable of, and my energy came oozing back.

Our sound focus not only helps ourselves, it helps to encourage those around us. Feel the energy in the room, when the whole class is yelling. The room almost vibrates. Then try a quiet class, where everyone is self conscious, and the energy is just not really there. I find it harder to get motivated that way.

So I encourage you all, to use your sound focus, and feed off the energy it produces. (Now if only we could bottle that and run our cars on it!)

Communication?

What is it? Is it the way we speak, the body language we use, the minute facial expressions that say a thousand words? Is communication simply what we say and how we say it? How does a simple conflict play into how we communicate?

I am aware that I have a long ways to go when it comes to communicating. I have a problem with expressing myself, especially when I am upset. The words are no longer there, and my thoughts are almost incoherent. I clam up, and pull into myself, and just want to run away. I am always afraid of hurting the other person’s feelings, even when mine have been crushed. I struggle with being sorry for someone else’s behaviour, and this causes me to be over run and taken advantage of.

Every now and then, I surprise myself and take control of a situation and come out ahead and with more respect than when I went in. However, these occasions have called for a cool down period before I can calmly and rationally approach the person I am in conflict with.

One instance of late stands out. I was in a bad mood to start, and had sent an email at work asking for some clarification from my supervisor. I had cc’d my coworker who I was trying to help, and she was also cc’d with the response. This coworker took something I said very literally and because of a communication error, her response to me was quite threatening. I am not going into details because really, they aren’t important. What is important is how I handled the situation. I got very angry, and defensive and was careful to avoid this person because I didn’t trust how I might handle it. A few people suggested I let it go, but I couldn’t. So with my supervisor’s ok, I took this person to task. I told her that what she said was offensive and that I felt threatened. I explained that I was simply trying to get some clarification and save her a ton of unnecessary work. I stayed calm,we came to a resolution, and in the end, she thanked me for being open and honest. She has no idea how hard this was.

I would like to be able to handle conflicts in this calm, open and honest manner all the time. I had a thing with my best friend recently. But because this person is so important to me, I had a hard time keeping my thoughts clear. All I know is that in the instant when things started going in a downward direction, all I wanted was to open my heart and let it speak for itself. I wanted to say the one thing that would make everything better. But it doesn’t work that way, and so I will continue to struggle to put my thoughts into words. And putting them on paper doesn’t count. I feel things more than I think about them. I tend to just accept what I feel, and not question why I feel that way.

If you were to ask me why I had so many issues with sparring, I am not sure if I could give you a straight answer. I could tell you, how the anxiety attacks would start when I took a hit that I should have been able to block. Or how the anxiety attacks progressed by beginning before I had a chance to spar. I could tell you how much I hate feeling that weak. Or how much better I should have done. I accepted that sparring scared me, and I didn’t ask myself why I felt that way.

I can tell you now, that I have very high standards for myself and am hard on myself when I don’t meet that standard. I can also tell you now, how I have begun to look at it differently, in that I can learn so much my mistakes. I am still hard on myself, but am learning to accept that I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. I learned just 2 weeks ago, that a person much bigger than me, can easily intimidate me, but that I can get inside their guard and kick them in the head. I can do this.

I need to ask myself why more. I need to think about why I do things the way I do, why I react the way I do, and what effect that has on the people I am close to. I need to take more ownership in how I communicate.

A few simple words.

Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.

- Chinese Proverb -

To Market, to market

I have to admit, that being a single mom, and busy, I am a sucker for convenience foods. I try to buy mostly fresh and unprocessed stuff, but it is hard at times. So my goal is to eat better, buy and eat locally, and therefore make a smaller impact on the world around us. More importantly, I am going to shop the Farmer’s Market for my produce.

I experienced some insane guilt earlier this week, and this has spurred me to make a bigger effort. I was shopping for groceries last weekend, and saw bagged snow peas. I love them, so I bought them for lunches. However, Monday, when I took a closer look at the bag, I realized that they were imported from China.

The very country that has been ravaged by an earthquake. The very country that 15 million people are homeless and probably have little access to food. But yet, here I am, eating the food that they need way more than I do.

I talked to my best friend about it, as I could’t eat them without this incredible guilt, but at the same time couldn’t just throw them away. My friend told me that as long as I was aware of it, and since they would have been imported here anyway, that I should eat them. The guilt was showing me that I was a good person, even though I didn’t feel like it.

I also read an article this week on a bacteria called C. Diff. It is found in humans, mostly in people who are hospitalized for a period of time, and it causes some serious flu symptioms. However, the kicker, is that it has also been found in beef and pork. They say that the bacteria hasn’t crossed over from animals to humans, but the very fact that it is present scares me.

And if that isn’t enough to turn a person off eating, then how about the tomatoes being recalled due to large cases of salmonella being reported. What is our world coming to?

We have an obvious food shortage, and the food that we have isn’t necessarily all that safe either. I feel that by shopping locally, I have a much better chance of buying healthier produce. In turn, I am also promoting my local community. I am definitely not too comfortable with meat at this time either, but perhaps if I shop at my local butcher, I am also better off. That I am not sure. But I just might forgoe the meat altogether, since I have never really liked it anyway.

And eggs. I would rather buy free range eggs than the regular ones. What is the risk of eating a contaminated egg if the chickens are smushed together, never seeing the light of day, and dying in the same condition? Gone are the days of more natural farming and production.

So if the peas I ate from China weren’t needed there, would I feel less guilty? Probably not. Think about the environmental aspect of shipping them here. The fuel burned by the ships, the trains, the trucks just to reach my local store. The carbon footprint is exponential.

I worry a bit about what I eat. Maybe I worry about it too much. But if no one ever worried, then we would be in a lot more trouble.

What to do...

Every morning during coffee break at work, we watch a national news channel. There has been an ongong story where they are interviewing Canadian athletes going to China for the Olympics.

What makes me upset is that they are so focused on the possible medals to be won, not the recent death and destruction caused from the May 12 earthquake. Tell me please what is wrong with us when we can completely disassociate ourselves from this tragedy?

I can completely understand the absolute devotion and training that would have to go into training for the Olympics and not being able to just shut that off. I mean, it’s a life’s dream to be able to participate in something so global, and a chance of a lifetime. (Training for a black belt could be considered the same such dream, but probably not to the same scope.)

But with that said, I personally would be so filled with guilt that I doubt I could perform at my best. Knowing that only kilometers away, approximately 100 000 people have died and more than a million are homeless and starving. How could I live with myself? How can Canada as a nation be so focused on the Olympics and not on trying to help rebuild the country? If we cannot help our fellow man in a time of need, then it’s no wonder our world is in the state it’s in. I personally feel that the athletes and any others should not only be assisting financially, but should be over there helping to rebuild the nation. Look at what the 100. and the Rural Studio accomplishes in Alabama. It is amazing and should become more global.

I could go into a miriad of other segways with this, the issues in Burma, the China/ Tibet issue and so on, but my point today is on the Olympics themselves. They open us up to wordly issues, and to a degree brings the world together on an equal playing field. But in my opinion, for right now, the Olympics should not be a focus for anyone. Families have been torn apart. lives lost, houses and businesses completely destroyed. Is there clean water? Food?

I doubt I will feel comfortable watching them, when I know as a Canadian we will not be represented as the country we are. It astounds me, how selfish we have become. As Master Brinker posted today, I am also very fortunate to have the life I have. And we cannot foget the world around us.

I am...Super Mom!

If I was a superhero...

I would have some pretty amazing powers. This thought started a couple of weeks ago when my oldest daughter said I was “Super Mom”. I was wearing the only cape I own - it’s knitted and warm, and hardly has superhero qualities. My best friend also gave me a book on building a robot army and so I was morivated to reread another book I have, called “The Action Heroine’s Handbook”.

Now if I was a superhero, my cape would have to be able to repel bullets, repair itself, and give me the ability to become invisible. And of course it would have to be black, like Batman.

I think that I would also need some serious butt kicking boots. And probably a mask too. Now, I technically have some ninja like skills already - they do need lots of work stilll, and they will only get better. As a mom, I also already have eyes on the back of my head, and a sixth sense for when my girls are getting into trouble. I have an amazing ability to juggle many tasks at once, which is a must for a Super Mom. I have a zippy car which can also hold a lot of stuff. Plus, being white, my car has an uncanny ability to camoflauge in the winter.

In addition to the skills I already have, I think I need to work on my grappling skills, rappling skills, flying skills and wall climbing. I think I would need to be able to run very fast when needed, and have the strength to lift a heavy vehicle. (I’m thinking rescue here). I would like to have the ability to project a hologram of myself, so that I can actually be in two places at once. Beneficial when it comes to kids ( and bad guys). I would want to be able to drive any vehicle whether it’s a motorcycle or a monster truck, to operating a raft in white water rapids or flying a helicopter.

I think an arsenal of toys would be essential too. Think Batman or James Bond. Toys, lots of toys.

I could be a superhero, but I think in today’s world I would be way too busy. I would need more trusty sidekicks than I could count. So I guess I will stick with the SuperMom status my kids have labelled me with, and the powers that go with it. Not to mention a future of Kung Fu so I will be ready to intimidate those boys that will eventually want to date my girls. I think their training in Kung Fu will help them there too, and will give them some advance for if and when they become SuperMoms.

Until next time....KAPOW!
(Yes, I might be a little geeky, and I am okay with that).

My Grateful List

A while ago, I watched a video on Youtube, which was an interview of sorts on Oprah. It was a man diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer, who was given 3 to 6 months before his health would take a major turn for the worse. I am now reading the book. “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch.

It has me looking at my life, what I have done so far, and wondering where I am going. I have also been inspired to start a “Grateful” list. A list of things that I know I take for granted, and should make notes of often that they are something to cherish.

This will be a work in progress, as I know I can’t think of everything in one go. And this is in no particular order. I am grateful for...


1. My parents. (They gave me life, and supported me even when they disagreed).
2. My girls.
3. My career.
4. My Kung Fu.
5. My failed marriage (This one because without it, I probably wouldn’t have numbers 2, 3, and 4.)
6. The phenomenal instructors at Kung Fu. ( They have offered so much support and inspiration over the years).
7. My health.
8. I live in a place that is relatively free from natural disasters so far.
9. Freedom of speech
10. Being able to follow my own religious beliefs without fear of prosecution
11. The opportunity to pursue education
12. The opportunities every day to make a difference somehow.
13. Meeting my best friend and soul mate.
14. The serentiy at my parents acreage. I can listen to the frogs, the grouse, the birds all day long. Not to mention the wind in the trees.
15. The ability to enjoy the simple things, like blowing bubbles or flying a kite.

This list is going to grow and I plan on adding to it constantly. This list is now something that I can look back on and gather strength from. It is also humbling to realize just how good I have it here.

I hope to live for a long time yet, and I hope to make the most out of every moment because we do not know when it is our turn to go.

A Challenge to Remember

So, I came out of the Tiger Challenge with something I didn’t expect. I expected to learn a lot as I did last year, and I expected to be full of inspiration towards my goals and training. However, I didn’t expect to be humbled the way I was, and almost frozen from fhe prospects of the journey to come.

I realized that while I have learned a lot so far, I have so much farther to go. I thought that I was getting better, and perhaps I am, but I can still improve a lot more.

I have to admit, that the whole experience really affected me, as I just didn’t feel good enough, and that maybe I should seriously re-think grading for black belt this year. I mean, I have so much more to learn, how can I possibly fit a black belt in all of that?

And that brings to question, what is a black belt? It’s the goal I have aspired to for a long time, but it is really scary in that what happens when I achieve that? Obviously more learning, as it never stops, but how do I fit it all in? I have to keep taking that step back, to remind myself that nothing happens overnight, and if it did, who would possibly appreciate it? If I could earn a black belt overnight, then what would be the point? Is it a symbol of the learning and progress that I have made so far? Does it represent the trials and tribulations that got me there?

Master Brinker mentioned the other day the cycles that we go through mentally. I feel at the bottom of that right now. It feels very daunting, to imagine myself passing the grading. Am I at my physical and mental best? I should be in the best shape of my life, but am instead questioning the reasons I go to class.

I worked hard on Kempo, and feel that this performance was my best yet. I felt pretty good about it, and even better that I pushed myself to compete. I haven’t competed in anything since I was a teen because I don’t handle the pressure very well. It happened to be a fellow student that inspired me to compete, and because of her example, I took a step forward.

So what am I trying to say here? I am saying that I stepped out of my comfort zone and did something that scared me. I also came out of the tournament a whole lot more humble than when I went in. I was once again reminded of the journey I am on, and while I question myself constantly, maybe it is a good thing. I hope that questioning my abilities as a martial artist will help to keep me from becoming arrogant, and will keep me on the true path of my journey.

As of today, I am still moving foward, but much more mindfully.

Oh, and Happy Mother’s Day!

Goal Setting 101

In order to grade for black belt, there are a number of assignments that we must first complete. All of them seem somewhat daunting, but there is a purpose. And it’s funny how I end up being reminded of that purpose everytime I have a new assignment due.

Take for instance the 26 000 pushups to be completed in a 6 month period. Once you break it down into a manageable 150 per day, and then perhaps break it down into 3 or more sessions, then it isn’t really that impossible to do. Not to mention the strength you build.

We had a memorization assignment. This one worried me a bit, because when it comes to testing or having to present something orally, I tend to freeze and forget all I know. After a week or so, I figured out how to approach this one. But I had to first remind myself as to why I was doing this. We aren’t given these things so that we have something to do, but it a valuable tool that we are being taught to use. How to set a goal, break it down into more manageable parts so that the whole is so much easier and simpler to accomplish.

I think a lot of the time, we as people tend to fix our sights on a goal, and then leave that goal because it seems to big to accomplish. If you just have a goal, and no apparent plan, you will never get there.

You need to break it down. You can’t say I am going to college and it will happen. There are many steps you need to take to get there. Same thing applies to achieving a black belt. Now I am obviously not there yet, but I have been given the assignments to teach me how to actually attain it.

And I think the same would apply to training for the Tiger Challenge next Saturday. I couldn’t possibly just say, yes I am going to compete and then not train. First is the decision in which competitions to enter. Then what to perfom in each of those categories. And then to practice what I have chosen. And with practicing there also needs to be a plan. If I was to enter 6 things, I doubt I would accomplish much by trying to practice all 6 things in one go. Again, one would need to break it down and work on one or two things at a time.

Yes, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out (and I am certainly not a rocket scientist), but I do tend to focus on the big picture and struggle with trying to come up with a plan to get there. I have learned so much at Kung Fu about this, and it is something that I can apply to any goal in my life.

So with that being said, every assignment is a tool. And I have learned not to let them intimidate me, because I can do it. I can achieve anything if I break it down into manageable parts.

Poem by Sri Chinmoy

I have been thinking about forgiveness and trust this week, and found this poem. It touched me, so I thought I would share it. In my experiences, forgiveness and trust go hand in hand. We have to forgive ourselves in order to forgive others, and we need to trust ourselves so that we may trust others. I am not sure if this makes sense, but whatever. We learn trust in Kung Fu, in ourselves and our classmates. And I have found that the seed of forgiveness is planted, whether we are aware of it or not. In my opinion, it takes courage, strength and trust to forgive. We learn these things at Kung Fu, and they can carry us far. If you cannot forgive, you cannot trust. Here's the poem...


If I cannot forgive myself
For all the blunders
That I have made
Over the years,
Then how can I proceed?
How can I ever
Dream perfection-dreams?
Move, I must, forward.
Fly, I must, upward.
Dive, I must, inward,
To be once more
What I truly am
And shall forever remain.

- Sri Chinmoy

Not today and maybe not tomorrow

We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”
- Epictetus quote-

What is beautiful?

In today’s society, we are constantly bombarded with images of beauty. Or what the media and mass producers want us to believe is beautiful or desirable. How do we, as parents and role models encourage our children and those around us to see past that and accept who we really are?

What makes us beautiful is not what we look like on the outside. It what is inside our hearts that make us that way. Our beauty is in how we treat those around us, the respect we have for ourselves and a willingness to accept our genetic makeup and make the best of it.

As a parent and role model, I find this a very difficult thing. I have days where I don’t feel good enough, but yet put on a facade because I don’t wish for my girls to doubt who they are.

I really like where Dove is going with this. Their website www.campaignforrealbeauty.ca is going in a direction that I support. They use real women for their models, and encourage us to accept who we are.

With eating disorders on the rise, in girls and boys, we as role models need to do something. We need to encourage our kids that they need to eat healthy and make good choices when it comes to diet and sleep. The media has such an influence on them that it really scares me sometimes.

This is yet another reason in my opinion that Kung Fu is really good for kids and adults alike. We do not have the pressure to be thin in order to perform well, as all Kung Fu requires is to be fit. And a person does not have to be thin to be fit. And just because someone is thin, does not mean they are fit. Kung Fu encourages us to be the best we can be, without specific measures that are unattainable, but to simply be healthy. Eating right, sleeping enough, exercising, and being aware of our world around us.

I personally would love to see more companies move in the direction that Dove has. We can make a difference in our homes, and our communities, and by leading by example we can overtake the negative images the media puts out there.

Coping Kung Fu style

This has been a really hard week for me. My kids survived amazingly well with the transition to the new daycare facilities and seem to be enjoying it. Day one was a little rough for Maya as she had a few boys chase her and she didn’t like it. And she had a meltdown due to not eating a snack on Wednesday when I picked her up. So it goes with one who is sensitive to her blood sugar levels. Whatever. I, on the other hand did not fare so well, and am still fighting with this decision.

I am not going to go into details about what I issues I am having with this daycare as it isn’t all that important to this ramble. What I do need to say is this.

I don’t know how I would have gotten through this without my Kung Fu. Please note the “my”. My Kung Fu belongs to me. It is my journey and mine alone. I have my Kung Fu family to help keep me motivated and to pick me up when I fall, but when I am there, it is about me and what I get out of it.

With the stress that has been building over the last 3 weeks, I truly needed to focus on my body which in turn takes care of my soul. Or maybe it’s the other way around. I don’t know. My point is that my Kung Fu is my coping mechanism. It is where I go to escape, where I can pound on a bag or a shield, sweat like a pig, and physically beat the stress out of me. Or give my soul a hug with a form like Long or 18 Temple Motions.


Sifu Freitag had the Blue/ Brown class spar on Wednesday night. Now I have had sparring issues for a long time, and I debated in the change room whether or not I was mentally up to sparring. I decided that I needed to and so became the butt kicking pink power ranger I am. Sifu had us spar with ribbons (a tactic Sifu Masterson came up with) and I ended up having fun. What is up with that? I think it was having to keep my back away from my opponent so they couldn’t take my ribbon and make me do pushups, that helped me focus. And then I got to spar with Mr. Robinson. Normally he really intimidates me,(and inspires me) as he seems to go fairly hard, and is quite intense. And while seemingly competitive, he has fun. So while he is the only person I had to do pushups for, I had fun sparring.

Then Friday comes, and we worked on techniques with focus shields. I got to put my whole self into it, when normally I have to really push to keep my intensity up. Technique needs some work still, but whatever, I have another goal. So both classes, I was able to literally beat the stress out of my system. I also had the chance to push myself in Lion Dancing on Friday. It is where I can allow some creativity to come out to play while working my body hard. My stress is still there, don’t get me wrong, but doing Kung Fu allowed me to take the cleansing breath that I needed.

I get to go to a safe place, where years of training has built up trust, and knowing that I have this gave me a chance to cope with the changes and the stress. I take comfort from my body doing what it should do - forms and techniques and that doing Kung Fu makes me feel good. It is good for my soul, and allows me to cope.

This is it.

I have written my letter to Mother Earth and posted it on my project blog - you can see it from my links. Last night was Earth Hour, and from what I have read, it was a relative success. The following statistic was in an article on CBC.
"The Thai branch of the WWF said the campaign in Bangkok reduced the load on the electrical system by 73.34 megawatts and cut carbon dioxide emissions by 41.6 tons."

Can you imagine that? 41 tons of carbon dioxide in one hour. It amazes me. We live in a world today that is all about excess. We can never seem to have enough. We are never satisfied, and so continue to destroy everything around us.

My daughter drew a picture/ map the other day on what she wanted for her farm when she grew up. I felt so sad because I don't know that the land will be there for her, let alone be sustainable for a couple of little crops and all her future lizards.

While I am doing what I can, and there is still so much more that I can do for our planet, it isn't enough. So I am trying to raise more awareness. On one hand, I would like to hide in my bubble and pretend that everything is okay, I just can't anymore. The state of our world today, with it's wars and it's destruction, just makes me sad. Some would say it's just a cycle, that global warming isn't really happening, as it happened a long time ago too. But my point is, I want the very best for my kids.

This isn't where I was going to go with this today. Actually I had no idea what was going to come out of blogging, and just figured that I would see where this proverbial pen took me.

I argued with my dad last night over this Earth Hour thing. I don't debate well in person and am not sure I made a difference in what I said to him. However, I hope I gave him food for thought. And that is my whole approach with my project. I just want all of us to at least think about what we do and how we do it. So much is taken for granted.

One of the things I used to love as a kid, was to run around in the grass without shoes, catching bugs and just being a kid. My kids don't really have that anymore. Who knows what garbage or glass is hidden, or what diseases the insects are carrying. I am not comfortable leaving them outside without direct supervision because of all the dangers that lurk. Now maybe these were all there all those years ago, and perhaps we just have so much more awareness of all the evils out there. But I used to go outside after breakfast and come back when I was hungry. I would be gone all day!

It is a very different world today, and I can't say if it is that we just have more awareness now. But I want more for my kids, and their kids. Every small gesture can have a huge impact, I truly believe that.

Whew.

Courage to Change

I have been thinking about change, and how important it is to maintain a routine and structure. Not to mention the courage it takes to face the change and all of the unknowns that come with it.

We are going through a change as a family. Not a big one to most people, but change in our house is not one to go without stress. My girls are going to a new daycare/ out of school care starting April 1st. It will simplify things for me, and clear up a couple of other major issues that have risen.

However, my girls don’t handle change well. And to a point, neither do I. They get pretty stressed, but being so young, do not have the same abilities to deal with it. Both have had amazing meltdowns/ breakdowns over the last week. And I am not sleeping well, knowing what is coming. Don’t get me wrong, I am not looking for sympathy. I just want to provide some background.

The only thing changing is the daycares. They will go on the same bus, go to the same school, and go to Kung Fu twice a week. The only change that they have to deal with, is new kids before and after school.

I truly believe that kids need routine and structure. As an adult, I still need that. There is comfort in continuity. I have always seen Kung Fu as a place that is safe from bullying and from criticism. It is an amazing place for any child to grow, and to develop the self confidence they need to succeed. There is no winning or losing there, as you only compete against yourself. You gain when you push yourself, and you stay in one place if you don’t.

I realized this week, that my girls, and all students for that matter get a great sense of routine and structure which is vital to transitioning through change. The same instructors teach the classes, so the kids aren’t faced with someone they don’t really know or trust yet. The classes are at the same time, on the same days. And most of the kids are there all the time as classmates. They have that continuity and the structure of the classes to give them focus. The kids can leave all their worries at the door, and just be safe and secure. The classes provide structure and set rules as to what to expect. There is always a beginning (warm up), and middle ( the class), and an end (bowing out). Routine and structure give kids/ students something to depend on. It provides a sense of calm and control, and can relieve stress and anxiety.

Now I say this, and am also aware that my youngest had the most amazing meltdown after her class this past Thursday. I know it will happen, and no matter the routine it will continue to happen. However, I can only imagine how much worse it could be if we didn’t have the routine and structure in place.

And lastly, I know I am babbling, I am thankful for the understanding from all the instructors at Silent River Kung Fu. We want our kids to be on their best behavior all the time, and it can be hard to accept the fact that they have to deal with their stress somehow. I hope I am not judged on my parenting, and that my girls will continue to get stronger mentally. The big change happens in a little over a week. Wish us luck!

Project Earth Day - The Lorax

I found myself in Chapters the other night, and came across a Dr. Seuss book I have not had the pleasure of reading. It’s called “The Lorax”. It was written about 40 years ago, and addresses the state of our environment and what happens when we disregard it in search of fulfilling our greed. It was an amazing read. I noticed that it was printed on recycled paper, and is actually being used as a tool for Earth Day, which is April 22nd.

After reading it to my girls, I found myself very inspired. They asked questions about it, such as, why would he cut down the whole forest? Where will the animals go? What will they eat?

We live in a world, where our resources are disappearing. And we end up with leaders that tell us they have a plan, but won’t be ready to tackle it until 2050. That is way too late. So while I realize I cannot change the state of the world’s environment, which sustains us, I can make a start.

I am starting a project, which I would like to complete by April 22nd, Earth Day. Here is what I propose.

1) I want to encourage reading this book. It is full of great rhyming, and has an amazing message. Buy it, borrow it, read it at the library. I highly recommend it.
2) I would like each student in Silent River Kung Fu, and any friends they have, to write a letter to Mother Earth, saying what they can do to help save her. Pictures are great too.
3) I want to publish them on a blog, for the world to see our message. In doing so, I think we can raise a lot of awareness towards our environment, and together we can make a difference.
4) I will have some pre-printed standard letters available at the front counter, but will accept any medium for this project. I encourage the use of recycling paper for it - used wrapping paper, or the back of “garbage” printouts. Whatever you wish, but let’s try to be environmentally friendly.
5) I am also hoping to gather some tips, and put them into a guide book of sorts. Again online, so that we can access ideas to put into use.
6) When you have your letters finished, leave them at Silent River Kung Fu, and I will collect them.

That's it for today. I look forward to reading the letters!!!

My Crazy Perspective

So here I am, with about a gazillion thoughts screaming through my head. I am presently worried about a number of things, all of which I have to tackle one step at a time. I tend to worry about the outcomes way before all of the facts are presented, and I always seem to undermine myself and my abilities to cope. I worry about how others see me, and what thoughts go through their heads when I am dealing with a crisis. Whether I am dealing with my kids, or with an issue at work, the worry is always there.

I have a new one. I guess I do have to keep it in perspective but it hit me on Friday. For the past few years, the goal of black belt has seemed quite far off. In a way it still does. I have so much left to learn, and I am filled with doubt as to how I am possibly going to pass. I realized Friday after class, just how close my goal is. I also realized that I will NOT go back, that I have worked hard to get where I am. I have a way of forgetting just how far I have come.

We did sparring drills in class. I have always had issues with sparring and it stems from my very first sparring class as an orange belt. Anyway, I haven't done much sparring over the last couple years, mostly due to a rib injury incurred while sparring. Thankfully this did not have an effect on my training mentally. I don't think. I felt an anxiety attack coming when we were told to gear up. However, SIfu Freitag came in, told me it was just drills, but to wear my chest gear anyway. Ha Ha. For those who haven't had the pleasure of seeing this, I look like a pink power ranger with it all on.

My point is, I got through it. I managed to calm my mind, and kept my focus on the task at hand. I didn't allow the "I can't do this" attitude to come through, and instead told myself, that "I can". And I did. I am not naive enough to think that this is it, that I have gotten through my issues. But I did realize that I have a long ways to go in a short amount of time. And if I keep my journey in front of me, I know this is something I can accomplish. Six months to grading isn't that far away.

I have my pushup assignment to help keep me focused on progress, and it should help me get stronger. Granted, I can only do girly pushups (due to my rib injury) and not many at one time. If I can keep my perspective on my goal from getting too crazy, and if I can keep my focus on the task at hand, attaining my goal is more than just possible. I can do it, and I will.

(On a side note, I received a compliment from a fellow classmate on Friday and it went a long way. It's amazing how a few simple words can make such a huge difference.)

(On yet another side note, I really appreciate the patience and support from the instructors with overcoming my injury - both mental and physical. This is truly an amazing place to train.)