Frustrated

Frustrated.

That is how I am feeling right now, and I hope that by writing, and remembering, I will pull myself out of this.

The loss of Travis Panasiuk has been tough. It doesn’t feel fair, and if I could change it I would in a heartbeat. He inspired me, and his very presence challenged me to push myself harder. One of my favourite memories, is of the first time we sparred each other. We had been partners in Lion Dance for a while, (he was my tail at the Chinese New Year), so to do something different was pretty cool. I remember how his face lit up when we met up on the mats and realized that we got to fight. It was a good match, and his enthusiasm was contagious. Actually, my last memory is similar. My last sparring match last Wednesday night in the Orange/ Green class was with Travis. It is a great way for me to remember him.

I hope that all my memories of him, can get me through my next challenge. I have been on my journey to black belt for a while, and I feel prepared. However, two technique mishaps on Saturday has me scared and frustrated.

My partner landed on me instead of beside me, and now my ribs on my good side are in considerable pain. Upon landing, I felt it on the right, and it travelled all the way to my left, or bad side. I also managed to land a kick wrong and torqued my knee the wrong way. It still hurts. So as it stands, I can’t lift anything, no pushups or deep breaths, and today running hurts. I am probably just being a big baby and maybe tomorrow will be better.

I hope that by keeping the memories of Travis in front of me, I will be able to make myself rest this week, train my brain and keep mentally prepared for my grading. He has challenged me to be the best I can, and it has me more determined than ever to succeed.

Travis, you are with us on our journeys, and have made me thankful that you were a part of our family. I am proud of what you have accomplished, and when I get through this part of my journey, I will be thinking of you. You have inspired me and challenged me. Thank you, I will miss you tremendously.