My Other LIfe

If I had never discovered Kung Fu, my life would have been so different. I have a lifestyle now that I am proud of, and that makes me feel good to share with my children.

My life may have been like this. Evenings of watching tv, and lounging around. Days gone by without any personal goals accomplished, but still dreamed of. My kids wanting all the latest gadgets, and meeting up with friends to play with said gadgets. We would probably make less healthy food choices. I don’t imagine my girls and I would eat fresh spinach (I hated spinach as a kid) and vegetables, or eat foods with whole grains, or fish that wasn’t deep fried.

We might not have the same sense of our environment, and the impact we have on it. Would my girls be less interested in the world around them and would I? I imagine that we would not care so much about our consumption, or how we could help build tomorrow.

I believe our lives would be mediocre, and we would have been unaware of it. That scares me. The thought that I (we) would have had lives where we had just gone through the motions, and not pushed ourselves to be more. How rich would our lives have been?

I have Kung Fu to thank for the life we have. My oldest daughter might still be the extremely shy girl she was, and my youngest daughter might be more of a follower, and not a leader.

How would my parenting be different? Would I have expected less from my kids, and therefore not helped them realize their potential?

I am so thankful that I chose the path I did, and I have no regrets. I feel that we are way more than we could have been, and we still have way more to grow.

A little bit of rain...

I have been struggling all day with what to write. It is important for me to push through anyway, and even if I babble, well, I tried.

I have mentioned in the past how much I dislike conflict, and that I tend to try to avoid it whenever I can. Avoiding it comes with consequences though, and I am trying to face my conflicts as much as I can. I think I have grown a little, and will continue to grow as a person the longer I stand up for myself, my children, and what is right.

I have recently been thrown into a conflict again, which seems to recur a couple of times a year. I am confident that by keeping the real issues in front of me, that it will be solvable. My passion will also help me there, as well as expressing myself as clearly as possible. Empathy is important, as is self respect, focus and discipline. (Discipline being staying on top of it, so that it cannot get out of hand.)

Staying engaged

Lately I have been thinking about what keeps me going in Kung Fu. I have achieved my goal of black belt, and I am aware that some people seem to lose their way after black belt.

One of the sacrifices I made in order to achieve this goal, was to attend the evening adult classes which was hugely beneficial. However, I have now taken that back to spend those nights with my kids, and it is hard to give that up again. Have I fallen off the wagon? I don’t think so.

I have taken in 2 more classes since February, the I Ho Chuan and Tai Chi. It is great to have the focus once more to learn some new things.

But an impact that I didn’t truly realize, is that teaching the kids has really kept me engaged in my training. I get really excited when I see them improve, and their enthusiasm is contagious. I get a challenge from finding new ways to teach that makes learning fun. The rewards and inspiration truly keep me going. I am rewarded with every smile I receive, with every stripe I am honored to give, with every improvement I see. I am inspired when I see the kids “get it”, when they are cheering each other on, and are working as one family.

I question how much I might have let go, since I have been injured since January. I haven’t been able to train very hard for over 6 months now, and at times it is really difficult to stay positive. I definitely see the gift of teaching Kung Fu, and I feel fortunate for that opportunity. It would have been easier to fall off the wagon if I didn’t have that incentive to keep pushing. I think it also helps that I make myself keep going to classes and doing what I can, instead of sitting at home waiting to get better.

I have to admit, that going to the Lion Dance practices has been difficult at times, as I really miss being physically involved in the classes. But again, I am learning a lot from watching the others.

I have been learning patience over the past six months, but not nearly enough not to get stupid and push too hard sometimes. Par for the course right?

I am engaged in my training. By giving to others, I am giving to myself.

Running on reserve

Sleep. A precious gift, and yet it can be something to seek with frustration when it won’t come.

I have an uncanny ability to sleep. I can almost always nap when I need to if the opportunity is there, and for the most part, I don’t have many troubles falling asleep. It also seems, that the more stressed I am, the more my body craves it.

My youngest daughter also has no troubles sleeping. Sleep comes easily and quickly, and she sleeps when she feels tired and does not need coaxing. In fact, she has always needed it. I remember being worried about how she would do in Kindergarten because she was still having afternoon rests. She adapted though, and still does well.

My oldest however, is a completely different story. From the time she was a baby, I struggled to get her to sleep. Her mind is extremely active, and her worries come alive at night. She sleep walks when she is under stress, although not so much now that she is older. The problem now is the night’s that she refuses to settle down. I don’t know if it’s a conscious thing to fight sleep, or if she is so focused on sleeping that she can’t.

A lack of sleep has a profound effect on our attitudes and our ability to cope with everyday situations. It’s hard to focus on the task at hand, difficult to concentrate, and over time, your body’s ability to fight sickness is very compromised. And how hard is it to stay positive in the sleep deprived state? Everything becomes more challenging, and frustration always seems to be just below the surface.

How much more difficult is it tackle a new technique in Kung Fu when you are tired? Or to stay calm enough to break it down? How much harder is it to deal with anxiety when your brain is at it’s maximum because of a sleep deficit?

My daughter struggles with this constantly, and I do my best to help her. I am hoping that along with our regular sleep routine, and maybe some relaxation techniques, I can help her get more and better quality sleep. It will help her in school, Kung Fu, and in every aspect of her life.

I also have to stay cognizant of my sleep deprivation, because when I am deprived, I am not able to stay patient for long to help her. And all the caffeine in the world won’t help. I need to take care of me, so that I can give my girls the best care possible.

They say that kids age 7 to 12 or so, need about 10 to 11 hours of sleep a day. Teens need between 8 to 10 hours a day, as do adults.

The Color Blue

I am blue. With some gold, a touch of orange and a touch of green. A couple weeks ago, I took a Myers Briggs test as a team building workshop at work. It was fun, and interesting. We have a variety of “colors” in our office as well as being diverse generationally.

So being blue, I am extremely introverted, and get my energy from within. I seek solitude to decompress. and try to be a peace maker.

It was interesting to compare to the last time I took this test in 2004, and the results were different. Back then, I was gold, with some blue, and a touch of orange and green. The biggest difference is that now I am more introverted.

This makes sense to me, especially with my training. I enjoy all the aspects of it, but I get the most enjoyment out of doing my forms. It’s just me. That doesn’t make me selfish, nor does it mean I don’t enjoy working with a partner or group. I just get the most out of the alone time. This also explains why I enjoy being at the school a little early on Saturday mornings, so that I can practice a little by myself.

On the other hand, you take an event like the boot camp yesterday. There is a lot of energy, and camaraderie that flows throughout the day, that brings a lot of positive feelings. I didn’t participate fully, but being in that group of great people, made me cherish every moment. When our community comes together like that, it reminds me of the difference we make all the time.

Now while I did feed off the energy of the students yesterday, I was glad to be back in my car, to regroup from the day. I needed that.

This brings me to being in the moment. Something I noticed yesterday, was that when I am teaching the kids, I don’t have much problem staying in the moment. Maybe that’s because they are so busy, I don’t have time to leave the moment. I also feel very energized after the end of the class, but also exhausted. It’s kind of weird. Anyway, they make me happy, and that’s all that matters.

Now my blueness and I need to go relax some more...

Challenge for the Soul

I completed Sifu McKinkey’s challenge for the soul today. It was definitely a serious challenge as it took me out of my comfort zone, which is the point.

Day 1 - Give one authentic compliment to another person for every hour you are awake.
I found this one to be hard, but not as hard as I originally imagined. It forced me to really look at the people that surround me.
Day 2 - Complete one act of kindness, big or small to another person for every waking hour.
This one I didn’t complete. I came close, but it was hard to find something for every hour, that would actually count as something.
Day 3 - Write a heart felt letter to someone you love and give it to them.
I really enjoyed this one, and it reminded me of how much I appreciate this person. This was a great exercise!
Day 4 - Make a list of everything and everyone in your life you are grateful for.
This one puts a lot of things into perspective, and I am going to make an effort to do this one often.
Day 5 - Hug a minimum of 10 different people.
I was way out of my comfort zone for this, but I did it. It was awkward asking for a hug, and I tried to do it in such a way that it wasn’t imposing. Basically I explained why I needed a hug first. Is that cheating?
Day 6 - Recognize every single negative thought and exchange it with a positive thought or action.
I have been working on this one for a while, but it still took some effort. It’s amazing to see how many negatives are actually there without even being aware.
Day 7 - Is a "ME" day...  1. Give yourself a compliment by making a list all the qualities your admire about yourself as well as those that make you unique.  2. Do something special for yourself...guilt free!
Today is my ME day, which also happens to be Father’s Day. It is working out alright so far. It’s funny how sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to do something for ourself, in order to lose the guilt. It’s that way for me at least.

All in all, this was a fantastic challenge and I regret not doing it when Sifu McKinley put it out. Thank you Sifu.

Up

I took my girls to the movie Up yesterday. It was a geared towards grownups a little more than I expected, but the girls did enjoy it. It’s main message that I got out of it, was to live life while you have it. Cherish the now. It is easy to let things get in the way of our dreams, and time will just pass by before you know it. I came away feeling that it is important to live in the moment, and not let opportunities pass you by if you can at all help it.

Life is short, and we never know what it will throw at us. There are opportunities all around us everyday, we just have to recognize them and take the chances. After thinking about this, I am excited about all the learning I have ahead of me. My kids teach me so much everyday, and I know I have missed stuff.

I learn from my classes at Kung Fu, from the kids and adults alike. I just need to keep my eyes open, and stay in the moment. It can be challenging sometimes, when my mind is full, but that is when I need to be aware the most.

I believe I also need to push myself beyond my comfort zone in order to cherish the moment. Sifu McKinley put out a challenge for the soul, and I have to admit that it intimidated me. In fact, I am still working on it, and the 7 days is turning out to be a little longer, but it is important to me to push through and complete it.