And so it goes...

Tomorrow, we head back to school. It is hard to believe that summer is over already, and a new year is beginning.

I am not sure where the time went. We had our vacation this past week and a half, and maybe that is part of my unrest. I know I desperately needed the break, as I felt like I was burning out. And I am feeling some stress now with going back to work. We are short staffed, and so my work load is double. Whatever.

The kids are excited about going back to school though. And the routine will be welcome. We did keep our Kung Fu routine going throughout the summer, which for us, is a nice consistent thing.

The smaller classes made teaching a little more challenging, but it was great. It definitely kept me on my toes, and keeps me adaptable. I had a class outside at Rotary Park on the 19th of August, and it was just great. We had fun, and it made me realize how I missed our outside classes from last summer. The kids ran laps around the pond and we had a couple three legged races. And then we ended the class with watermelon. Yum.

I have said it many times before, but I really enjoy teaching the kids. I had a near miss yesterday though. I had a very near collision with one of the Lil’ Leopards, which resulted in spraining my big toe on my bad foot. But I still have a great left foot, so really, what more do I need?

This week is our yearly renovations at the school, and I always look forward to beginning anew there. It feels fresh, and I feel it pulls us together as a community. I am looking forward to the new start, both with school and the kwoon.

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

Do not pursue the past.

Do not lose yourself in the future.

The past no longer is.

The future has not yet come.

Looking deeply at life as it is.

In the very here and now, the practitioner dwells in stability and freedom.

We must be diligent today.

To wait until tomorrow is too late.

Death comes unexpectedly.

How can we bargain with it?

The sage calls a person who knows how to dwell in mindfulness night and day,

'one who knows the better way to live alone.'


Bhaddekaratta Sutta

Family

I took my kids to see the demo we put on at Rotary Park yesterday. It was a really different experience for me to be on the sidelines and watching. I really miss participating, as I have done that for a long time.

It gave me a whole different perspective on things though. I know my appreciation for the hard work, dedication and courage of the students to get out there and perform in front of a large group of people was up front and center. It was also nice to be able to sit with my kids, and enjoy the demo, which was really great. The team did the school proud, and I am especially proud to be a part of it.

I didn’t go to the demo on Canada Day, because mentally I wasn’t up to facing not being involved. However, my perspective was skewed, and at least now I am maybe starting to accept my injury, and work within my limits. I do still have a lot of work there though.

I have a chronic injury from 3 years ago, that I have learned to live with and work around. My ribs kept me from a lot of training, and I still cannot do a black belt pushup without pain. But it is something I have accepted. Why is it so hard for me to do that with my ankle? I desperately want to train hard again, and I have really struggled with the concept of progressing wisely with it. I have made a lot of bad decisions with my ankle, and have only prolonged my recovery.

But watching the demo yesterday gave me some inspiration. I will be able to do that again, but I have to be smart about it. I am going to need reminders from my Kung Fu family however, since I can be really idiotic when it comes to my injuries.

The cane form has actually been really good for me in this regard. It isn’t taxing on my ankle at all, and has allowed me to really focus on an aspect of my training without hampering my recovery. It feels good to have been able to push hard with the cane, and feels even better to know I can perfect it without doing damage to myself.

To all of you who participated in the demo on August 1st. You guys were awesome, and made me proud to share those moments with you. (I am going to live vicariously through you for a while if you don’t mind.)

My Other LIfe

If I had never discovered Kung Fu, my life would have been so different. I have a lifestyle now that I am proud of, and that makes me feel good to share with my children.

My life may have been like this. Evenings of watching tv, and lounging around. Days gone by without any personal goals accomplished, but still dreamed of. My kids wanting all the latest gadgets, and meeting up with friends to play with said gadgets. We would probably make less healthy food choices. I don’t imagine my girls and I would eat fresh spinach (I hated spinach as a kid) and vegetables, or eat foods with whole grains, or fish that wasn’t deep fried.

We might not have the same sense of our environment, and the impact we have on it. Would my girls be less interested in the world around them and would I? I imagine that we would not care so much about our consumption, or how we could help build tomorrow.

I believe our lives would be mediocre, and we would have been unaware of it. That scares me. The thought that I (we) would have had lives where we had just gone through the motions, and not pushed ourselves to be more. How rich would our lives have been?

I have Kung Fu to thank for the life we have. My oldest daughter might still be the extremely shy girl she was, and my youngest daughter might be more of a follower, and not a leader.

How would my parenting be different? Would I have expected less from my kids, and therefore not helped them realize their potential?

I am so thankful that I chose the path I did, and I have no regrets. I feel that we are way more than we could have been, and we still have way more to grow.

A little bit of rain...

I have been struggling all day with what to write. It is important for me to push through anyway, and even if I babble, well, I tried.

I have mentioned in the past how much I dislike conflict, and that I tend to try to avoid it whenever I can. Avoiding it comes with consequences though, and I am trying to face my conflicts as much as I can. I think I have grown a little, and will continue to grow as a person the longer I stand up for myself, my children, and what is right.

I have recently been thrown into a conflict again, which seems to recur a couple of times a year. I am confident that by keeping the real issues in front of me, that it will be solvable. My passion will also help me there, as well as expressing myself as clearly as possible. Empathy is important, as is self respect, focus and discipline. (Discipline being staying on top of it, so that it cannot get out of hand.)

Staying engaged

Lately I have been thinking about what keeps me going in Kung Fu. I have achieved my goal of black belt, and I am aware that some people seem to lose their way after black belt.

One of the sacrifices I made in order to achieve this goal, was to attend the evening adult classes which was hugely beneficial. However, I have now taken that back to spend those nights with my kids, and it is hard to give that up again. Have I fallen off the wagon? I don’t think so.

I have taken in 2 more classes since February, the I Ho Chuan and Tai Chi. It is great to have the focus once more to learn some new things.

But an impact that I didn’t truly realize, is that teaching the kids has really kept me engaged in my training. I get really excited when I see them improve, and their enthusiasm is contagious. I get a challenge from finding new ways to teach that makes learning fun. The rewards and inspiration truly keep me going. I am rewarded with every smile I receive, with every stripe I am honored to give, with every improvement I see. I am inspired when I see the kids “get it”, when they are cheering each other on, and are working as one family.

I question how much I might have let go, since I have been injured since January. I haven’t been able to train very hard for over 6 months now, and at times it is really difficult to stay positive. I definitely see the gift of teaching Kung Fu, and I feel fortunate for that opportunity. It would have been easier to fall off the wagon if I didn’t have that incentive to keep pushing. I think it also helps that I make myself keep going to classes and doing what I can, instead of sitting at home waiting to get better.

I have to admit, that going to the Lion Dance practices has been difficult at times, as I really miss being physically involved in the classes. But again, I am learning a lot from watching the others.

I have been learning patience over the past six months, but not nearly enough not to get stupid and push too hard sometimes. Par for the course right?

I am engaged in my training. By giving to others, I am giving to myself.

Running on reserve

Sleep. A precious gift, and yet it can be something to seek with frustration when it won’t come.

I have an uncanny ability to sleep. I can almost always nap when I need to if the opportunity is there, and for the most part, I don’t have many troubles falling asleep. It also seems, that the more stressed I am, the more my body craves it.

My youngest daughter also has no troubles sleeping. Sleep comes easily and quickly, and she sleeps when she feels tired and does not need coaxing. In fact, she has always needed it. I remember being worried about how she would do in Kindergarten because she was still having afternoon rests. She adapted though, and still does well.

My oldest however, is a completely different story. From the time she was a baby, I struggled to get her to sleep. Her mind is extremely active, and her worries come alive at night. She sleep walks when she is under stress, although not so much now that she is older. The problem now is the night’s that she refuses to settle down. I don’t know if it’s a conscious thing to fight sleep, or if she is so focused on sleeping that she can’t.

A lack of sleep has a profound effect on our attitudes and our ability to cope with everyday situations. It’s hard to focus on the task at hand, difficult to concentrate, and over time, your body’s ability to fight sickness is very compromised. And how hard is it to stay positive in the sleep deprived state? Everything becomes more challenging, and frustration always seems to be just below the surface.

How much more difficult is it tackle a new technique in Kung Fu when you are tired? Or to stay calm enough to break it down? How much harder is it to deal with anxiety when your brain is at it’s maximum because of a sleep deficit?

My daughter struggles with this constantly, and I do my best to help her. I am hoping that along with our regular sleep routine, and maybe some relaxation techniques, I can help her get more and better quality sleep. It will help her in school, Kung Fu, and in every aspect of her life.

I also have to stay cognizant of my sleep deprivation, because when I am deprived, I am not able to stay patient for long to help her. And all the caffeine in the world won’t help. I need to take care of me, so that I can give my girls the best care possible.

They say that kids age 7 to 12 or so, need about 10 to 11 hours of sleep a day. Teens need between 8 to 10 hours a day, as do adults.