Empathy

Having good health is something I think I have taken for granted. At least most of the time. I have seen the empathy requirements of the UBBT - 1 day in a wheelchair, 1 day mute, 1 day blind, and I think these are a great tool.

I have been on crutches for a week now, and it’s amazing how much I take for granted. My ability to walk, climb the kids bunk bed, carry things, do housework and go grocery shopping have all been affected by this. Not only do I have 1 working foot, I have 2 hands tied up with crutches.

I have felt rather helpless this week, as I have had to ask for help with almost everything. I really don’t like asking for help. So how do people that have more permanent disabilities affect me? I found myself asking would they want help? Do they want to remain as independent as possible? I think the answer would be yes to both.

I recall hobbling through my parking lot at work, trying to navigate the ice, and people just walked on by. I got caught up on some ice, and had to send my kids to get help at the Kwoon. Lots of people walked by me, and kept going. I stood there surrounded by ice, unsure of any move I made, and I felt so incredibly alone and helpless.

This brings to question, how can I do more for those less fortunate than I? I am only laid up for a short while, whereas some are permanently challenged by the day to day tasks I take for granted. I know that I need to stay in the moment more, and make the choice to offer my help.

Silent River Kung Fu’s Adopt a Driveway is really great too for empathy. Imagine being able to only stare at the driveway covered in snow and ice and feel helpless to do anything about it. Imagine not having the strength to be able to something that seems so simple. I know I would be incredibly grateful to have someone volunteer their time to shovel for me, and would not expect anything in return.

My hat goes off to all of you shovelling, and to all of you who make a difference daily in all your endeavors.

And a huge thank you to those who helped me this week. It made things much easier for me, and I hope that I can help you when you need it.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

It's Martin Luther King Jr. Day (Or at least his birthday is observed today) and to commemorate a great person, here is a quote.

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. The true neighbor will risk his position, his prestige and even his life for the welfare of others."
- Martin Luther King, Jr., Strength in Love

I want to do what???

I have always been envious of people who know what their calling is, and have the passion to do that for the rest of their lives. I am not one of those people and so find myself in my current position.

I am lucky in that I fell into a career, which I have helped mold. It pays well, has benefits and flexibility, but I am not happy with it. It is going in a direction that I am not comfortable with, and let’s face it, this isn’t what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I avoid conflict like the plague. I do what I can to keep people happy, and get very withdrawn when I have to deal with a conflict. If I am angry and passionate about something, then yes, I will fight, but that kind of situation doesn’t happen very often.

So I find myself with a dilemma this week. I was offered a position in another unit in my building. It isn’t something that really speaks to me, but it is a way out of the unit I am in. I realize that I will have to deal with politics no matter where I work, but I am tired of the current ones I deal with on a daily basis. I feel there is a lack of honesty, a lot of manipulation, and I am being pushed into contacting people that could very well turn into conflict.

I really dislike being at odds with people. I try to quietly go about my business, do what I need to do, and get on with my day. If you haven’t already guessed, I am not really a people person.

I managed a retail store for several years, and I enjoyed it, however I always dreaded the mroe difficult customers who wanted to argue. It never failed to raise my stress levels, and was a serious drawback for me.

I went to college and got my diploma in Visual Display and Merchandising, so that I could stay in the backround and not have to deal with people. I now find myself in Records Management, where I shouldn’t really have to deal with people, but am now finding myself having to do just that.

This new position I was offered, is one that would require even more interaction with people. Is that really what I want? Is it worth it to take the opportunity so that I can at least leave the place I am at? I do know that I want to do something I am passionate about. But I have no idea what that is, besides Kung Fu.

Growing up, I always wanted to be a Nursing Assistant, and loved my Health Sciences classes in High School. But after volunteering at a hospital, I realized that I didn’t have the mental strength to deal with the feelings of helplessness of not being able to make everyone feel better. So my path went a different direction, and I was okay with that, however, I have yet to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I had hopes that by writing this, I could dig deep and find my answer. I do not wish to just go through the motions, nor do I wish to face conflict. But I also need to consider the needs of my family, as the sole provider. We can’t always get what we want, but that won’t stop me from trying to find it. So what will tomorrow bring?

Training partners

I have been thinking about training partners in Kung Fu. I have trained with different partners over the years, but I have always had a “safe” person. I have a lot of trust in them, and when I am full of self doubt I can relax with them. And while it is great to work with this person, and I hope to have the opportunilty for years to come, I have also recognized the challenge and benefit involved with working with someone different.

Training with one specific person has helped me in many ways. And the challenge with someone new is that what works on one person may need to be adjusted for another. Height, and flexibility (or joints that don’t lock as easily) change things.

Sparring is good for this too, as you have to adjust for every different opponent. But to actually apply techniques is where it gets exciting.

As a rule, I have worked with mostly other girls/ women in training. And for some things, this is a bonus. But lately I have been working exclusively with two male Sihings. Wow. I have had to work on my “meaness”, or intensity and this has been awesome for it. I am finding ways to make contact without actually hurting anyone. Basically, using a slightly different part of my body - for example using my tricep instead of my elbow. I have pulled my techniques for a long time.

Working with someone you don’t usually work with also gives you the opportunity to see things from a different perspective. We all learn differently, and we differ in our approach.

So I am torn on having one specific partner to work with. I really like the security and safety factor, but I have grown so much by working with the guys. I find it exciting and challenging, and I recommend mixing it up to everyone.

Peace to you...

I am looking forward to my training over the holidays. While on one hand I have been feeling overwhelmed with everything, I am learning a new form. It is one I started to learn a couple of years ago, but dropped it when I focused on training for my blackbelt. I didn’t feel it was fair to put energy into something new when I wanted to perfect all the rest of my curriculum.

I started learning the form on Saturday, and I really like it. The stances are a bit different from what I am used to and I have muscles that I forgot about. Or maybe it's because my stances haven't been deep enough before. Who knows, but I like it. It has a lot of flow to it, and it just feels good. Hopefully I can make it look as good as it feels.

On another note, I have been thinking about the past year, and the trials, tribulations and successes that I have endured. I couldn’t have gotten to where I am today without the support of my family, friends, and Kung Fu family. We are lucky to have the community that we do, and the way we have come together is humbling.

I know that we can and will make a change in our world. But it starts within.

Peace to you and yours, always.

Charlie Brown

I love putting up and decorating my Christmas tree. In fact, if I could do it for a living all year round I would.

Believe it or not, I had a job for about 4 years, seasonal of course, putting up commercial trees. It was the best job I ever had. It was dirty, and I was always scratched up, but the satisfaction has yet to be beat. It was only for about 5 months a year, but it was great. We put up trees in WEM, Canada Place, Manulife Place, the International Airport, to name a few.

But I am now a tree snob. I have “my” tree, and my girls have their own tree to decorate as they please. I finally put up our trees this weekend. It was unfortunately a long process, but I am content now that it is done. I get so much out of placing each branch, and placing each light, and then the seeing the final product. Anyone who sees my tree would probably see it as impersonal and think it belonged in a store. But it makes me happy and I could spend some serious down time just staring at it.

It has been a challenge with my girls though. Maya wants to help me, and it is really difficult to let her. But I do anyway, and this year felt really good. She is like me in that she likes things precise, and because she knew it was important to me, she took care in putting the decorations on.

I also found a great way to go to work in the morning. I drive past Central Park in Spruce Grove, and because it is still dark, I get to see all the trees lit up. It is beautiful and makes me smile. The lights aren’t perfect, but the sheer magnificence of them all is amazing. For me anyway. I know it is a lot of electriicity, but well...

I know this post doesn’t have any relevance to Kung Fu, except for the fact that it was a break in my routine. I am struggling with my life’s balance, and for a while, I can stare at my tree (s), and relax.

Off Balance

Finding the right balance, in my opinion, is the biggest challenge in training. It’s one thing to just go to the minimum required classes, but it’s another thing to feel the passion and energy one gets from putting in a lot of time. I feel off balance right now. I am training an extra 3 nights a week on top of everything else and am losing my ground.

When I got my second degree brown belt, it didn’t occur to me to stop going to the Monday/ Wednesday classes. I simply added the Friday class and I get so much out of that. I have continued to learn by attending those extra classes, and I am sure I always will.

And in training for my black belt over the last while, I have had to let things go in order to maintain some balance in my life. I have let some housework go, and am not nearly as organized as I would like to be. It was a necessary thing, and I would do it again without hesitation. But I feel like I am drowning.

How much do I lean on others to reach my personal goals? What changes can I make so that nothing suffers? I have to remind myself that I can relax a bit in a few months. This is a temporary thing. But is it? I need Kung Fu. But I need to breathe too. And I can’t forget that I am a mother. I don’t want to miss anything.

So I have decided for now, to cut out one of my extra classes on Wednesdays. It was a hard decision, but I have to find the balance somehow.

I refuse to quit trying to find that balance.