I want to do what???

I have always been envious of people who know what their calling is, and have the passion to do that for the rest of their lives. I am not one of those people and so find myself in my current position.

I am lucky in that I fell into a career, which I have helped mold. It pays well, has benefits and flexibility, but I am not happy with it. It is going in a direction that I am not comfortable with, and let’s face it, this isn’t what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I avoid conflict like the plague. I do what I can to keep people happy, and get very withdrawn when I have to deal with a conflict. If I am angry and passionate about something, then yes, I will fight, but that kind of situation doesn’t happen very often.

So I find myself with a dilemma this week. I was offered a position in another unit in my building. It isn’t something that really speaks to me, but it is a way out of the unit I am in. I realize that I will have to deal with politics no matter where I work, but I am tired of the current ones I deal with on a daily basis. I feel there is a lack of honesty, a lot of manipulation, and I am being pushed into contacting people that could very well turn into conflict.

I really dislike being at odds with people. I try to quietly go about my business, do what I need to do, and get on with my day. If you haven’t already guessed, I am not really a people person.

I managed a retail store for several years, and I enjoyed it, however I always dreaded the mroe difficult customers who wanted to argue. It never failed to raise my stress levels, and was a serious drawback for me.

I went to college and got my diploma in Visual Display and Merchandising, so that I could stay in the backround and not have to deal with people. I now find myself in Records Management, where I shouldn’t really have to deal with people, but am now finding myself having to do just that.

This new position I was offered, is one that would require even more interaction with people. Is that really what I want? Is it worth it to take the opportunity so that I can at least leave the place I am at? I do know that I want to do something I am passionate about. But I have no idea what that is, besides Kung Fu.

Growing up, I always wanted to be a Nursing Assistant, and loved my Health Sciences classes in High School. But after volunteering at a hospital, I realized that I didn’t have the mental strength to deal with the feelings of helplessness of not being able to make everyone feel better. So my path went a different direction, and I was okay with that, however, I have yet to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I had hopes that by writing this, I could dig deep and find my answer. I do not wish to just go through the motions, nor do I wish to face conflict. But I also need to consider the needs of my family, as the sole provider. We can’t always get what we want, but that won’t stop me from trying to find it. So what will tomorrow bring?