In a tunnel

 

I feel like I’m treading water right now. I have my goals that I have been working on, but as of right now, they are just out of reach. Stress, migraines, and and an overall sense of urgency without a purpose. Sorry, I don’t know how else to describe what where I am at.

But not to worry, this too shall pass, and I will be swimming forwards soon. There is no quitting.


I found this quote by Thich Nhat Hanh that really spoke to me:


“When you feel overwhelmed, you’re trying too hard. That kind of energy does not help the other person and it does not help you. You should not be too eager to help right away, there are two things: to be and to do. Don’t think too much about to do - to be is first. To be peace. To be joy. To be happiness. And then to do joy, to do happiness - on the basis of being. So first you have to focus on the practice of being. Being fresh. Being peaceful. Being attentive. Being generous. Being compassionate. This is the basic practice. It’s like if the other person is sitting at the foot of a tree. The tree does not do anything, but the tree is fresh and alive. When you are like that tree, sending out waves of freshness, you help to calm down the suffering in the other person.”

- Thich Nhat Hanh.

Boot to the Head?

 

A little over a week ago, my Kung Fu was put to a test. Here’s the scenario and you decide which is the correct solution.

I was out walking my dog, and as some of you know, he is a big dog in a little body. Not exactly intimidating, although your ankles might not be the same after. Anyways, as we were approaching an intersection, I noticed a somewhat shady person slowly making their way across on the other side. I kept watching, and as we approached the corner, Bark Lee and I turned towards home but opted not to cross to the sidewalk on the other side as that is where this individual was very slowly walking and watching me. We had gotten slightly ahead of him when I noticed him cross to our side of the street, which I have to say, freaked me out. Now when I lay out the two choices, please keep in mind what Kung Fu does for you.

Solution #1. I picked up my dog, ran towards the guy, dropped him with an amazing roundhouse, and walked home with confidence.


Solution #2. Called my husband immediately, who was out the door and after the guy in 2 seconds flat.

If you chose lucky number 2, then you my friend are well on your way in your Kung Fu journey. Kung Fu is not just the ability to kick butt. It’s about recognizing a situation for what it is, trusting your instincts, and hopefully not putting yourself in harms way. So yes, I have my black belt, but I don’t want to fight. As it turns out, my husband knew a relative of this guy and it turned out ok, but it’s never worth the risk.

Clint Eastwood?

 

I discovered a strange habit last night in the black belt class, and it’s not a good thing. In one particular form, my left hand is chambered differently than my right for the same technique. Hung 2 is where is discovered this odd phenomenon and so, here I go, to break it down, figure out why I am doing it this way, and then to fix it...

Air Hugs Only!!

 

I have been thinking a lot lately about compassion and Kung Fu has taught me to use it in all aspects of my life. I have seen a shift in me since I began training almost 2 decades ago. While I still occasionally make a snap judgement, I am more often likely to see something or someone with compassion. I am more accepting of people as they are, and of their character. It’s easy to label someone based on what we see in the media, or even with what we have grown up with. But Kung Fu has taught me so much more. I don’t see an aboriginal person - I see my neighbour, who ran outside in her pajamas as soon as she realized we couldn’t find our dog. I see the person dressed in goth attire with a wild hairstyle and piercings who is the most polite person I could imagine meeting. I see a homeless person who will feed their dog before they feed themselves. We never know what lies beyond what we see. And only compassion and empathy will allow that.

Choices

 

We make choices so often each day, that we are not even aware of. And these choices start as soon as we wake up. We choose to either hit the snooze button or get up and at em right away. We make choices when we get ready for the day - work out perhaps, eat breakfast , leave for the day and so on.




Most of these are made without much thought, and are more than likely made on auto pilot. These choices however, can me monumental in size when you are struggling with your mental health. Over this past month or so, I’ve had to dig deep most days to get out of bed, and deeper still to not crawl back in. Every day I have chosen to keep moving forward. I chose to fight back against my mind, and I have been the victor with each choice. Except yesterday. I stopped fighting long enough to lay down in afternoon, but when my husband called, I was reminded to keep fighting. And so I got up and got moving again. Depression didn’t win, I did.




Going to Kung Fu was good for me. I considered staying home as I wasn’t sure I could handle interaction with people. But you guys aren’t just people. You guys continually inspire me and motivate me. I chose instead to go to class, and it did me so much good. I had a chat with a tiny tiger not too long ago about this exact thing. He didn’t participate in class, and my normally very smiley student was sad. During my chat with him after, I told him I had days where I didn’t want to come to class but I did anyway. And those were always my best classes. And it’s true to this very day.




If you don’t feel like doing it, do it anyway. You will always come out ahead.

 

I fell asleep during Tai Chi...

 

Awareness of yourself is multifaceted. You are aware of your acts of kindness, hopefully aware of your emotions, and aware of where you fit in society. However, being aware of yourself in Kung fu requires a little more. It’s feeling how your body moves, comparing it to how it should look, and questioning what is going on when things don’t quite add up. But these questions should be first asked of yourself. Always relying on someone else to tell you what’s wrong doesn’t provide you with any tools for the future. Blasting through a form, while it might feel good, doesn’t mean it is good. And so you have to develop self awareness. How? Always try to ask yourself what is going on first, then if you still aren’t sure, then ask for assistance. We all move a little different, so it’s imperative that you learn to listen to your body and recognize when you are not quite in step. 

Sifu Brinker has said regarding the tiger claws in Lao Gar “ I asked myself if I felt the way Master McDonald looked.” This statement requires a lot of self awareness and that statement has stuck with me for a long time. I have asked myself if I look the way I feel, or how I think it should feel and vice versa. 


Just because it feels good, doesn’t mean it looks good.

My intent, or lack there of

An intention is not a goal. An intention is simply a dream if there isn’t any follow through. Without follow through, then nothing can change.

This is me acknowledging my part in my engagement last week. I had every intention on focusing on my training, but I didn’t follow through. Therefore the goals (intentions) I had will never exist in that time. Will they exist in the future? Absolutely, if I make a plan and follow through.