I find myself in a place where I am not sure where to go. I am feeling a lot of stress at work, as there are some major changes happening, and I don’t know if I should take a step forward.
Basically, my unit will be without a manager for who knows how long, and there is an offer for one of us to act in that position for several months. We are down to half staff in our office, so there are only a few of us that will probably apply. And when I say us, I don’t necessarily mean I.
I have acted in this position while my manager was on holidays on several occasions, and I have managed staff in my past, so that really isn’t an issue. I just question how well I can lead, as the people I would have to supervise have been coworkers for 5 years. Those dynamics could create a lot of stress, but I suppose it could also be rewarding.
There is also someone in my office who will probably apply, but I really doubt how well I can work for her. She is a really nice person, but I had a difficult time working with her in a team in the past. I question how well I could handle her as a boss. I feel like I am losing continuity there, and with the flexibility I have there now, I am afraid of losing it all. There is also a chance she could be really good at this too...but I am afraid to find out.
I was just rereading this, and I have a thought. In a way, my journey to black belt was similar. I was surrounded by fellow sihings for a while, and they were people who were my peers, until I challenged and passed my black belt grading. Suddenly, I was a leader, and different from my previous fellow sihings. So how did I handle that? I simply did what I did, and hopefully while finding my new path, I inspired those around me to do the same. I led quietly, and still do. Maybe I can apply this at work as well.
I am who I am. I recognize my weaknesses, and have to work a little harder to recognize my strengths. Sometimes it is much easier to focus on the weaknesses, and to forget about the strengths. My family believes in me, so I should too. If I choose, I can look at this as an opportunity to grow, not as losing my way.
It has been a weird week. I haven’t been at Kung Fu except for yesterday’s Tai Chi and open training. Other than Christmas, and I guess previous spring breaks, I haven’t been away from Kung fu this long.
I have missed it though, but at the same time it was nice to be home with my girls. We have been at Kung fu every day for the past 4 years (since I moved to Spruce Grove), and taking these breaks seem strange. It is a little different when we go on holidays because we actually go away. I managed to get some things accomplished around the house however (some spring cleaning), and things that I tend to put off because I am just ready to relax by the time the kids are in bed. It has been a good week though - time with my kids, and time for me.
I can’t wait for Kung Fu again.
On another note, I am stepping out of my comfort zone tomorrow. I somehow had myself convinced that I wouldn’t have to meet anyone new, and that somehow by joining the CSA, my veggies would miraculously end up in my fridge. I am not a social person, and meeting people is not something I look forward to. So tomorrow, I am meeting the lady whose produce I am going to be buying this summer. Her farm is called Itty Bitty Acres, and for a smallish price, I will have fresh, pesticide and herbicide free produce delivered weekly. I don’t want to go tomorrow, but I know it’s good for me to go out of my comfort zone, and who knows, maybe I will find a new friend.
Last weekend, my girls and I walked in the Trek for Tourette. It was a lot of fun, and I was amazed at the quality time it gave us as a family. My oldest told me several times that it was the best day. We walked for something we care about, we did it together - a whole 5 km, and found a great bunch of sticks and rocks along the way. The sun was out, and it was just a wonderful day.
Today, we participated in the annual Forms Marathon. The girls have colds so their stamina wasn’t up to par, but we did it, and it was a lot of fun. I did at least 10 reps of each of my forms (except when I went from one into another half way through without realizing it), and it just felt really good to do this. The girls learned from each other, and I learned a lot about my forms.
I buggered up my ankle yesterday (again), but it held up alright. Of course, doing forms for an hour and a half, full out wasn’t an option. But it was nice to go slow, concentrate on my technique and stances. A couple caused me a little pain, but moving carefully, deliberately, and slowly helped a lot.
It was a fantastic opportunity to push myself to excellence - it isn’t too often that you get to practice your forms solid like this. It was wonderful to see everyone come out to participate as well...What a family!
Next week I am walking 5 km in the Trek for Tourette. I have never undertaken anything like this, although I am currently not seeing it as a big deal. Am I underestimating the trek? Will my ankle be okay? Is my fitness up to par?
I feel that I am in pretty good shape for the shape I am in. I do a lot of walking everyday, although I don’t log it, so maybe it isn’t as much as I think. I don’t do any formal training when it comes to walking distances, but I feel that it won’t be a problem.
But will it? I think that perhaps this week, I should prepare. How though? I have pedometer, so that might give me an idea of how much I am actually walking. I have to be more mindful this week - Am I walking with a purpose and in the moment? Or am I walking with my mind on a hundred other things, and only putting one foot in front of the other?
I will need to drink water during this walk. How am I going to accomplish this? Maybe I will wear a backpack, so that I can put my water there, or should I just carry my bottle? Something to think about. Or am I making a mountain out of a molehill? I think maybe I am just thinking about it too much.
I know mentally, I am a little anxious about the walk. Not the walk itself, but the experience. I don’t know what to expect, and so feel a bit unprepared, and unable to do so. But perhaps that will make it more meaningful to me, and will keep me engaged in it. I do know this however. It is for a good cause, and any awareness I raise is a good thing.
The couple of students at Silent River with Tourette’s inspire me, so therefore, this is an important event for me.
Next Sunday, March 21st, at 2:00. I will be there, and I will be walking.
How do lollipops fit in with leadership? They don’t really, but it is a sweet thing when you see your child or student take leadership seriously.
We all have different ways of expressing our leadership. But the common denominator is through example. We can talk the talk all we like, but unless we are seen doing what we say, the words mean nothing.
Some of us are quiet leaders, in that we don’t spend much time talking about what we are doing, and are mostly just doing. We may not even be aware of it, but people see what we do, and they aspire to do the same. For example, you could see a person picking up garbage and without them saying anything, you find yourself picking up garbage too.
Others are more vocal leaders. They talk the talk, and walk the walk. Their words alone are inspiring, but when you couple that with actions that support the words, the leadership is more noticeable.
I think we all have our leadership strengths, whether we can outwardly pinpoint them or not. I believe that through Kung Fu, we are building leaders everyday.
As a parent, I feel that I need to set an example for my children. I follow through with what I say, and I try very hard not to contradict myself. That is a challenge sometimes, because I am not always in the right mindset to be as firm as I need to. As a student, in order to have the privilege to learn, I need to live up to my instructors’ and my expectations. I know that my instructors will be less willing to teach me, if I am all talk, and not willing to take initiative. As an instructor, I need to show my students, that I am going to do what I say, I am more than willing to admit I don’t know something, and I am happy to do pushups or whatever right alongside them.
As a parent, I believe strongly that my children know right from wrong, and I believe strongly that Kung Fu reinforces that. I have to accept that they won’t always make the right choice, but with a safe home and a safe place to train, they will learn.
Consistency is important in leadership as well. How can you lead if you only do what you say sometimes? Or don’t always follow through on your commitments? I know that sometimes, it isn’t always easy. I happened to give out my first grounding two weeks ago. I can’t begin to say how difficult it was, and how much more difficult it was to stick to my guns. Maybe I overreacted, but I am determined that both my children and I learn from this. I believe that I am raising leaders, and even through a grounding I saw leadership. There wasn’t any shown in the incident, but I know it’s there. However, I wonder how much is due to my parenting alone, or how much Kung Fu has influenced that?
Being a leader, is more than just coming to class and doing what you are supposed to be doing. It is trying to do your best, be your best, at all times. Home, school, Kung Fu, and within our community. It is about follow through, consistency, passion, and hard work.
