A is for apple

I went on a course this week at Canada Place. It was something my managers felt myself and two others had to have, but I am not sure how I can apply this new found information. It was actually a fairly boring class, with a couple of people who obviously felt they were too important to be on time and left for hours at a time to take care of things at work. I am not against taking care of things, however if you cannot attend a course for 4 days without interruptions, maybe you should’ve stayed at work.

I know I got fairly irritated this week, when this one particular person was always gone, on her blackberry, or just late. She was in my group for our ongoing assignments, and it was hard for me to a) take her seriously and b) consider her opinions. I put an effort into this course, even though I was somewhat bored. I tried my best to respect everyone around me. I learned a lot about other Government departments, and gathered information that does have some benefit.

Personally, I think if you are taking the time of your instructor and fellow classmates, then you should give it all you have. Your full attention, your focus, and your input. This applies to Kung Fu as well.

If a person goes to class, but decides to talk, and misses some important step or information, how does that affect everyone around them? I know I get distracted when someone talks, and it affects my focus. And why should an instructor have to repeat themselves?

If a person is always late, then how it is perceived? Is it respectful to everyone around them? They don’t seem to care about anyone else, and it is difficult to earn anyone’s respect.

My lesson this week, was the importance of respecting your instructors and fellow classmates time and skill. A person cannot advance if you are not humble enough to accept what is being taught, and to be fully engaged in what you are learning.

My Definition

How does Kung Fu define me? That is a question I found myself asking this week, as I was thinking about my personal requirements.

After open training yesterday, it was crystal clear. I love forms. They make me feel good, and I feel fairly confident, even if I don’t know the form very well. I love how my body moves, and how the techniques are used.

So this tells me something. While I cannot and will not stop focusing on my forms, I do really need to work on my power and meanness. I now need a plan to improve my power and meanness. Now what is the best way to go about that?

First I guess, I need to work on healing. My ankle is still bothering me, and yesterday’s 2 hours of careful forms work has left me with a price to pay today. Oops. It is hard to stay away. But I think, that perhaps I can work on my hand techniques which will give me an opportunity to rest the ankle. Shadow boxing, maybe some bag work. Sparring is pretty much not an option yet, so this should be a good start.

The physical fitness aspect of Kung Fu has also defined me. I like the feeling of being in decent shape, and hope to never lose that.

My pushups have been going well. I am still doing them on my knees, but compared to 6 months ago, I am doing pretty good. I can now do about 20 in one rep, and my ribs are holding up. Yay!!!

It feels good to be training again. Lightly of course, but I have really missed it. It was difficult to be sedentary to allow for healing, and extremely frustrating. Oh well. It gets a little better every day, except for maybe today. Ha Ha.

Out of my comfort zone…

I began a new journey last week, and it didn’t sit too well. I have been working for my
black belt for 6 years, and after the ceremony, I felt almost lost. There was a whole new
world waiting for me, but I didn’t know what to expect. I spent the first week after the
ceremony feeling anxious.

Not only was I diving into a whole new class where I am the new kid, but I also jumped
head first into the I Ho Chuan class. Why? I guess the better question is why not?

Other than the Lion Dance, I have not gone outside the regular curriculum. I felt, that for
my journey, I wanted to only focus on the things I really needed to know. I didn’t want
to change my focus from my black belt, and felt that only once I had my basics down,
and had earned my black belt, that I could then expand my horizons.

Master Brinker brought this up recently. Stepping out of our comfort zone. I definitely
did that last Friday. I went in with a still injured ankle, so I wasn’t really able to
participate much, and ended up in a corner.

I feel embarrassed about that. I felt very self conscious in the I Ho Chuan, as well as the
Black Belt class. I don’t doubt that I earned my belt, but I am way out of my comfort
zone. I am surrounded by people I trust, so I have to just let go, and embrace the
experiences. It’s harder than it sounds though. I feel I hid in a corner – due to my
physical limitations and my mental anguish, instead of pushing through.

I do realize I am being way too hard on myself, and I am also aware that I expect too
much of myself. I also know that in time this will fade, and I will be more comfortable in
these new shoes.

(Please forgive the format - I have no idea what happened, or how to fix it. It looks okay on the other end...)

Time out

I haven't been able to pinpoint my mood today. It feels like I have a lot to process. Yesterday feels like so long ago, and I am really trying to keep the night fresh in my mind. It doesn't seem real yet.

I have a lot to think about, and the direction the journey is now going. I am just beginning.

Empathy

Having good health is something I think I have taken for granted. At least most of the time. I have seen the empathy requirements of the UBBT - 1 day in a wheelchair, 1 day mute, 1 day blind, and I think these are a great tool.

I have been on crutches for a week now, and it’s amazing how much I take for granted. My ability to walk, climb the kids bunk bed, carry things, do housework and go grocery shopping have all been affected by this. Not only do I have 1 working foot, I have 2 hands tied up with crutches.

I have felt rather helpless this week, as I have had to ask for help with almost everything. I really don’t like asking for help. So how do people that have more permanent disabilities affect me? I found myself asking would they want help? Do they want to remain as independent as possible? I think the answer would be yes to both.

I recall hobbling through my parking lot at work, trying to navigate the ice, and people just walked on by. I got caught up on some ice, and had to send my kids to get help at the Kwoon. Lots of people walked by me, and kept going. I stood there surrounded by ice, unsure of any move I made, and I felt so incredibly alone and helpless.

This brings to question, how can I do more for those less fortunate than I? I am only laid up for a short while, whereas some are permanently challenged by the day to day tasks I take for granted. I know that I need to stay in the moment more, and make the choice to offer my help.

Silent River Kung Fu’s Adopt a Driveway is really great too for empathy. Imagine being able to only stare at the driveway covered in snow and ice and feel helpless to do anything about it. Imagine not having the strength to be able to something that seems so simple. I know I would be incredibly grateful to have someone volunteer their time to shovel for me, and would not expect anything in return.

My hat goes off to all of you shovelling, and to all of you who make a difference daily in all your endeavors.

And a huge thank you to those who helped me this week. It made things much easier for me, and I hope that I can help you when you need it.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

It's Martin Luther King Jr. Day (Or at least his birthday is observed today) and to commemorate a great person, here is a quote.

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. The true neighbor will risk his position, his prestige and even his life for the welfare of others."
- Martin Luther King, Jr., Strength in Love

I want to do what???

I have always been envious of people who know what their calling is, and have the passion to do that for the rest of their lives. I am not one of those people and so find myself in my current position.

I am lucky in that I fell into a career, which I have helped mold. It pays well, has benefits and flexibility, but I am not happy with it. It is going in a direction that I am not comfortable with, and let’s face it, this isn’t what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I avoid conflict like the plague. I do what I can to keep people happy, and get very withdrawn when I have to deal with a conflict. If I am angry and passionate about something, then yes, I will fight, but that kind of situation doesn’t happen very often.

So I find myself with a dilemma this week. I was offered a position in another unit in my building. It isn’t something that really speaks to me, but it is a way out of the unit I am in. I realize that I will have to deal with politics no matter where I work, but I am tired of the current ones I deal with on a daily basis. I feel there is a lack of honesty, a lot of manipulation, and I am being pushed into contacting people that could very well turn into conflict.

I really dislike being at odds with people. I try to quietly go about my business, do what I need to do, and get on with my day. If you haven’t already guessed, I am not really a people person.

I managed a retail store for several years, and I enjoyed it, however I always dreaded the mroe difficult customers who wanted to argue. It never failed to raise my stress levels, and was a serious drawback for me.

I went to college and got my diploma in Visual Display and Merchandising, so that I could stay in the backround and not have to deal with people. I now find myself in Records Management, where I shouldn’t really have to deal with people, but am now finding myself having to do just that.

This new position I was offered, is one that would require even more interaction with people. Is that really what I want? Is it worth it to take the opportunity so that I can at least leave the place I am at? I do know that I want to do something I am passionate about. But I have no idea what that is, besides Kung Fu.

Growing up, I always wanted to be a Nursing Assistant, and loved my Health Sciences classes in High School. But after volunteering at a hospital, I realized that I didn’t have the mental strength to deal with the feelings of helplessness of not being able to make everyone feel better. So my path went a different direction, and I was okay with that, however, I have yet to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I had hopes that by writing this, I could dig deep and find my answer. I do not wish to just go through the motions, nor do I wish to face conflict. But I also need to consider the needs of my family, as the sole provider. We can’t always get what we want, but that won’t stop me from trying to find it. So what will tomorrow bring?