Out of my comfort zone…

I began a new journey last week, and it didn’t sit too well. I have been working for my
black belt for 6 years, and after the ceremony, I felt almost lost. There was a whole new
world waiting for me, but I didn’t know what to expect. I spent the first week after the
ceremony feeling anxious.

Not only was I diving into a whole new class where I am the new kid, but I also jumped
head first into the I Ho Chuan class. Why? I guess the better question is why not?

Other than the Lion Dance, I have not gone outside the regular curriculum. I felt, that for
my journey, I wanted to only focus on the things I really needed to know. I didn’t want
to change my focus from my black belt, and felt that only once I had my basics down,
and had earned my black belt, that I could then expand my horizons.

Master Brinker brought this up recently. Stepping out of our comfort zone. I definitely
did that last Friday. I went in with a still injured ankle, so I wasn’t really able to
participate much, and ended up in a corner.

I feel embarrassed about that. I felt very self conscious in the I Ho Chuan, as well as the
Black Belt class. I don’t doubt that I earned my belt, but I am way out of my comfort
zone. I am surrounded by people I trust, so I have to just let go, and embrace the
experiences. It’s harder than it sounds though. I feel I hid in a corner – due to my
physical limitations and my mental anguish, instead of pushing through.

I do realize I am being way too hard on myself, and I am also aware that I expect too
much of myself. I also know that in time this will fade, and I will be more comfortable in
these new shoes.

(Please forgive the format - I have no idea what happened, or how to fix it. It looks okay on the other end...)