Fall

Colours are changing.
The air is crisper.
More purpose to the wind,
No more lazy hot breezes, but
Cooler air, determined to bring change.

The sun glints off the leaves,
Caught in their cycle of life.
From a bud, to leaf, a constant reminder
of life and death.

Or the reminder to live each day,
To the fullest.
Hibernation is near,
But still a ways away.

Close your eyes,
Feel the breeze,
Experience the trees,
As they shed their leaves to sleep.

Smell the air. Breath it in.
Breath it out.
See the colours.
See the change.
Cherish the moment.

You are seven years old.
The piles of leaves
Are an adventure, a play
in which you rejoice in yourself.
Feel the crispness of the leaves
In your hands before you throw
Them in the air. Jump.

Feel the softness, the crunching.
Look up. See the geese.
Their fomations a signal to the world.
Hibernation is near.
But still a ways away.

The colours don’t last,
But always return.
Feel the change,
Be the change.
Embrace it.
Cherish it.

Frustrated

Frustrated.

That is how I am feeling right now, and I hope that by writing, and remembering, I will pull myself out of this.

The loss of Travis Panasiuk has been tough. It doesn’t feel fair, and if I could change it I would in a heartbeat. He inspired me, and his very presence challenged me to push myself harder. One of my favourite memories, is of the first time we sparred each other. We had been partners in Lion Dance for a while, (he was my tail at the Chinese New Year), so to do something different was pretty cool. I remember how his face lit up when we met up on the mats and realized that we got to fight. It was a good match, and his enthusiasm was contagious. Actually, my last memory is similar. My last sparring match last Wednesday night in the Orange/ Green class was with Travis. It is a great way for me to remember him.

I hope that all my memories of him, can get me through my next challenge. I have been on my journey to black belt for a while, and I feel prepared. However, two technique mishaps on Saturday has me scared and frustrated.

My partner landed on me instead of beside me, and now my ribs on my good side are in considerable pain. Upon landing, I felt it on the right, and it travelled all the way to my left, or bad side. I also managed to land a kick wrong and torqued my knee the wrong way. It still hurts. So as it stands, I can’t lift anything, no pushups or deep breaths, and today running hurts. I am probably just being a big baby and maybe tomorrow will be better.

I hope that by keeping the memories of Travis in front of me, I will be able to make myself rest this week, train my brain and keep mentally prepared for my grading. He has challenged me to be the best I can, and it has me more determined than ever to succeed.

Travis, you are with us on our journeys, and have made me thankful that you were a part of our family. I am proud of what you have accomplished, and when I get through this part of my journey, I will be thinking of you. You have inspired me and challenged me. Thank you, I will miss you tremendously.

September

Today is September 01. It has brought with it sunshine and some considerable anxiety. Not quite what I expected.

Tomorrow is the first day of school. Not a huge deal, or so I thought. Haley is going to grade 3, and I am really cool with that. Maya is going to grade 1. That will be a huge change for her, as now she is there all day, every day. Funny, how you hear of moms that get upset over the first day of Kindergarten, and their babies are growing up. Kindergarten didn’t bother me much at all. However, Maya in grade 1 is a hard one for me. She will be fine I am sure, but tomorrow morning, when I drop them off at school, and leave them in their new classrooms, I will feel a sense of loss.

Until then, I have some anxiety over it. Do I have everything? Is everything in their backpacks? I have to make their lunches again. Are they going to be ready on time? Heck, am I?

September 01 also brought the realization that I am indeed grading in oh about, 54 days. 39 training days left to be exact. I handed in my requirements on Friday, and it hit me today. I am intimidated, and that is a good thing, I think. It will keep me training hard, and focused.

Breathe in, Breathe out.

1000 Sit Ups

I completed the pushup challenge yesterday, but I did sit ups instead due to my recurrent rib injury. Boy am I sore today.

As of yesterday at 2:00 pm, I had completed 660 sit ups. I was at 1000 at 7:30 last night. It is really amazing what we can do when we put our minds to it. (And bodies). The satisfaction from completing them was unbelievable, and I feel really good. The pain? It's good pain. It reminds me of the accomplishment, and has me in awe of how far I can push. Thanks for the challenge Sifus!

"If you have the courage to respect your body - the temple that houses the person that you are - personal mastery will not be far away. Each time you get into the gym for a workout on a day you just don't feel like exercising, you grow a little stronger as a human being. Each time you go out for a run on a cold winter's day when under the covers feels like the best place to be, you actualize your humanity just a little more. Working on improving your physical condition is a great way to improve your character and enrich the quality of your life. Good health is true wealth. What's the point of being the richest person in the graveyard?" - Robin Sharma.

This quote describes for me how I feel, each time I go to Kung Fu when I don't feel like it. I always feel so much better after. As well, as pushing myself physically with the sit ups, I feel so much better for reaching the goal.

Pushup!

I had an epiphany the other day. I have spent the last 6 months focused on September 01. D Day for a bunch of assignments due in order to be considered for the Black Belt grading.

I have done each one with as much gusto as I could possibly muster, and now September 01 is literally around the corner. I was pondering my pushup assignment, which will be completed without any problems. But then it hit me. I can't stop my pushups as of September 01. Not only have they become a habit of my day (I do some first thing when I roll out of bed), but I would lose all the benefits from them if I just quit. So, I will continue my 150 per day, and will continue to grow stronger.

Grading is October 25. I keep this date in front of me at all times, but I have realized that I must continue my hard training until then and beyond. I definitely don't have a problem with that, and have enjoyed the focus from this journey.

I worked exclusively on Kempo this past Saturday during open training. I have put it into a training plan to practice it 5 times a day. In particular, the replacement of a particular kick. I have been doing it one way for the last few years, and now need to change it. I know that by September 15, which is my goal for this kick, it should be second nature. But anyway, it was a good day. The more I focused on a specific thing, the more little things to fix came out. It was truly inspiring.

So, the countdown is as follows.

7 days until September 01.
47 days until October 25.

Back on track...I think

By Friday night, I was feeling pretty overwhelmed with my training and had some serious doubts as to my ability to grade this year. I was afraid that because I do still have a lot to work on, that I couldn't possibly be ready on time. Especially when looking at the numbers.

I got home after class, put my kids to bed, and distracted myself by doing some artwork. Nothing special, but it took my mind off things. I have been thinking about how much Kung Fu is a part of my life. I have been training for 5 a half years, both my girls are in it, and I know I would be lost if I couldn't train anymore.

So Saturday morning arrives, and the Lil Leopard class is the start of my day. I teach it with Sifu Robertson, and having the opportunity to teach them is an opportunity of a lifetime. It was a very challenging class, as they were very distracted and didn't have a lot of focus. But they were so fun. And they inspired me again, as to why I am in Kung Fu.

I have always taken my training very seriously, but teaching them allows me to see it from a completely opposite angle. It needs to be fun for them, while teaching them some basics. The constant movement and fun did wonders for my soul and my perspective on my training has a new light. I needed to take that step back and find the joy again.

I am so thankful for those kids. They help make Kung Fu (for me) very rewarding.

15 training days until September 01.
55 training days until October 25.
I am almost there.

Time is closing in

59 days left to train until Grading. This is conducive to training 5 days a week. Master Brinker has said, that we should be ready to grade for September 01. So training 5 days a week, that leaves only 19 days left to train until then. Yikes! This tells me to refine my training plan, and to also keep a close eye on my ribs. Meaning to be careful, not careless.