Rank

I have been thinking a lot lately about rank. I am aiming for my second degree, and find myself getting discouraged about where I am. My inner voice tells me that is doesn’t matter where I am in the totem pole, as long as I train mindfully and stay true to myself. But sometimes that inner voice isn’t very strong.

Part of my reason for the UBBT was to give myself a boost in mindful training, and to act as a guide to grade in the fall. But the more I think about grading, the more stressed out I get. I forget to be in the moment, and forget to find joy in the little things that make it all worthwhile.

As I write this, I find my mind wandering to the Lil Leopards class yesterday, and the light that shines in all those little faces. Some are shy, don’t talk and stick to the instructor they trust. Others are chatty, and can’t wait to tell you about their day (even though it’s only 9 am). That gives me joy, and knowing that my training is getting passed to them means a lot. The same goes in my Advanced kids class. They are on the cusp of teenage hood, and I go away feeling like I made a difference all the time.

So really, does the belt around my waist mean anything at that point? Does it ever? Will the stripes on my belt give me more respect? More wisdom? No. All it does is symbolize a goal I met. So what if it takes longer than I plan? It’s the journey that takes me there that matters the most. That’s the mantra I had when I earned my black belt, and I mentally kick myself sometimes for forgetting that now.

This journey has to stay about learning, and becoming a better person. It’s about personal growth, raising awareness, and inspiring those around me. And on that note, I am going to go do some Tai Chi.........