Alpha

Yesterday was our annual boot camp, and while I didn’t make it to the morning seminars, I was there for the afternoon and the couple that I was most looking forward to.

I missed the Alpha training by Karen Chambers the last time she was out 5 years ago, so it was really great to take part yesterday. I discovered that I have been using a lot of these techniques already, however I came away with some insight and ideas. And the opportunity to try one presented itself tonight.

My daughters were exhausted from the weekend Kung Fu Kids camp. Which is good. They played hard, and had a great time. My youngest daughter is a great sleeper, so while the storm tonight presented a little challenge for her to fall asleep in, it was an enormous obstacle for my oldest.

While lying in bed with her, I decided to try some guided meditation to help her relax, and hopefully drift off to sleep. She found her happy place, and it seemed to work - her breathing slowed down, and I could feel her whole body loosen up. However, those efforts were little for the lasting storm. Whenever I thought she was asleep, a clap of thunder would wake her again. I discovered though, that while guiding her meditation, I was also relaxed. The good thing is, I think I can use this with her on a more regular basis, and maybe, just maybe she can start doing it herself.

Harder than I thought

Somehow, I thought this week’s blog would be simple to write, but I am having some difficulties putting my thoughts into something coherent.

We have put the first three parts of the Tai Chi Long form together over the past couple of weeks, and I love it. I have had some problems in the past with putting them together with any flow, and now it is a little easier. I find that when we are learning one part, I tend to focus on that, and let the rest of the form slide. Shame on me. I am hoping that I can keep this up, and add part four on without forgetting anything. I really love Tai Chi, and the sense of peace it gives me.

I actually get that peace from all my forms - mostly the breathing ones. It feels great to just do the form, without thinking of anything. It always gives me a chuckle when I come out of the void - whether it’s from some injury yelling at me, or whatever brings me back. I always feel so lost. I forget where I am in the form, or what form I was doing in the first place.

I know I have to keep progressing wisely, so as to keep my injuries quiet, and hopefully I can reconnect the six harmonies.

Stealthy Snakes Slither Silently

Where am I, and what am I doing?

I am currently exploring a couple of avenues career wise. I have a meeting with another unit on Wednesday, and am looking into possibly taking a course through distance learning. Where these could lead me, I have no idea. But I do know, that I need to push forward. I will be acting supervisor for my current unit for a 4 month stint starting September, but I am not sure that it is what I truly want.

I have been trying to rest my body a bit - perhaps to heal a little. I guess it’s going alright, but like everything else it’s a journey. It’s a journey fraught with frustration and small joys. I just have to remember to celebrate the small joys, and shrug off the frustration.

I am here, and I am moving forward.

Superstar

I am sitting outside right now, and enjoying the sunshine (and wind). It seems like a windy year so far. Oh well.

I missed the parade yesterday, but I knew that if I chose to walk it, I would do some damage to my already gibbled body. I heard a lot of students showed up for it, and I am glad. We also cleaned up outside the kwoon yesterday - picked garbage, cut the grass, and hosed down the buildings. It was fun - something my kids were really excited about doing. That always impresses me when they see the impact we make when we pick up garbage. Every spring after the snow melts, and they see all the trash on the ground, they are eager to get out there and clean it up.

Speaking of kids, it is amazing how life with them changes. I remember when they were small, and thinking that I couldn’t wait until they grew up more and were more independent. Then things would be easier. Boy was I wrong. It seems to get harder the older they get. I miss the days when they were smaller, everything was black and white, and the answers were so much simpler. Now there are a lot of shades of grey, I question my decisions a lot more, they question my decisions a lot more, and the answers are not so simple anymore. They are growing up right before my eyes, and it seems that if I blink, I miss something. Don’t me wrong, they bring me joy every day, and I am proud of them and their accomplishments. Maybe I am just getting older.

At what point are they old enough to make their own decisions? When do they truly understand consequences, and that when I push them when they don’t want to be pushed, I am helping them to become accountable adults one day? I worry about resentment towards me for being stubborn about not quitting, and I worry if I am doing the right thing. At what point do I let them make more of their own decisions? I made a decision today that came from my heart, and while I question it, I know it was the right choice.

Something else I have thought about this week is how every family is different, and that I am thankful for the one I have. Every family has it’s own dynamics, and it’s own rituals. We have our way of doing things, and our way of supporting each other. We are as individuals unique, and yet we are almost extensions of each other. I see traits in my children, that I also see in myself, and yet there are traits that are completely their own. We are a sum of our parts, and we are special.