Mental Block

I missed posting on Sunday like I usually do, and I am finding it hard to do today. I have enjoyed journalling once a week, and fairly often do it more. I actually wrote one last week on teaching, and I am sure I saved it, but haven’t been able to find it. Oops.

I am not too sure where this is going to go, so bare with me please.

1) I have been working hard on a couple of goals - Kung Fu of course. I have learned through the process of breaking down a few basic kicks, that I have a couple of bad habits. And I also learned that through these bad habits, I have less power. So by removing speed from the equation, and focusing on executing the technique slowly and purposely, my technique has improved as well as my power. It is very cool.

2) I have also had some mental blocks lately, blocks that could probably stop a roundhouse kick to the head. Okay, maybe not. I have had to approach my life as if I am a machine in order to get through the day, and have found myself wishing I could just stay in bed. However, the Pandamonium was a good kick in the pants. It was a lot of fun, I got all sweaty, and felt good after. It was good.

3) I have a secure job, but am not really happy with it. I have been trying to incorporate some of my Kung Fu passion into my teaching at work, but it is a challenge to say the least. It is really difficult to teach people something when they don’t want to be there. Open up and say “Ahhhhh”.

4) On a side note, I have had the opportunity to see a lot of changes in the world in my lifetime. The first African American president of the USA for one. I think that is a change that will echo for a long time, and it’s a good change. A promising change.

5) I can’t leave this on 4. It isn’t a good number, so here is number 5. I am still struggling to become a more assertive person, and Kung Fu has helped me somewhat. I sitll have a long ways to go, and I will as long as I continue to cherish the gift of Kung Fu. Kung Fu has definitely helped my kids become more confident. Within 6 months, at the age of 3, Haley went from a child with her head buried in my chest to the loudest kid in class. I have had parents come to me, and worry about why their child won’t come on the mats the first class of two they are there. I tell them to be persisitent in coming, and eventually it will happen. Patience, and consistency.

Some random thoughts for today. I feel better about journalling for today, even though it’s all over the place. It needed to come out.

“Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.” Hahahaha.

Alley Cat or Cat Fu?

I pushed myself to my limit last Saturday. It would have been nice to have been 100% healthy, but that was not the case. When I got injured again 6 weeks before the grading, I had entertained the idea of putting it off and waiting until next year. However, there was no guarantee that I would have been in any better shape then, and where would my head have been?

So I am very happy with myself, for pushing hard and getting through the day. It was more intense than I expected, and yet so rewarding. I still have a ways to go mind you, and this journey is only just beginning. I found myself surrounded by a couple of fellow students, who, with their intensity, pushed me harder too.

I have always considered myself to be fairly tough and strong, but next to them I feel like a sissy girl. Oh well. It gives me the chance to push even harder and raise the bar on my training. If my mental intensity can go up, and my technique gets better, then perhaps my overall physical output will be that much more impressive.

Or maybe I need to adjust my mentality, and be a tiger! (i’m a rabbit so this could be a challenge). A tiger is graceful, yet oh so powerful. Hm. I may have to start with an alley cat mentality.

Cat Fu anyone?

Handprints Project

This is my new project for Silent River Kung Fu. It started out with an idea, that has branched out into it's final project.

I have already posted my project on Kwoon Talk, but thought I would also post it here too. I had been thinking that we should do something at the end of our fundraiser - Shaolin Panda-monium, to celebrate our accomplishment. I thought it would fun to make a handprint to to mark this very thing.

By putting each of our handprints on a piece of square fabric, we will be able to sew them into a quilt or two to use in a silent auction at the Chinese New Year banquet. I am really excited. I can sew, but the quilting is best left up to my mom. However, I am looking forward to giving this a try.

I have already started to receive squares of 100% cotton (woven) to use in the quilts. But we need more before November 5th. I am not particular about colour, or whether it's patterned or plain. I don't have a preference, as they will be mixed up anyway.

I think the handprint quilt(s) will be a great way to end the fundraiser (which is going to a blast!) and it can bring some good. The money raised from the silent auction will of course be donated to the Benevolent Foundation for distribution to different charities. A good cause all around.

I can't wait to get started!


(The picture is of my youngest daughter - who sewed this quilt this weekend with the help of her Oma. I was truly amazed!)

Only...

18 hours to go...

This little piggy...

My training has taken on new intensity lately, which can be a little scary what with the injuries I seem to be prone to. A recurrent rib injury from 2 1/2 years ago, rib and knee injuries from 5 weeks ago, and the latest - a broken baby toe this past Friday night in class.

So my little piggy is taped up to her buddy beside her, and hopefully will be mostly better by Saturday. Fingers crossed.

I had another snag on Saturday besides my little piggy. I was practicing my 5 techniques, and realized that two of them have become one. I simply changed the 5th one, so I am good again, but I am worried. How come, when I have been practicing it one way for a few months, that all of a sudden my body is doing something different? What the heck? At least it happened yesterday instead of during the grading. That would have been awkward to say the least.

I got through the pre-grading and learned a lot about myself. I don’t feel I performed at my best, as I was full of nerves and my legs couldn’t stop shaking. But I did good in my opinion, and can breath with that part over. It was a good warm up for this Saturday, although I can already feel the pressure and stress. Stress builds character right? Funny thing though - I was so wired after the pre-grading, that I couldn’t sleep. So Thursday night, I managed to find 3 hours of sleep. I am hoping that I just pass out this Saturday. I will more than likely be absolutely exhausted after, so that’s a good thing.

It feels good to have the support of my family, friends, and fellow students. I have fought cyclical depression for a long time, and I crashed hard yesterday. I have taken all the necessary steps to try to control it in preperation for Saturday, but it wasn’t enough. However, I wouldn’t have gotten this far without all the support I have received. It is easy for me to lose my way, and not believe in myself and my abilities when I am in this place. But it’s important to pick myself up, and keep pushing. If I hadn’t, and given up a long time ago, I wouldn’t have accomplished what I have so far in life.

I am thankful for my kids - who have always cheered me on. They have this unshakable belief in me which has pushed me beyond what I thought possible. I am thankful for my parents who have gone above and beyond to help me get this far. I am thankful for my best friend, who has always been proud of me. And I am thankful for my fellow students who continue to inspire me to push harder. So if next week doesn’t go as well as I plan, I am proud of how far I have come. I am a different person than I was when I started Kung Fu. It has been an amazing journey so far, and I am looking forward to all the rest to come.

And in a moment of self pity - my poor baby toe!

Girls rock!

I have to share this because it inspired me, and made me realize just how much farther I have to go in my training. But it was good, really good to watch.

I have always enjoyed watching the UFC, and am very um, engaged in watching it. I get tense, and fidget a lot! I read an article on Gina Carano online and was inspired to watch her MMA fight last weekend, October 4th. It was with Elite XC, which doesn’t do MMA justice. They had one guy who’s style of fighting was “Facesmashing Fu”. What??? I don’t know that I can give them much support when that is considered mixed martial art.

Anyway, it was an amazing fight. This girl is solid, and has some very precise kicks and punches. I want to aspire to that. Not fighting in a cage, but being able to spar with that kind of intensity and precision. A new goal for the near future. Something for me to keep in mind though, is that she is an inch taller than I am, and about 30 pounds heavier. I may not be able to pack a punch the way she can, but one day I will be able to stand up, and spar more confidently.


The video of her fight is on YouTube - I had some issues with uploading the video here. It was Gina Carano vs. Kelly Kobold. Check it out, it's awesome!


Only 3 days until the pre-grading.
And only 9 days until grading day.
Wahoo!

Doubt

When in doubt, find the courage to keep pushing.