Ten Rules for Good Listening

Thursday October 15th was International Conflict Resolution Day. I had no idea such a day existed, but there was a booth set up at work, with some rules and discussion available for us. We have a conflict management team available, but there are things that we can do to try to manage our conflicts on our own.

I wanted to share the Ten Rules for Good Listening, as I feel they can benefit anyone, and can help us develop better relationships with those around us.

1. STOP TALKING. You cannot listen if you are talking.
2. PUT THE TALKER AT EASE. Be positive, state that you want to have a good conversation, or work things out. Consider choosing a neutral place to talk.
3. SHOW THAT YOU WANT TO LISTEN. Look and act interested. Pay attention to your body language, and try paraphrasing.
4. REMOVE DISTRACTIONS. Leave your phone if it rings. Close the door.
5. EMPATHIZE. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
6. BE PATIENT. Allow plenty of time. Do not interrupt. Trust that the other person is saying something important to him/ her even if it may not seem like it to you.
7. HOLD YOUR TEMPER. Think about what happens in your body when you are upset. Plan to calm yourself down when you feel these things happening.
8. HOLD BACK ON JUDGING, ARGUING, CRITICIZING. This puts the other person on the defensive. Consider how you can say what you need to in a neutral manner.
9. ASK QUESTIONS. This encourages the other person to talk, and demonstrates that you are listening and trying to understand..
10. STOP TALKING. This is really the key to having an effective conversation. We were give two ears and one mouth for a reason.

Conflict is stressful, so it’s best to try to solve the problem as quickly as possible. Sometimes this is easier said than done. Sometimes it’s easy to take our relationships for granted, and sometimes it seems simpler to avoid a conflict and hope it will go away. But they don’t. They build and then you have a crisis.

I am not good with conflict. Never have been, and to this day, I still tend to try to avoid them. However, I am recognizing that doing this does a lot of damage, and it hurts the people that mean the most to me. I am a work in progress, and as time goes on, I try to work some of the above things into the conflicts that do arise. But as I said, it can be difficult at times.