Stress

Stress. It affects us in so many ways. It affects us mentally as well as physically. Some stress can be good for us, as it gives us challenges and keeps our brains engaged, but too much and chronic stress can cause us concern.

Positive stress helps us to perform at optimum levels, gives us mental alertness, higher energy, better memory, sharper perceptions, and can also help us to keep our calm under pressure.

Mentally, too much stress can cause us exhaustion, sleeplessness or too much sleeping, changes in appetite, a loss of focus or concentration, irritability or weeping, depression and an inability to cope.

Physically, too much stress can cause numerous aches or pains, including headaches, back pain, abdominal distress, and frequent illness. Stress itself does not cause illness, but it causes our bodies to weaken allowing our most weakest part to become affected.

Some personality traits that can also cause stress. Traits such as shyness and insecurity, inadequacy, and helplessness.

Different people have different coping styles. The first coping style leads to optimal performance. Things such as self care, taking direct action towards the situation, seeking support, adaptability, and time management. The second coping style leads to burnout. Things such as neglect, withdrawal, avoidance, rigidity, and being disorganized. It is important to recognize your coping styles, so that you can manage your stress better.

There are ways to cope with stress, and we need to be aware of them, and practice them if we know we are prone to stress. Things such as relaxation techniques (breathing or visualization), exercise, and humour. Some other things to consider are: Reasoning with yourself, stopping hostile thoughts, distraction, meditation, avoiding overstimulation, asserting yourself, caring for a pet, listening, practicing trusting others, taking on community service, being more tolerant, forgiving, laughing at yourself, developing a sense of spirituality. and pretending that today is your last.

Ten Rules for Good Listening

Thursday October 15th was International Conflict Resolution Day. I had no idea such a day existed, but there was a booth set up at work, with some rules and discussion available for us. We have a conflict management team available, but there are things that we can do to try to manage our conflicts on our own.

I wanted to share the Ten Rules for Good Listening, as I feel they can benefit anyone, and can help us develop better relationships with those around us.

1. STOP TALKING. You cannot listen if you are talking.
2. PUT THE TALKER AT EASE. Be positive, state that you want to have a good conversation, or work things out. Consider choosing a neutral place to talk.
3. SHOW THAT YOU WANT TO LISTEN. Look and act interested. Pay attention to your body language, and try paraphrasing.
4. REMOVE DISTRACTIONS. Leave your phone if it rings. Close the door.
5. EMPATHIZE. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
6. BE PATIENT. Allow plenty of time. Do not interrupt. Trust that the other person is saying something important to him/ her even if it may not seem like it to you.
7. HOLD YOUR TEMPER. Think about what happens in your body when you are upset. Plan to calm yourself down when you feel these things happening.
8. HOLD BACK ON JUDGING, ARGUING, CRITICIZING. This puts the other person on the defensive. Consider how you can say what you need to in a neutral manner.
9. ASK QUESTIONS. This encourages the other person to talk, and demonstrates that you are listening and trying to understand..
10. STOP TALKING. This is really the key to having an effective conversation. We were give two ears and one mouth for a reason.

Conflict is stressful, so it’s best to try to solve the problem as quickly as possible. Sometimes this is easier said than done. Sometimes it’s easy to take our relationships for granted, and sometimes it seems simpler to avoid a conflict and hope it will go away. But they don’t. They build and then you have a crisis.

I am not good with conflict. Never have been, and to this day, I still tend to try to avoid them. However, I am recognizing that doing this does a lot of damage, and it hurts the people that mean the most to me. I am a work in progress, and as time goes on, I try to work some of the above things into the conflicts that do arise. But as I said, it can be difficult at times.

Precious things

I have no idea where to go with my thoughts today. It has been a mentally exhausting week for me, and my brain is all over. I took up crocheting last week and I am really enjoying how relaxing it is. I am not very good yet mind you, but that’s okay. It’s been a nice way to mentally unwind.

I am a bit disappointed with the snow already. I feel like I missed fall, and I am just not ready for the cold. Thankfully it looks like the temperature will be going up a bit this week. I like winter enough, don’t get me wrong, but it just goes on and on, and it can be difficult to be cheery when the sky is grey all the time. I like having 4 distinct seasons, so I can’t imagine living anywhere else. But it would be really fantastic if winter was only 2 months long. That I could handle. Oh well.

I do love the days, where the cold has made the trees all frosty, and the air is so crisp that it feels unbelievably clean and fresh. I love watching giant snowflakes fall to the ground, on days where there isn’t any wind, and they softly drift to the ground. Where they are so big that you can see their designs on your mittens before they melt away.

Those are things that bring me into the moment. They make me stop, breath and reflect on the now. Having kids helps me with that too though. They find the little things that I would most likely miss because I am always on a mission. It is good to stop now and then, and just be.

Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder

PMS, is something society accepts, although a lot of blame gets placed on it. You know, the “she’s so crabby, it must be pms” lines. Premenstrual Dyshporic Disorder is a severe form of PMS. Approximately 3 - 8% of women have this disorder.

PMDD (for short), has similar symptoms as your typical pms. However, for women with this disorder, they only have about 7 - 10 days without symptoms. Very intense feelings are a key component of PMDD and they interfere with work, relationships, school and day to day activities.

Symptoms include a significant depressive state, feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, problems with concentrating, changes in sleep patterns and eating patterns, feelings of being overwhelmed, sadness and crying, panic attacks and some physical aches and pains.

As with many mental illnesses, there is a stigma attached. It is real, and is not just in our heads. It can be very embarrassing to admit to these mental challenges, so awareness becomes all the more important. A person with a mental illness, or disorder is not the only one who suffers or is affected by it. Everyone around you will notice one way or another.

Imagine, being at work or school, and not being able to control the tears. The smallest thing can set you off, and it might take a half hour to stop crying and calm down. Everything is monumental, and everything is personal. A conflict with a child, loved one or coworker, can send you into a state where you feel hopeless and worthless. Or the other extreme where you snap at them, for no reason, and then feel an incredible guilt for it after. The mood crashes can be devastating, and you might wonder when you will feel normal again, and for how long. The days are counted, both with dread and anticipation - when will I crash, and when will I feel better?

It is Mental Health Awareness Week this week. By talking about them and raising awareness, we can all develop some empathy toward those with a mental illness/disorder.