My Definition

How does Kung Fu define me? That is a question I found myself asking this week, as I was thinking about my personal requirements.

After open training yesterday, it was crystal clear. I love forms. They make me feel good, and I feel fairly confident, even if I don’t know the form very well. I love how my body moves, and how the techniques are used.

So this tells me something. While I cannot and will not stop focusing on my forms, I do really need to work on my power and meanness. I now need a plan to improve my power and meanness. Now what is the best way to go about that?

First I guess, I need to work on healing. My ankle is still bothering me, and yesterday’s 2 hours of careful forms work has left me with a price to pay today. Oops. It is hard to stay away. But I think, that perhaps I can work on my hand techniques which will give me an opportunity to rest the ankle. Shadow boxing, maybe some bag work. Sparring is pretty much not an option yet, so this should be a good start.

The physical fitness aspect of Kung Fu has also defined me. I like the feeling of being in decent shape, and hope to never lose that.

My pushups have been going well. I am still doing them on my knees, but compared to 6 months ago, I am doing pretty good. I can now do about 20 in one rep, and my ribs are holding up. Yay!!!

It feels good to be training again. Lightly of course, but I have really missed it. It was difficult to be sedentary to allow for healing, and extremely frustrating. Oh well. It gets a little better every day, except for maybe today. Ha Ha.

Out of my comfort zone…

I began a new journey last week, and it didn’t sit too well. I have been working for my
black belt for 6 years, and after the ceremony, I felt almost lost. There was a whole new
world waiting for me, but I didn’t know what to expect. I spent the first week after the
ceremony feeling anxious.

Not only was I diving into a whole new class where I am the new kid, but I also jumped
head first into the I Ho Chuan class. Why? I guess the better question is why not?

Other than the Lion Dance, I have not gone outside the regular curriculum. I felt, that for
my journey, I wanted to only focus on the things I really needed to know. I didn’t want
to change my focus from my black belt, and felt that only once I had my basics down,
and had earned my black belt, that I could then expand my horizons.

Master Brinker brought this up recently. Stepping out of our comfort zone. I definitely
did that last Friday. I went in with a still injured ankle, so I wasn’t really able to
participate much, and ended up in a corner.

I feel embarrassed about that. I felt very self conscious in the I Ho Chuan, as well as the
Black Belt class. I don’t doubt that I earned my belt, but I am way out of my comfort
zone. I am surrounded by people I trust, so I have to just let go, and embrace the
experiences. It’s harder than it sounds though. I feel I hid in a corner – due to my
physical limitations and my mental anguish, instead of pushing through.

I do realize I am being way too hard on myself, and I am also aware that I expect too
much of myself. I also know that in time this will fade, and I will be more comfortable in
these new shoes.

(Please forgive the format - I have no idea what happened, or how to fix it. It looks okay on the other end...)

Time out

I haven't been able to pinpoint my mood today. It feels like I have a lot to process. Yesterday feels like so long ago, and I am really trying to keep the night fresh in my mind. It doesn't seem real yet.

I have a lot to think about, and the direction the journey is now going. I am just beginning.