I think I Can!

The grading is closing in...

The count is as follows:

25 Days until D Day.
18 Training Days until D Day.

And only 16 days (Including weekends) until the Pre-Grade.

This isn't much time, but hopefully my plan is successful. I have put considerable thought into this, and I believe I can do this. If I train lightly, so as not to re-injure myself as I am prone to do, I should be able to explode at the Pre-Grade, and once more explode at Grading Day. So until then, lots of stretching, weight training (light), sit ups, light techniques and slow forms. Visualizing, and focusing on the goal.

It's been said that it's the journey, not the destination. I keep this in front of me all the time. Mentally, I am ready. I do have my doubts, don't get me wrong, but I believe I can do this. I think I can!

Heal already!

During open training yesterday, I realized just how close the grading is. I have to admit, that I am intimidated, frustrated with the slower than expected healing process, and determined to work my butt off and do the best I possibly can.

I am trying to eat well, and sleep as much as I can. I am constantly thinking about Kung Fu, and keeping my mind in the game. For anyone who has experienced an injury, going to class in any capacity is what we need. Sitting on the bench can give you a whole new vantage point from which to learn. By listening to the Sifu's and watching how other people move, it can give you a lot of insight into your own training. By taking these points, committing them to paper/ memory, you can then apply them to yourself.

A lot can also be said for doing your forms in your mind. It can be a fantastic distraction, or a great stress relief. I find that by doing Long or 18 Temple Motions in my head, I can reduce some situational stress. It helps to slow my breathing, and brings me back to the moment. It might not work for everyone, but it works for me.

I have been trying to review the curriculum in my head and visualize each technique as much as I can. There are some that I need to just do to "get it", but it is helping me stay focused.

The countdown is as follows:

33 days (Including weekends)
25 Training days until Grading.

Wow. Breath in. Breath out.

Fall

Colours are changing.
The air is crisper.
More purpose to the wind,
No more lazy hot breezes, but
Cooler air, determined to bring change.

The sun glints off the leaves,
Caught in their cycle of life.
From a bud, to leaf, a constant reminder
of life and death.

Or the reminder to live each day,
To the fullest.
Hibernation is near,
But still a ways away.

Close your eyes,
Feel the breeze,
Experience the trees,
As they shed their leaves to sleep.

Smell the air. Breath it in.
Breath it out.
See the colours.
See the change.
Cherish the moment.

You are seven years old.
The piles of leaves
Are an adventure, a play
in which you rejoice in yourself.
Feel the crispness of the leaves
In your hands before you throw
Them in the air. Jump.

Feel the softness, the crunching.
Look up. See the geese.
Their fomations a signal to the world.
Hibernation is near.
But still a ways away.

The colours don’t last,
But always return.
Feel the change,
Be the change.
Embrace it.
Cherish it.

Frustrated

Frustrated.

That is how I am feeling right now, and I hope that by writing, and remembering, I will pull myself out of this.

The loss of Travis Panasiuk has been tough. It doesn’t feel fair, and if I could change it I would in a heartbeat. He inspired me, and his very presence challenged me to push myself harder. One of my favourite memories, is of the first time we sparred each other. We had been partners in Lion Dance for a while, (he was my tail at the Chinese New Year), so to do something different was pretty cool. I remember how his face lit up when we met up on the mats and realized that we got to fight. It was a good match, and his enthusiasm was contagious. Actually, my last memory is similar. My last sparring match last Wednesday night in the Orange/ Green class was with Travis. It is a great way for me to remember him.

I hope that all my memories of him, can get me through my next challenge. I have been on my journey to black belt for a while, and I feel prepared. However, two technique mishaps on Saturday has me scared and frustrated.

My partner landed on me instead of beside me, and now my ribs on my good side are in considerable pain. Upon landing, I felt it on the right, and it travelled all the way to my left, or bad side. I also managed to land a kick wrong and torqued my knee the wrong way. It still hurts. So as it stands, I can’t lift anything, no pushups or deep breaths, and today running hurts. I am probably just being a big baby and maybe tomorrow will be better.

I hope that by keeping the memories of Travis in front of me, I will be able to make myself rest this week, train my brain and keep mentally prepared for my grading. He has challenged me to be the best I can, and it has me more determined than ever to succeed.

Travis, you are with us on our journeys, and have made me thankful that you were a part of our family. I am proud of what you have accomplished, and when I get through this part of my journey, I will be thinking of you. You have inspired me and challenged me. Thank you, I will miss you tremendously.

September

Today is September 01. It has brought with it sunshine and some considerable anxiety. Not quite what I expected.

Tomorrow is the first day of school. Not a huge deal, or so I thought. Haley is going to grade 3, and I am really cool with that. Maya is going to grade 1. That will be a huge change for her, as now she is there all day, every day. Funny, how you hear of moms that get upset over the first day of Kindergarten, and their babies are growing up. Kindergarten didn’t bother me much at all. However, Maya in grade 1 is a hard one for me. She will be fine I am sure, but tomorrow morning, when I drop them off at school, and leave them in their new classrooms, I will feel a sense of loss.

Until then, I have some anxiety over it. Do I have everything? Is everything in their backpacks? I have to make their lunches again. Are they going to be ready on time? Heck, am I?

September 01 also brought the realization that I am indeed grading in oh about, 54 days. 39 training days left to be exact. I handed in my requirements on Friday, and it hit me today. I am intimidated, and that is a good thing, I think. It will keep me training hard, and focused.

Breathe in, Breathe out.