Off Balance

Finding the right balance, in my opinion, is the biggest challenge in training. It’s one thing to just go to the minimum required classes, but it’s another thing to feel the passion and energy one gets from putting in a lot of time. I feel off balance right now. I am training an extra 3 nights a week on top of everything else and am losing my ground.

When I got my second degree brown belt, it didn’t occur to me to stop going to the Monday/ Wednesday classes. I simply added the Friday class and I get so much out of that. I have continued to learn by attending those extra classes, and I am sure I always will.

And in training for my black belt over the last while, I have had to let things go in order to maintain some balance in my life. I have let some housework go, and am not nearly as organized as I would like to be. It was a necessary thing, and I would do it again without hesitation. But I feel like I am drowning.

How much do I lean on others to reach my personal goals? What changes can I make so that nothing suffers? I have to remind myself that I can relax a bit in a few months. This is a temporary thing. But is it? I need Kung Fu. But I need to breathe too. And I can’t forget that I am a mother. I don’t want to miss anything.

So I have decided for now, to cut out one of my extra classes on Wednesdays. It was a hard decision, but I have to find the balance somehow.

I refuse to quit trying to find that balance.

Peace

Preparing for the grading this year, has taken considerable time and committment. I have had to prioritize my usual activities and it worked out okay. And with my family committments, I am now at Kung Fu 6 days a week. Definitely a home away from home.

I found peace this week in a place I had almost forgotten about. Saying that I feel like a terrible mom because it has always been in front of my face, and I just didn’t take the time to look.

We look at sleeping babies, and peaceful is always a thought that comes to mind. The other night, my oldest daughter called me in to their room because she couldn’t sleep. Her sister was zonked right out, but she was having some trouble. So I crawled into bed with them, and she cuddled right up. She fell asleep within moments. I ended up laying there for a while, holding her, and listening to both girls breathe.

It gave me unbelievable peace. I haven’t felt that in a long time and it brought me almost to tears. In the chaos of our everyday lives, I had forgotten the gift of my children. They don’t need me to cuddle much anymore, and we spend more time rough housing. They are almost 8 and 6 1/2 years old, and are fairly independent.

Kung Fu has given us a way to connect through physical play - sparring in the kitchen, or grappling on the floor. But taking time to just cuddle while they slept was an unmeasurable pleasure.

The unconditional love and trust is so humbling. Just lying there, made all my stresses disappear, and time almost stood still. I know why I am a mother, and why I was given my two girls. They center me, and make me strive to be a better person. I have watched them grow into the people they are, and I am so proud. And what’s great, is that they have told me they are proud of me too.

The world is a tumultuous place right now. And I found peace in my very own home. In my arms, as my girls slept.

We give and give, and sometimes forget to really see what our return is. The responsibility of children is great, but the rewards cannot be measured.

Mental Block

I missed posting on Sunday like I usually do, and I am finding it hard to do today. I have enjoyed journalling once a week, and fairly often do it more. I actually wrote one last week on teaching, and I am sure I saved it, but haven’t been able to find it. Oops.

I am not too sure where this is going to go, so bare with me please.

1) I have been working hard on a couple of goals - Kung Fu of course. I have learned through the process of breaking down a few basic kicks, that I have a couple of bad habits. And I also learned that through these bad habits, I have less power. So by removing speed from the equation, and focusing on executing the technique slowly and purposely, my technique has improved as well as my power. It is very cool.

2) I have also had some mental blocks lately, blocks that could probably stop a roundhouse kick to the head. Okay, maybe not. I have had to approach my life as if I am a machine in order to get through the day, and have found myself wishing I could just stay in bed. However, the Pandamonium was a good kick in the pants. It was a lot of fun, I got all sweaty, and felt good after. It was good.

3) I have a secure job, but am not really happy with it. I have been trying to incorporate some of my Kung Fu passion into my teaching at work, but it is a challenge to say the least. It is really difficult to teach people something when they don’t want to be there. Open up and say “Ahhhhh”.

4) On a side note, I have had the opportunity to see a lot of changes in the world in my lifetime. The first African American president of the USA for one. I think that is a change that will echo for a long time, and it’s a good change. A promising change.

5) I can’t leave this on 4. It isn’t a good number, so here is number 5. I am still struggling to become a more assertive person, and Kung Fu has helped me somewhat. I sitll have a long ways to go, and I will as long as I continue to cherish the gift of Kung Fu. Kung Fu has definitely helped my kids become more confident. Within 6 months, at the age of 3, Haley went from a child with her head buried in my chest to the loudest kid in class. I have had parents come to me, and worry about why their child won’t come on the mats the first class of two they are there. I tell them to be persisitent in coming, and eventually it will happen. Patience, and consistency.

Some random thoughts for today. I feel better about journalling for today, even though it’s all over the place. It needed to come out.

“Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.” Hahahaha.

Alley Cat or Cat Fu?

I pushed myself to my limit last Saturday. It would have been nice to have been 100% healthy, but that was not the case. When I got injured again 6 weeks before the grading, I had entertained the idea of putting it off and waiting until next year. However, there was no guarantee that I would have been in any better shape then, and where would my head have been?

So I am very happy with myself, for pushing hard and getting through the day. It was more intense than I expected, and yet so rewarding. I still have a ways to go mind you, and this journey is only just beginning. I found myself surrounded by a couple of fellow students, who, with their intensity, pushed me harder too.

I have always considered myself to be fairly tough and strong, but next to them I feel like a sissy girl. Oh well. It gives me the chance to push even harder and raise the bar on my training. If my mental intensity can go up, and my technique gets better, then perhaps my overall physical output will be that much more impressive.

Or maybe I need to adjust my mentality, and be a tiger! (i’m a rabbit so this could be a challenge). A tiger is graceful, yet oh so powerful. Hm. I may have to start with an alley cat mentality.

Cat Fu anyone?